the lead is poor and mediocre. I suggest you to rewrite it
though I am aware of the Arabic naming system but the current unsourced material is nothing short of original research
the first line of early life and education needs to be reworded
specify "soon" and "later" in the next paragraph *"some sources", " one source"
"they were separated before"?
" as an adult " - what does it mean?
was described - by whom?
with violent jihad - remove violent
sometimes been called - make this clear
his formal name is Muhammad Omar not Mullah
"the only Islamic country" - no need of quotes
... as well as from every Islamic country of the world. - Unsourced
terrorist by scholars - which scholars? And the word terrorist should be in quotes
heavily anti-Semitic, - remove heavily
The first para of militant activity is unsourced
According to Wright, - who is wright?
evidence of terrorist plots - terrorist is a word to watch
the affluent Al-Riyadh quarter - remove affluent
relationship with Mullah Mohammed Omar. - Remove Mullah
Saudi Arabia is sometimes called "The Land of the Two Holy Mosques" in reference to Mecca and Medina, the two holiest places in Islam.... - It is unsourced and should be in footnotes
It is believed that the.. - Who believed?
also "reported" in the next para
In the 1990s, bin Laden's... - The para is unsourced and needs to be better explained
... U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation placing bin Laden on its Ten Most Wanted list. - Unsourced
small convoys of recruits - remove small
severely damaging the latter - remove severely * later broadcast - later broadcasted
have been disputed - by whom?
however offer - offered
Shortly after the September 11 - specify the time
was the gravest failure. - Remove gravest
killing dozens - specify the number
were captured - was
Whereabouts just prior to his death - the timespans in the para is not clear
Seven days have passed. Although I'm not actively involved in this GAN I'd be hesitant about seeing it awarded GA status; it relies too heavily on press and other not-so-ideal sources rather than academic and biographical publications devoted to bin Laden.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
09:10, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
the lead is poor and mediocre. I suggest you to rewrite it
though I am aware of the Arabic naming system but the current unsourced material is nothing short of original research
the first line of early life and education needs to be reworded
specify "soon" and "later" in the next paragraph *"some sources", " one source"
"they were separated before"?
" as an adult " - what does it mean?
was described - by whom?
with violent jihad - remove violent
sometimes been called - make this clear
his formal name is Muhammad Omar not Mullah
"the only Islamic country" - no need of quotes
... as well as from every Islamic country of the world. - Unsourced
terrorist by scholars - which scholars? And the word terrorist should be in quotes
heavily anti-Semitic, - remove heavily
The first para of militant activity is unsourced
According to Wright, - who is wright?
evidence of terrorist plots - terrorist is a word to watch
the affluent Al-Riyadh quarter - remove affluent
relationship with Mullah Mohammed Omar. - Remove Mullah
Saudi Arabia is sometimes called "The Land of the Two Holy Mosques" in reference to Mecca and Medina, the two holiest places in Islam.... - It is unsourced and should be in footnotes
It is believed that the.. - Who believed?
also "reported" in the next para
In the 1990s, bin Laden's... - The para is unsourced and needs to be better explained
... U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation placing bin Laden on its Ten Most Wanted list. - Unsourced
small convoys of recruits - remove small
severely damaging the latter - remove severely * later broadcast - later broadcasted
have been disputed - by whom?
however offer - offered
Shortly after the September 11 - specify the time
was the gravest failure. - Remove gravest
killing dozens - specify the number
were captured - was
Whereabouts just prior to his death - the timespans in the para is not clear
Seven days have passed. Although I'm not actively involved in this GAN I'd be hesitant about seeing it awarded GA status; it relies too heavily on press and other not-so-ideal sources rather than academic and biographical publications devoted to bin Laden.
Midnightblueowl (
talk)
09:10, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply