I notice a lot of the history uses passive voice. Sometimes, the sentence could and should be reworded to clarify what has been done.
"was entirely subjective and based" - that is an example where there is improper parallelism, in that subjective would be the adjective to "was"'s being verb, but "based" makes "was based" a passive voice clause.
"His forecast calculated that the change in surface pressure would be of 145 millibars (4.3 inHg)" - the "would be of" is throwing me off - is that proper writing?
"In 1956, Norman Phillips developed a mathematical model which could realistically depict monthly and seasonal patterns in the troposphere, which became the first successful climate model." - is "realistically" the best word there?
Also, how come there is history stuff in the "Initialization" paragraph? There is already a history section
Yes, but the dates mentioned in the initialization section pertain to the times where model initialization was improved through the addition of new variables.
Titoxd(
?!? -
cool stuff)06:06, 17 January 2011 (UTC)reply
"A model, in this context" - that's a poor way to start a paragraph. Try introducing the subject better
"Extremely small errors in the initial input, such as temperatures and winds, within numerical models double every five days" - it seems the commas are out of place. The sentence just reads weirdly
"The ensemble forecast is usually evaluated in terms of the ensemble mean of a forecast variable, and the ensemble spread, which represents the degree of agreement between various forecasts, known as ensemble members, in the ensemble system." - you use "ensemble" five times in one sentence! Plx fix, k thx
All in all, a good read. There are just some minor writing things that I'd like to see worked on. As such, I put the GAN on hold. Let me know if you have any questions. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
04:18, 17 January 2011 (UTC)reply
Looks good! And I was especially impressed how you limited the number of "ensemble" usages in the one sentence from five to two. I'm happy to pass it now. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
00:28, 18 January 2011 (UTC)reply
I notice a lot of the history uses passive voice. Sometimes, the sentence could and should be reworded to clarify what has been done.
"was entirely subjective and based" - that is an example where there is improper parallelism, in that subjective would be the adjective to "was"'s being verb, but "based" makes "was based" a passive voice clause.
"His forecast calculated that the change in surface pressure would be of 145 millibars (4.3 inHg)" - the "would be of" is throwing me off - is that proper writing?
"In 1956, Norman Phillips developed a mathematical model which could realistically depict monthly and seasonal patterns in the troposphere, which became the first successful climate model." - is "realistically" the best word there?
Also, how come there is history stuff in the "Initialization" paragraph? There is already a history section
Yes, but the dates mentioned in the initialization section pertain to the times where model initialization was improved through the addition of new variables.
Titoxd(
?!? -
cool stuff)06:06, 17 January 2011 (UTC)reply
"A model, in this context" - that's a poor way to start a paragraph. Try introducing the subject better
"Extremely small errors in the initial input, such as temperatures and winds, within numerical models double every five days" - it seems the commas are out of place. The sentence just reads weirdly
"The ensemble forecast is usually evaluated in terms of the ensemble mean of a forecast variable, and the ensemble spread, which represents the degree of agreement between various forecasts, known as ensemble members, in the ensemble system." - you use "ensemble" five times in one sentence! Plx fix, k thx
All in all, a good read. There are just some minor writing things that I'd like to see worked on. As such, I put the GAN on hold. Let me know if you have any questions. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
04:18, 17 January 2011 (UTC)reply
Looks good! And I was especially impressed how you limited the number of "ensemble" usages in the one sentence from five to two. I'm happy to pass it now. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
00:28, 18 January 2011 (UTC)reply