"was a senior United States Army officer of various ranks from Lieutenant to Major General" 1. He can't have been a senior officer while a lieutenant. If you want to retain that formulation, you need to lose "senior". 2. Lower case l, m and g, per
MOS:JOBTITLES; and for consistency with elsewhere in the article.
Are you/your sources claiming that from August 1920 to September 1921 Bliss both learnt surgery and taught medical procedures?
Done Reworded to He remained there through September 1921 to get further instructions in advanced surgical procedures. Will that work?--
Doug Coldwell (
talk)
14:39, 9 March 2020 (UTC)reply
It will.
"He was the commanding officer of Fort Sill hospital in Oklahoma in 1941. He was in London, England, during the German air raids from the fall of 1940 to the winter of 1941 as a military observer and medical correspondent." 1. The sentences seem out of chronological order. 2. Does that mean that he was CO of a hospital he never visited? 3. By "winter" do you mean the early part of the year? If so,
MOS:SEASON suggests that one "avoid the use of seasons to refer to a particular time of year ([eg] winter 1995)" - replace with the actual month.
"with the result that death rates were lower compared to World War I and World War II, with improved recovery rates." What is the difference between a lower death rate and an improved recovery rate?
Wikipedia is funny about lists. You can about get away with his awards and qualifications in list form, but offices and activities need to be in prose - eg "Helped establish the Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii"; "Surgeon General of U. S. Army"; "Raymond W Bliss Army Health Center at Ft Huachuca, Arizona, named after him."; "Oscar for Documentary Short Subject at the 21st Academy Awards for the film Toward Independence, June 1949".
"was a senior United States Army officer of various ranks from Lieutenant to Major General" 1. He can't have been a senior officer while a lieutenant. If you want to retain that formulation, you need to lose "senior". 2. Lower case l, m and g, per
MOS:JOBTITLES; and for consistency with elsewhere in the article.
Are you/your sources claiming that from August 1920 to September 1921 Bliss both learnt surgery and taught medical procedures?
Done Reworded to He remained there through September 1921 to get further instructions in advanced surgical procedures. Will that work?--
Doug Coldwell (
talk)
14:39, 9 March 2020 (UTC)reply
It will.
"He was the commanding officer of Fort Sill hospital in Oklahoma in 1941. He was in London, England, during the German air raids from the fall of 1940 to the winter of 1941 as a military observer and medical correspondent." 1. The sentences seem out of chronological order. 2. Does that mean that he was CO of a hospital he never visited? 3. By "winter" do you mean the early part of the year? If so,
MOS:SEASON suggests that one "avoid the use of seasons to refer to a particular time of year ([eg] winter 1995)" - replace with the actual month.
"with the result that death rates were lower compared to World War I and World War II, with improved recovery rates." What is the difference between a lower death rate and an improved recovery rate?
Wikipedia is funny about lists. You can about get away with his awards and qualifications in list form, but offices and activities need to be in prose - eg "Helped establish the Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii"; "Surgeon General of U. S. Army"; "Raymond W Bliss Army Health Center at Ft Huachuca, Arizona, named after him."; "Oscar for Documentary Short Subject at the 21st Academy Awards for the film Toward Independence, June 1949".