First impression of the lead is that it is succinct, but that the sentences may be a little on the short side, making for some slighlty stilted prose. Am looking for sentences to combine.
Otariids are also known as eared seals due to the presence of external ear flaps or pinna. - "flaps" is plural while "pinna" is singular - choose one or the other....
indigenous people exploited them for their meat, blubber and fur coats - "exploited" carries a negative connotation - I think "used" might be slightly better word here. Also put in passive tense maybe - to have the same subject for both verbs.
Unlike other marine mammals, pinnipeds have two pairs of flippers on both the front and back, the fore-flippers and hind-flippers. - makes it sound like it has eight flippers momentarily - I'd reword this.
Pinnipeds spend many months at a time at sea and so they must sleep in the water. - sounds weird - either have "Pinnipeds spend many months at a time at sea, so they must sleep in the water. " or maybe "Pinnipeds spend many months at a time at sea and must sleep in the water. "
The museum photos from Japan (for
File:Skeleton of Allodesmus.jpg) and Germany (
File:Alaska Robbenfiguren 1876 Linden-Museum.jpg) should be checked to see how their countries regard the copyright of photos in museums (have run into trouble here before - a bunch of images in Belgium of mine got deleted like this years ago!)
First impression of the lead is that it is succinct, but that the sentences may be a little on the short side, making for some slighlty stilted prose. Am looking for sentences to combine.
Otariids are also known as eared seals due to the presence of external ear flaps or pinna. - "flaps" is plural while "pinna" is singular - choose one or the other....
indigenous people exploited them for their meat, blubber and fur coats - "exploited" carries a negative connotation - I think "used" might be slightly better word here. Also put in passive tense maybe - to have the same subject for both verbs.
Unlike other marine mammals, pinnipeds have two pairs of flippers on both the front and back, the fore-flippers and hind-flippers. - makes it sound like it has eight flippers momentarily - I'd reword this.
Pinnipeds spend many months at a time at sea and so they must sleep in the water. - sounds weird - either have "Pinnipeds spend many months at a time at sea, so they must sleep in the water. " or maybe "Pinnipeds spend many months at a time at sea and must sleep in the water. "
The museum photos from Japan (for
File:Skeleton of Allodesmus.jpg) and Germany (
File:Alaska Robbenfiguren 1876 Linden-Museum.jpg) should be checked to see how their countries regard the copyright of photos in museums (have run into trouble here before - a bunch of images in Belgium of mine got deleted like this years ago!)