The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The song was written → you've already used "song" before; use "recording" here
Erm, I'm going to have to disagree with this one. You don't write recordings. Do you have another idea? I mean, I do see your redundancy point. Nevermind, replaced with "track" instead.
Unlink "production"
rock ballad that begins with piano and Lee's vocals before transcending into guitars and drums. → This is too detailed for the lead; maybe you can try something like: rock ballad, whose instrumentation consists of piano, guitars and drums.
The song received favorable → you've already used "song" before
who praised Lee's vocal and piano combination, as well as guitars and drums, and several chose it as a highlight on the album → who praised the combination between Lee's vocals and piano playing, as well as its fellow instrumentation; several of them chose it as a highlight on the album.
It reached → better: Commercially, it reached
92 → number 92
34 → number 34
filmed in December → the December of which year?
in Los Angeles and it was directed by → in Los Angeles by
Is "film" synonymous to "direct" here? I don't know, so I did tweak it from the original but would like to know this first. That is what would be happening if I implemented it the way you have it.
Williams and it was produced → Williams, while production was handled
wrote the song → you've already used "song" in the precedent sentence
She added that the band wrote the song along with "What You Want" and the piano part at the beginning of the song was written on a harp, which was a slower and an easier instrument for her → The singer added that the band wrote the single along with "What You Want", with the piano part at the beginning of the track being as well composed on a harp, which Lee considered a slower and easier instrument for her.
the song so when it was time to record the song it was impossible to play it on a harp. → the song, causing it not to be playable on a harp.
I would've had to alter the whole sentence to end it like this; if I just pasted it in, I'd have another grammar error. I have changed the ending, but not this way. Let me know if you like it; I will put it this way if you insist.
"My Heart Is Broken", saying: "A → "My Heart Is Broken" as being "a
The tone of the following sentence is a story of something that happened, not a description of something necessarily. Implementing this would be improper, or at least worse than what's given.
On August 22, 2011, Lee went to Toronto's Liberty Studios to preview five mastered songs from the new album to a selected crowd of thirty people.[5][9] "My Heart Is Broken" was one of the five previewed songs. → On August 22, 2011, Lee went to Liberty Studios in Toronto in order to preview five mastered songs from the band's studio album—including "My Heart Is Broken"—to a selected crowd of thirty people.
Saga: Breaking Dawn.[10] Drummer Will Hunt said, → Saga:, with drummer Will Hunt saying;
However, the song was not included on the soundtrack. On September 27, 2011, the song premiered online, two weeks prior to the album's release. → However, the recording was not included on the soundtrack, subsequently premiering online on September 27, 2011, two weeks prior to the album's release.
single from the album. → single from Evanescence.
The song was sent to pop → As a result, the song was sent to pop
Is this necessarily a result of being announced as a single?
The Sword released "
The Hidden Masters"/"Arcane Montane" as a single, but that didn't necessarily mean it was going to radio. Likewise with
Pearl Jam's "
Black", which never saw a single release but has gone on to be one of their most well-known and well-charted and airplayed songs.
Image > Amy Lee performing during an Evanescence concert on October 25, 2011 → Lee performing with her band in October 2011.
Before you start with enlisting the reviews, you need to write a sentence like "Upon its release, the single received favorable reviews from
music critics."
Allmusic → AllMusic
Steve Beebee of rock magazine Kerrang! also chose the song as a highlight on the album, adding → Echoing this thought, Steve Beebee of rock magazine Kerrang! added
Lewis Corner chose the song → Lewis Corner labelled the recording
The following week, it fell to number 67, and the next week it fell off the chart. → The subsequent edition, it fell to position 67, with it exiting the chart after a total of three weeks.
I like the ending part, but "subsequent edition" may be unsuitable. "Following week" does the job fine. The average reader probably thinks of editions of the chart as different division of the same chart. (I mean, Billboard has a lot, and Canada and the UK also have several. The primary reader will be from there because that's where Evanescence has had the most success. So let's be perfectly clear.)
The accompanying music video → An accompanying music video
It began filming → Filming commenced
that the video for the song was "ethereal". She also said, "This → that the visual was "ethereal", also saying that; "This
Lee also stated that to get the surreality in the video, she further drew inspiration from the dark fantasy horror film Paperhouse (1988). → The singer further confessed that the clip draws inspiration from the..., in order to achieve the surreality.
