From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Lead section clean-up

I have tagged the lead section of this article as possibly needing a rewrite because the opening paragraph(s) should succinctly summarize the article. The first sentence should briefly explain why the event being covered is notable. Unlike a newspaper article, the lead should not tease the reader for them to read on, rather it should inform the reader enough for them to decide whether to read the full article, or not. - Cameron Dewe ( talk) 09:50, 5 July 2022 (UTC) reply

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Murder of Logan Mwangi/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Steelkamp ( talk · contribs) 09:00, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply


Hello. I will be reviewing this article over the coming days. Steelkamp ( talk) 09:00, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply

Good article criteria

Well written

  • I'm not going to quickfail you for this as it should be easy to fix, but the user on the talk page is correct: the lead does need to be rewritten. In addition to what that user mentioned, the lead starts out as if the article is titled Logan Mwangi, as opposed to Murder of Logan Mwangi. The convictions of the murderers should also be mentioned in the lead. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Lead mentions Cole in particular was bigoted about Logan's ethnicity, but his ethnicity is not mentioned in the lead. The body of the article mentions he was mixed race, but does not say which particular races. You could solve this by mentioning the ethnicities of each of Logan's parents. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply

I think that Template:Infobox event would work better than the current infobox. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) There were only minor problems with the rest of the article's prose, which I fixed myself. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply

Verifiable with no original research

Broad in its coverage

I think this article could do with significant expansion. The sections on the murder and the police investigation and trial should be expanded. These sources show things that should be added to the article: [1] [2] [3] That third link in particular contains lots of information missing from this article. