"Multiple B-sides were featured to accompany the single, including "Forever", "Little Lady Love" and "Sugababes on the Run"." This implies there were more B-sides. Why not "Three B-sides were featured to accompany the single: "Forever", "Little Lady Love" and "Sugababes on the Run"."
"Beats" are not an instrument. "Strings" and "keys" are parts of instruments. A "guitar" is an instrument. "Bass" can either be an instrument or part of the music.
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
""New Year" "tells [a tale] of festive fumblings to Last Christmas"" Fumblings to Last Christmas? I don't follow.
"and through lines such as "I'm older than my years, drowning in my tears" the Sugababes are shown singing with insight.[16]" Not clear what that means.
If you're meaning to say that the band are performing in a deep, meaningful way, you're going to need to attribute the thought. It's not really something we can say in our neutral voice.
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
"According to the Daily Mail, the Sugababes avoid sounding "mushy" on the album's ballads such as "New Year" and "Look at Me"" I don't know what "mushy" means, and the mention of the album/"Look at Me" isn't really adding much.
Well, this would presumably be important information. You spend a whole paragraph leading up to one performance years after it was released, but don't mention anything from the time?
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
The OED lists 6 meanings of the word "rave"; three are nouns, three are verbs. It doesn't list however you're meaning to use it.
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
Hyland, Ian (21 December 2000). "Christmas singles". Sunday Mirror. p. 47.
"SUGABABES: New Year (London) - It mentions Christmas in the lyrics but it's a New Year grower. 8/10"
The Express December 21, 2000 "TURKEYS THAT BECOME FESTIVE CHART-TOPPERS" DOMINIC UTTON Pg. 14
"The only interesting contenders are Sugababes, whose song New Year is far too good to make No1, Eminem, the American bad-boy rapper, whose song Stan, a skewed, vicious tale of obsessive fandom and suicide, may have peaked too soon and Bob the Builder, currently top with a three-minute contribution so annoying that it does, indeed, feel like a throwback to the good old days of Noddy Holder and co."
Ok, some thoughts.
As mentioned above, there is the problem with undue weight/recentism/possibly WIAGA#3a concerning the performances.
The review section feels basically like a list of quotes. That's not a particularly good writing style.
Concerning "The song was raved by critics"- that doesn't mean what you think it means. It's not at all clear what you're trying to say here.
"A journalist from the BBC wrote that the single as "lives up to the hype" and praised the inclusion of lyrics about Christmas as "without sounding remotely contrived"." Poor writing
"on the album's ballads" - This article isn't about the album. It's about the song.
I do not think that the live performance could possibly be interpreted as promotional.
"During the video, the group's members sing in front of a white background, while computer graphics such as snow, letters and butterflies appear throughout." More clumsy writing
The first two I'm willing to let slide, but the others definitely need dealing with before I can promote. Also, take a look at the sources I cited above. You don't have to use them, but I thought they may be useful.
J Milburn (
talk)
15:52, 24 June 2013 (UTC)reply
Ok, this has stagnated- there have been no edits to the article or the review page in over a week, and problems remain. I'm going to close the review. I recommend you renominate once these issues have been dealt with.
J Milburn (
talk)
19:08, 1 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"Multiple B-sides were featured to accompany the single, including "Forever", "Little Lady Love" and "Sugababes on the Run"." This implies there were more B-sides. Why not "Three B-sides were featured to accompany the single: "Forever", "Little Lady Love" and "Sugababes on the Run"."
"Beats" are not an instrument. "Strings" and "keys" are parts of instruments. A "guitar" is an instrument. "Bass" can either be an instrument or part of the music.
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
""New Year" "tells [a tale] of festive fumblings to Last Christmas"" Fumblings to Last Christmas? I don't follow.
"and through lines such as "I'm older than my years, drowning in my tears" the Sugababes are shown singing with insight.[16]" Not clear what that means.
If you're meaning to say that the band are performing in a deep, meaningful way, you're going to need to attribute the thought. It's not really something we can say in our neutral voice.
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
"According to the Daily Mail, the Sugababes avoid sounding "mushy" on the album's ballads such as "New Year" and "Look at Me"" I don't know what "mushy" means, and the mention of the album/"Look at Me" isn't really adding much.
Well, this would presumably be important information. You spend a whole paragraph leading up to one performance years after it was released, but don't mention anything from the time?
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
The OED lists 6 meanings of the word "rave"; three are nouns, three are verbs. It doesn't list however you're meaning to use it.
J Milburn (
talk)
10:09, 11 June 2013 (UTC)reply
Hyland, Ian (21 December 2000). "Christmas singles". Sunday Mirror. p. 47.
"SUGABABES: New Year (London) - It mentions Christmas in the lyrics but it's a New Year grower. 8/10"
The Express December 21, 2000 "TURKEYS THAT BECOME FESTIVE CHART-TOPPERS" DOMINIC UTTON Pg. 14
"The only interesting contenders are Sugababes, whose song New Year is far too good to make No1, Eminem, the American bad-boy rapper, whose song Stan, a skewed, vicious tale of obsessive fandom and suicide, may have peaked too soon and Bob the Builder, currently top with a three-minute contribution so annoying that it does, indeed, feel like a throwback to the good old days of Noddy Holder and co."
Ok, some thoughts.
As mentioned above, there is the problem with undue weight/recentism/possibly WIAGA#3a concerning the performances.
The review section feels basically like a list of quotes. That's not a particularly good writing style.
Concerning "The song was raved by critics"- that doesn't mean what you think it means. It's not at all clear what you're trying to say here.
"A journalist from the BBC wrote that the single as "lives up to the hype" and praised the inclusion of lyrics about Christmas as "without sounding remotely contrived"." Poor writing
"on the album's ballads" - This article isn't about the album. It's about the song.
I do not think that the live performance could possibly be interpreted as promotional.
"During the video, the group's members sing in front of a white background, while computer graphics such as snow, letters and butterflies appear throughout." More clumsy writing
The first two I'm willing to let slide, but the others definitely need dealing with before I can promote. Also, take a look at the sources I cited above. You don't have to use them, but I thought they may be useful.
J Milburn (
talk)
15:52, 24 June 2013 (UTC)reply
Ok, this has stagnated- there have been no edits to the article or the review page in over a week, and problems remain. I'm going to close the review. I recommend you renominate once these issues have been dealt with.
J Milburn (
talk)
19:08, 1 July 2013 (UTC)reply