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Reviewer: Dr. Blofeld ( talk · contribs) 22:37, 1 January 2014 (UTC)
Might not be able to get to it for up to a week though as I do have some other reviews to complete.♦ Dr. Blofeld 22:37, 1 January 2014 (UTC)
Overall I'm a bit concerned with how easy it is to read and learn from. A lot of the earlier history has you wondering how relevant it is and the frequent use of quotes throughout affect the flow and readability I think. A consistent problem I find is your tendency to add too many commas, they're superfluous in quite a few places I noticed, try to keep that in check! I removed a few examples myself. The content is there for GA, but I'd appreciate it if you could address the above points and try to improve the quality, flow and focus of the prose and how easy it is to glean direct facts from. Can you try to get an editor or two to read and copyedit this to get another perspective? I'll put on hold, given that I think the work needed on it is more than trivial. Give me a bell when you think it's ready, thanks.♦ Dr. Blofeld 18:32, 8 January 2014 (UTC)
Thanks, I'll look again at it in a few days time. If you could get somebody else to read it through and OK it too this would be great.♦ Dr. Blofeld 14:23, 12 January 2014 (UTC)
Establishment and early history (1784–1810)
"The Rev. Dr. John Henry Livingston (1746–1825) organized seminary in 1784—at first offering instruction students in his home."That image caption makes no sense whatsoever.
Campus on "Holy Hill" 1856–2012
"Mrs. Ann Hertzog of Philadelphia donated $30,000 to build a the Peter Hertzog Theological Hall ..."
"During the Revolution was the site of a British artillery redoubt ..."
"In the 1870s, the campus was expanded with the construction of Suydam Hall to honor James Suydam".So that was the sole purpose of extending the campus, to honor Suydam?
Degrees and programs
"... seeking advanced courses in theology, Bible studies, Church History, and Servant Leadership".Why is theology not capitalised here when it was in the lead?
"The Master of Arts (M.A.) program is focused toward concentration in ..."It can be focused on or it can concentrate on, but "focused toward concentration in" makes no sense.
"The vigorous program is intended for ministry candidates ..."In what sense is it vigorous? Is that perhaps meant to be rigorous?
"It is research degree that combines academic research and a focus on ministry or mission ..."There's a lot of these missing indefinite articles.
"The doctoral candidate can chose a general course of study concerning the challenges urban ministry ..."I can't parse that at all.
Gardner A. Sage Library
"The library maintains current subscriptions for more than 300 periodicals."as opposed to historical or future subscriptions?
"... contains strong resources regarding Dutch history, culture, and Dutch Colonial Studies."What's a strong resource?
Notable people
"A recent financial gift to the seminary ..."How recent is recent?
"New Brunswick Theological Seminary has had a close relationship with both Rutgers University ..."Haven't we been told this before?
"Two seminary graduates, served as president at Rutgers ..."The punctuation makes this unintelligible. And is "president at Rutgers correct?
Eric Corbett 20:01, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
@ Eric Corbett: - Many thanks for your comments here (which I am hopeful I satisfactorily addressed), and for your several revisions in copyediting the article earlier today. If you & Dr. Blofeld can review my responses above and let me know if there's anything further that needs attention, I am much obliged for your help and suggestions. Thanks again.-- ColonelHenry ( talk) 21:16, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
Thanks Eric and the Colonel. I'll take another look at this tomorrow, shan't keep you waiting much longer!♦ Dr. Blofeld 21:21, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
GA review – see
WP:WIAGA for criteria
Much improved, well worth the wait!♦ Dr. Blofeld 12:36, 21 January 2014 (UTC)
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Reviewing |
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Reviewer: Dr. Blofeld ( talk · contribs) 22:37, 1 January 2014 (UTC)
Might not be able to get to it for up to a week though as I do have some other reviews to complete.♦ Dr. Blofeld 22:37, 1 January 2014 (UTC)
Overall I'm a bit concerned with how easy it is to read and learn from. A lot of the earlier history has you wondering how relevant it is and the frequent use of quotes throughout affect the flow and readability I think. A consistent problem I find is your tendency to add too many commas, they're superfluous in quite a few places I noticed, try to keep that in check! I removed a few examples myself. The content is there for GA, but I'd appreciate it if you could address the above points and try to improve the quality, flow and focus of the prose and how easy it is to glean direct facts from. Can you try to get an editor or two to read and copyedit this to get another perspective? I'll put on hold, given that I think the work needed on it is more than trivial. Give me a bell when you think it's ready, thanks.♦ Dr. Blofeld 18:32, 8 January 2014 (UTC)
Thanks, I'll look again at it in a few days time. If you could get somebody else to read it through and OK it too this would be great.♦ Dr. Blofeld 14:23, 12 January 2014 (UTC)
Establishment and early history (1784–1810)
"The Rev. Dr. John Henry Livingston (1746–1825) organized seminary in 1784—at first offering instruction students in his home."That image caption makes no sense whatsoever.
Campus on "Holy Hill" 1856–2012
"Mrs. Ann Hertzog of Philadelphia donated $30,000 to build a the Peter Hertzog Theological Hall ..."
"During the Revolution was the site of a British artillery redoubt ..."
"In the 1870s, the campus was expanded with the construction of Suydam Hall to honor James Suydam".So that was the sole purpose of extending the campus, to honor Suydam?
Degrees and programs
"... seeking advanced courses in theology, Bible studies, Church History, and Servant Leadership".Why is theology not capitalised here when it was in the lead?
"The Master of Arts (M.A.) program is focused toward concentration in ..."It can be focused on or it can concentrate on, but "focused toward concentration in" makes no sense.
"The vigorous program is intended for ministry candidates ..."In what sense is it vigorous? Is that perhaps meant to be rigorous?
"It is research degree that combines academic research and a focus on ministry or mission ..."There's a lot of these missing indefinite articles.
"The doctoral candidate can chose a general course of study concerning the challenges urban ministry ..."I can't parse that at all.
Gardner A. Sage Library
"The library maintains current subscriptions for more than 300 periodicals."as opposed to historical or future subscriptions?
"... contains strong resources regarding Dutch history, culture, and Dutch Colonial Studies."What's a strong resource?
Notable people
"A recent financial gift to the seminary ..."How recent is recent?
"New Brunswick Theological Seminary has had a close relationship with both Rutgers University ..."Haven't we been told this before?
"Two seminary graduates, served as president at Rutgers ..."The punctuation makes this unintelligible. And is "president at Rutgers correct?
Eric Corbett 20:01, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
@ Eric Corbett: - Many thanks for your comments here (which I am hopeful I satisfactorily addressed), and for your several revisions in copyediting the article earlier today. If you & Dr. Blofeld can review my responses above and let me know if there's anything further that needs attention, I am much obliged for your help and suggestions. Thanks again.-- ColonelHenry ( talk) 21:16, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
Thanks Eric and the Colonel. I'll take another look at this tomorrow, shan't keep you waiting much longer!♦ Dr. Blofeld 21:21, 20 January 2014 (UTC)
GA review – see
WP:WIAGA for criteria
Much improved, well worth the wait!♦ Dr. Blofeld 12:36, 21 January 2014 (UTC)