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A fact from Ray Evrard appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the Did you know column on 9 December 2018 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
Was he most well-known for being an attorney or for being the Packers president? If he was more known for the latter (which I would assume), I would put that he was the Packers' second president in the opening sentence.
Green Bay Football Corporation (now called Green Bay Packers, Inc.), the non-profit organization that owns the Green Bay Packers <<<=== I would get rid of what's in the parentheses, and just link the GBFC to the GBP, Inc. page (to avoid three different organizations with "Green Bay Packers" in the title in the same sentence). You could also footnote the part in parentheses.
He played an important, yet often overlooked role in helping to organize the Packers during the team's early years. <<<=== Can you specify what he did that was important? Otherwise, it sounds like an opinion.
Early life
attended Marquette University at the age of 17 ===>>> enrolled at Marquette University at the age of 17 (or "began attending")
Lawyer
In front of over 300 prominent legal and political leaders <<<=== I would cut this, as I don't think it sounds encyclopedic.
Packers
he was also a member of the board of directors ===>>> he had also been a member of the board of directors
If his major contribution was fundraising, can you add more details related to that?
Sportsfan77777, I have made all the minor changes you mentioned above. Regarding his importance, I made a few slight wording changes. I mentioned that his contributions were "as a team executive". Unfortunately the main sources only talk about his generic contributions as an early executive but don't elaborate. See the following sources:
Lastly, just being one of only 10 presidents in their 100-year history is a pretty significant contribution. Let me know if this satisfies your concerns. Here is the
diff of my changes. « Gonzo fan2007(talk) @ 17:10, 30 December 2018 (UTC)reply
For the very first sentence, I meant you could say both that he was "an attorney" and the "Packers' second president" (like
Bill Gates's first sentence saying he was a "business magnate" and the "founder of Microsoft" for instance). Not sure if that was clear, but I'll let you decide anyway.
Lastly, just being one of only 10 presidents in their 100-year history is a pretty significant contribution. <<<=== I agree. I just want to present that better. How about in the lead, saying: "He played an important, yet often overlooked role in helping to organize the Packers during the team's early years (add "through his various leadership roles" at the end)." I feel like that doesn't connect with the earlier sentences otherwise.
As an aside, it looks like Evrard was involved with the Packers even before 1927. In 1924, this
source says he was chairman of the Board of Directors (or maybe just sales, not 100% sure?). In 1925, this
source says he was a member of the executive board.
Sportsfan77777 (
talk)
Yeah, I figured that. It looks like the text is just transcribed from a bunch of different old newspaper articles. But you don't need to add anything on it for the review. Passing!
Sportsfan77777 (
talk)
02:37, 31 December 2018 (UTC)reply
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
join the project and
contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject National Football League, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the
NFL on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.National Football LeagueWikipedia:WikiProject National Football LeagueTemplate:WikiProject National Football LeagueNational Football League articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Wisconsin, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the U.S. state of Wisconsin on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.WisconsinWikipedia:WikiProject WisconsinTemplate:WikiProject WisconsinWisconsin articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Green Bay Packers, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the
Green Bay Packers on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Green Bay PackersWikipedia:WikiProject Green Bay PackersTemplate:WikiProject Green Bay PackersGreen Bay Packers articles
A fact from Ray Evrard appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the Did you know column on 9 December 2018 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
Was he most well-known for being an attorney or for being the Packers president? If he was more known for the latter (which I would assume), I would put that he was the Packers' second president in the opening sentence.
Green Bay Football Corporation (now called Green Bay Packers, Inc.), the non-profit organization that owns the Green Bay Packers <<<=== I would get rid of what's in the parentheses, and just link the GBFC to the GBP, Inc. page (to avoid three different organizations with "Green Bay Packers" in the title in the same sentence). You could also footnote the part in parentheses.
He played an important, yet often overlooked role in helping to organize the Packers during the team's early years. <<<=== Can you specify what he did that was important? Otherwise, it sounds like an opinion.
Early life
attended Marquette University at the age of 17 ===>>> enrolled at Marquette University at the age of 17 (or "began attending")
Lawyer
In front of over 300 prominent legal and political leaders <<<=== I would cut this, as I don't think it sounds encyclopedic.
Packers
he was also a member of the board of directors ===>>> he had also been a member of the board of directors
If his major contribution was fundraising, can you add more details related to that?
Sportsfan77777, I have made all the minor changes you mentioned above. Regarding his importance, I made a few slight wording changes. I mentioned that his contributions were "as a team executive". Unfortunately the main sources only talk about his generic contributions as an early executive but don't elaborate. See the following sources:
Lastly, just being one of only 10 presidents in their 100-year history is a pretty significant contribution. Let me know if this satisfies your concerns. Here is the
diff of my changes. « Gonzo fan2007(talk) @ 17:10, 30 December 2018 (UTC)reply
For the very first sentence, I meant you could say both that he was "an attorney" and the "Packers' second president" (like
Bill Gates's first sentence saying he was a "business magnate" and the "founder of Microsoft" for instance). Not sure if that was clear, but I'll let you decide anyway.
Lastly, just being one of only 10 presidents in their 100-year history is a pretty significant contribution. <<<=== I agree. I just want to present that better. How about in the lead, saying: "He played an important, yet often overlooked role in helping to organize the Packers during the team's early years (add "through his various leadership roles" at the end)." I feel like that doesn't connect with the earlier sentences otherwise.
As an aside, it looks like Evrard was involved with the Packers even before 1927. In 1924, this
source says he was chairman of the Board of Directors (or maybe just sales, not 100% sure?). In 1925, this
source says he was a member of the executive board.
Sportsfan77777 (
talk)
Yeah, I figured that. It looks like the text is just transcribed from a bunch of different old newspaper articles. But you don't need to add anything on it for the review. Passing!
Sportsfan77777 (
talk)
02:37, 31 December 2018 (UTC)reply