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Reviewer: SpinningSpark 19:05, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
I am going to be tied up tomorrow, so full review will probably be on Saturday. One immediate comment is that the line map is unreadably small. To be useful it needs to be much larger. Could this be left-aligned below the lede? Or possibly centered between the TOC and the infobox?
SpinningSpark
19:05, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
:*taken into use sounds odd. "Taken into service" or "brought into use" are more conventional phrases.
:*Norwegian State Railways (NBS). Is the acronym right?, NSB is used elsewhere in the article.
:*The shear number of references after the second sentence are quite intrusive. Some of these could be combined inot one citation; <ref>Bjerke (1994): 33, 37, 51....</ref>
:*all lines either terminate or run through the station. to be grammatically correct "all lines either terminate at, or run through the station."
:*after negotiations for NSB's lines. Can't really understand what that means. Presumably the state run lines are paying NSB for the use of their rails, and the cost has to be negotiatied. True this will add to the deficit but it is just another operating cost. There must be a more straightforward way of saying this.
:*Can you wikilink
headway, not all readers will know this term
:*fifteen 69A in 1970 this is plural so should be 69As
:*and again, 69Bs, 69Cs and 69Ds.
:*seating for 310 passenger and one toilet, passengers, plural.
:*and are unlike the predecessors equipped with electronic public information system. This is a bit clumsy, suggest "and unlike their predecessors are equipped with an electronic public information system."
:*Class 65s units. If 65s indicates plural rather than part of the class name it is out of place as "units" is already plural.
:*Does "copies" have some special meaning? Why "Class 65A was built in 14 copies" and not "14 units of Class 65A were built"
:*taken into use, multiple places "put into service".
:*These proved to not be, "these proved not to be"
:*Class 65 the first that were optimized, "Class 65 were the first that were optimized"
:*The Østfold Line was also next line to be electrified, "The Østfold Line was also the next line to be electrified"
:*replace a third of the needed number of units. Does this mean that the number of trains required is one third what it was previously, or does it mean the number trains can be reduced by one third. I am not clear on which is meant. Probable meaning (and suggestion) "dispense with one third of the previous number of units."
:*is planned built nearly..., "is planned to be built nearly..."
:*The Bjerke reference has multiple editors according to Google books. They should either be credited, or the et al. formulation used. If Bjerke is the editor and the others article contributers, it is acceptable to just credit Bjerke if (ed.) is placed after his name.
Article (
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Article talk (
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Reviewer: SpinningSpark 19:05, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
I am going to be tied up tomorrow, so full review will probably be on Saturday. One immediate comment is that the line map is unreadably small. To be useful it needs to be much larger. Could this be left-aligned below the lede? Or possibly centered between the TOC and the infobox?
SpinningSpark
19:05, 3 June 2010 (UTC)
:*taken into use sounds odd. "Taken into service" or "brought into use" are more conventional phrases.
:*Norwegian State Railways (NBS). Is the acronym right?, NSB is used elsewhere in the article.
:*The shear number of references after the second sentence are quite intrusive. Some of these could be combined inot one citation; <ref>Bjerke (1994): 33, 37, 51....</ref>
:*all lines either terminate or run through the station. to be grammatically correct "all lines either terminate at, or run through the station."
:*after negotiations for NSB's lines. Can't really understand what that means. Presumably the state run lines are paying NSB for the use of their rails, and the cost has to be negotiatied. True this will add to the deficit but it is just another operating cost. There must be a more straightforward way of saying this.
:*Can you wikilink
headway, not all readers will know this term
:*fifteen 69A in 1970 this is plural so should be 69As
:*and again, 69Bs, 69Cs and 69Ds.
:*seating for 310 passenger and one toilet, passengers, plural.
:*and are unlike the predecessors equipped with electronic public information system. This is a bit clumsy, suggest "and unlike their predecessors are equipped with an electronic public information system."
:*Class 65s units. If 65s indicates plural rather than part of the class name it is out of place as "units" is already plural.
:*Does "copies" have some special meaning? Why "Class 65A was built in 14 copies" and not "14 units of Class 65A were built"
:*taken into use, multiple places "put into service".
:*These proved to not be, "these proved not to be"
:*Class 65 the first that were optimized, "Class 65 were the first that were optimized"
:*The Østfold Line was also next line to be electrified, "The Østfold Line was also the next line to be electrified"
:*replace a third of the needed number of units. Does this mean that the number of trains required is one third what it was previously, or does it mean the number trains can be reduced by one third. I am not clear on which is meant. Probable meaning (and suggestion) "dispense with one third of the previous number of units."
:*is planned built nearly..., "is planned to be built nearly..."
:*The Bjerke reference has multiple editors according to Google books. They should either be credited, or the et al. formulation used. If Bjerke is the editor and the others article contributers, it is acceptable to just credit Bjerke if (ed.) is placed after his name.