Lee explained: "[It's about] → Echoing this thought, Lee explained; "[It's about]
To create the video, the band used fiber optics and according to Lee, they helped her drawing world around her from nothingness, and when she drew things with her hands, the things came to life. → When filming the video, fiber optics were used reportedly in order to create the effect of things coming to life after touching them.
She stated that "the guys' performance is sort of like the dream within the dream, in an abyss of darkness". → This brings nothing to the section and can be thus be removed.
This was intended for description of the band's performance in the video, as opposed to Amy Lee's. I can remove this for now, but what do you think about me re-implementing it later, if I can elaborate on it?
Change the title of this subtopic from "Concept" to "Synopsis"
The video begins with Lee lying on a black background while lyp-syncing the lyrics of the song. Shots of the rest of the band performing the song are shown as well as shots of Lee with a white light in her hand which she uses to draw lines. She gets up off the ground and starts creating grass around her with the white light. Shots of the band are shown again as well as Lee singing the song and showing her emotions. The camera then returns to Lee who's drawing stars with the light in her hand and walking in the world that she has created. The next shots feature Lee playing the piano in a room where the light comes from a small window. The video returns to Lee who draws a mirror and walls in her world and continues singing the song.[34] At the end, she looks through the window and touches the mirror which starts breaking and illuminating the screen with white light.[34][35] According to James Montgomery of MTV News, at the end, "she eventually realizes that, in spite of her attempts, she is just as trapped as she was before... At clip's end, the viewer is left to wonder whether she has the power to escape... which, in a way, only further connects the video to the song itself." → The video commences with Lee lying on a black background while lip-syncing the lyrics of the song, with shots of the fellow members and the singer drawing lines with a light in her hand being seen. Following this, she gets up off the ground and starts creating grass around her with the light previously shown. Subsequently, she is portrayed drawing stars and walking through the world she has created. The next scene sees the singer playing the piano in a room with a small window, which Lee then touches to break and to illuminate the screen with white light. According to James Montgomery of MTV News, at the end, "she eventually realizes that, in spite of her attempts, she is just as trapped as she was before [...] At clip's end, the viewer is left to wonder whether she has the power to escape [...] which...
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The song was written → you've already used "song" before; use "recording" here
Erm, I'm going to have to disagree with this one. You don't write recordings. Do you have another idea? I mean, I do see your redundancy point. Nevermind, replaced with "track" instead.
Unlink "production"
rock ballad that begins with piano and Lee's vocals before transcending into guitars and drums. → This is too detailed for the lead; maybe you can try something like: rock ballad, whose instrumentation consists of piano, guitars and drums.
The song received favorable → you've already used "song" before
who praised Lee's vocal and piano combination, as well as guitars and drums, and several chose it as a highlight on the album → who praised the combination between Lee's vocals and piano playing, as well as its fellow instrumentation; several of them chose it as a highlight on the album.
It reached → better: Commercially, it reached
92 → number 92
34 → number 34
filmed in December → the December of which year?
in Los Angeles and it was directed by → in Los Angeles by
Is "film" synonymous to "direct" here? I don't know, so I did tweak it from the original but would like to know this first. That is what would be happening if I implemented it the way you have it.
Williams and it was produced → Williams, while production was handled
wrote the song → you've already used "song" in the precedent sentence
She added that the band wrote the song along with "What You Want" and the piano part at the beginning of the song was written on a harp, which was a slower and an easier instrument for her → The singer added that the band wrote the single along with "What You Want", with the piano part at the beginning of the track being as well composed on a harp, which Lee considered a slower and easier instrument for her.
the song so when it was time to record the song it was impossible to play it on a harp. → the song, causing it not to be playable on a harp.
I would've had to alter the whole sentence to end it like this; if I just pasted it in, I'd have another grammar error. I have changed the ending, but not this way. Let me know if you like it; I will put it this way if you insist.
"My Heart Is Broken", saying: "A → "My Heart Is Broken" as being "a
The tone of the following sentence is a story of something that happened, not a description of something necessarily. Implementing this would be improper, or at least worse than what's given.
On August 22, 2011, Lee went to Toronto's Liberty Studios to preview five mastered songs from the new album to a selected crowd of thirty people.[5][9] "My Heart Is Broken" was one of the five previewed songs. → On August 22, 2011, Lee went to Liberty Studios in Toronto in order to preview five mastered songs from the band's studio album—including "My Heart Is Broken"—to a selected crowd of thirty people.
