This is much more fleshed out than the original German article. Congrats.—Preceding
unsigned comment added by
Tagmatarchos (
talk •
contribs) 20:32, 30 March 2010
Per a discussion with the nominator (see the
relevanttalk pages), I'll be conducting a second review on this just to ensure that the article meets GA standards.
CanadianPaul 15:48, 4 April 2010 (UTC)reply
Under "Under Marcus" you write "Priscus not only failed to restore order, but was himself attacked and forced to flee to Constantina, while the soldiers elected the dux of Phoenice, Germanus, as their leader." Dux should be wikilinked, as the average reader is not going to know what the means.
Same section: "At the same time however, Priscus also reportedly quarreled with his men over the distribution of the considerable amount of booty captured. Maurice also sent orders for the army to winter north of the river, but this caused great resentment and unrest amongst the soldiers." The doubled use of "also" is a bit awkward, so I would suggest removing one... I believe that the second one is unnecessary.
Same section: "It was a remarkable act of aggressive defence, in the words of Michael Whitby, "without parallel in the sixth century" for the Danube frontier, and which essentially wan the decided the war for Byzantium." Aside from the fact that the Whitby citation should come directly after the quotation, I'm assuming that the last part "wan the decided the war" was meant to be either "won the war" or "decided the war". This needs to be fixed.
Maurice (emperor) should be linked at least once in his section, as you've done with the other two emperors
Under "Under Phocas", "At any rate" is not a very encyclopedic term and should be avoided
Like dux, being tonsured is not a conception that is likely to be understood by the average reader, myself included, so at least one Wikilink would be appropriate for this as well.
The lead should cover all major sections of the article - right now it's missing any information on the "Assessment" section.
Given the situation with this GA review, I'm going to place the article "on hold" for up to one week to allow for these changes to be made. I'm always open to discussion on any of them items, so if you think I'm wrong on something leave your thoughts here and we'll discuss. I'll be checking this page at least daily, unless something comes up, so you can be sure I'll notice any comments left here.
CanadianPaul 01:40, 5 April 2010 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the review and the valid points raised. I think I've covered them, except for the alt texts, which I'll try to do tomorrow... If anything else comes to your attention, please tell me. Regards,
Constantine ✍ 14:20, 7 April 2010 (UTC)reply
One small issue - what you've added to the lead refers to the reader, which should be avoided. It might be better to say "Although the surviving sources...". In any case, it's minor and, since alt text is not a GA requirement, I think we can consider this article passed as a GA and end this little review kerfuffle. So congratulations and thank you for all your hard work!
CanadianPaul 04:07, 8 April 2010 (UTC)reply
This is much more fleshed out than the original German article. Congrats.—Preceding
unsigned comment added by
Tagmatarchos (
talk •
contribs) 20:32, 30 March 2010
Per a discussion with the nominator (see the
relevanttalk pages), I'll be conducting a second review on this just to ensure that the article meets GA standards.
CanadianPaul 15:48, 4 April 2010 (UTC)reply
Under "Under Marcus" you write "Priscus not only failed to restore order, but was himself attacked and forced to flee to Constantina, while the soldiers elected the dux of Phoenice, Germanus, as their leader." Dux should be wikilinked, as the average reader is not going to know what the means.
Same section: "At the same time however, Priscus also reportedly quarreled with his men over the distribution of the considerable amount of booty captured. Maurice also sent orders for the army to winter north of the river, but this caused great resentment and unrest amongst the soldiers." The doubled use of "also" is a bit awkward, so I would suggest removing one... I believe that the second one is unnecessary.
Same section: "It was a remarkable act of aggressive defence, in the words of Michael Whitby, "without parallel in the sixth century" for the Danube frontier, and which essentially wan the decided the war for Byzantium." Aside from the fact that the Whitby citation should come directly after the quotation, I'm assuming that the last part "wan the decided the war" was meant to be either "won the war" or "decided the war". This needs to be fixed.
Maurice (emperor) should be linked at least once in his section, as you've done with the other two emperors
Under "Under Phocas", "At any rate" is not a very encyclopedic term and should be avoided
Like dux, being tonsured is not a conception that is likely to be understood by the average reader, myself included, so at least one Wikilink would be appropriate for this as well.
The lead should cover all major sections of the article - right now it's missing any information on the "Assessment" section.
Given the situation with this GA review, I'm going to place the article "on hold" for up to one week to allow for these changes to be made. I'm always open to discussion on any of them items, so if you think I'm wrong on something leave your thoughts here and we'll discuss. I'll be checking this page at least daily, unless something comes up, so you can be sure I'll notice any comments left here.
CanadianPaul 01:40, 5 April 2010 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the review and the valid points raised. I think I've covered them, except for the alt texts, which I'll try to do tomorrow... If anything else comes to your attention, please tell me. Regards,
Constantine ✍ 14:20, 7 April 2010 (UTC)reply
One small issue - what you've added to the lead refers to the reader, which should be avoided. It might be better to say "Although the surviving sources...". In any case, it's minor and, since alt text is not a GA requirement, I think we can consider this article passed as a GA and end this little review kerfuffle. So congratulations and thank you for all your hard work!
CanadianPaul 04:07, 8 April 2010 (UTC)reply