Saga: Breaking Dawn.[10] Drummer Will Hunt said, → Saga:, with drummer Will Hunt saying;
However, the song was not included on the soundtrack. On September 27, 2011, the song premiered online, two weeks prior to the album's release. → However, the recording was not included on the soundtrack, subsequently premiering online on September 27, 2011, two weeks prior to the album's release.
single from the album. → single from Evanescence.
The song was sent to pop → As a result, the song was sent to pop
Is this necessarily a result of being announced as a single?
The Sword released "
The Hidden Masters"/"Arcane Montane" as a single, but that didn't necessarily mean it was going to radio. Likewise with
Pearl Jam's "
Black", which never saw a single release but has gone on to be one of their most well-known and well-charted and airplayed songs.
Image > Amy Lee performing during an Evanescence concert on October 25, 2011 → Lee performing with her band in October 2011.
Before you start with enlisting the reviews, you need to write a sentence like "Upon its release, the single received favorable reviews from
music critics."
Allmusic → AllMusic
Steve Beebee of rock magazine Kerrang! also chose the song as a highlight on the album, adding → Echoing this thought, Steve Beebee of rock magazine Kerrang! added
Lewis Corner chose the song → Lewis Corner labelled the recording
The following week, it fell to number 67, and the next week it fell off the chart. → The subsequent edition, it fell to position 67, with it exiting the chart after a total of three weeks.
I like the ending part, but "subsequent edition" may be unsuitable. "Following week" does the job fine. The average reader probably thinks of editions of the chart as different division of the same chart. (I mean, Billboard has a lot, and Canada and the UK also have several. The primary reader will be from there because that's where Evanescence has had the most success. So let's be perfectly clear.)
The accompanying music video → An accompanying music video
It began filming → Filming commenced
that the video for the song was "ethereal". She also said, "This → that the visual was "ethereal", also saying that; "This
Lee also stated that to get the surreality in the video, she further drew inspiration from the dark fantasy horror film Paperhouse (1988). → The singer further confessed that the clip draws inspiration from the..., in order to achieve the surreality.
Lee explained: "[It's about] → Echoing this thought, Lee explained; "[It's about]
To create the video, the band used fiber optics and according to Lee, they helped her drawing world around her from nothingness, and when she drew things with her hands, the things came to life. → When filming the video, fiber optics were used reportedly in order to create the effect of things coming to life after touching them.
She stated that "the guys' performance is sort of like the dream within the dream, in an abyss of darkness". → This brings nothing to the section and can be thus be removed.
This was intended for description of the band's performance in the video, as opposed to Amy Lee's. I can remove this for now, but what do you think about me re-implementing it later, if I can elaborate on it?
Change the title of this subtopic from "Concept" to "Synopsis"
The video begins with Lee lying on a black background while lyp-syncing the lyrics of the song. Shots of the rest of the band performing the song are shown as well as shots of Lee with a white light in her hand which she uses to draw lines. She gets up off the ground and starts creating grass around her with the white light. Shots of the band are shown again as well as Lee singing the song and showing her emotions. The camera then returns to Lee who's drawing stars with the light in her hand and walking in the world that she has created. The next shots feature Lee playing the piano in a room where the light comes from a small window. The video returns to Lee who draws a mirror and walls in her world and continues singing the song.[34] At the end, she looks through the window and touches the mirror which starts breaking and illuminating the screen with white light.[34][35] According to James Montgomery of MTV News, at the end, "she eventually realizes that, in spite of her attempts, she is just as trapped as she was before... At clip's end, the viewer is left to wonder whether she has the power to escape... which, in a way, only further connects the video to the song itself." → The video commences with Lee lying on a black background while lip-syncing the lyrics of the song, with shots of the fellow members and the singer drawing lines with a light in her hand being seen. Following this, she gets up off the ground and starts creating grass around her with the light previously shown. Subsequently, she is portrayed drawing stars and walking through the world she has created. The next scene sees the singer playing the piano in a room with a small window, which Lee then touches to break and to illuminate the screen with white light. According to James Montgomery of MTV News, at the end, "she eventually realizes that, in spite of her attempts, she is just as trapped as she was before [...] At clip's end, the viewer is left to wonder whether she has the power to escape [...] which...
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.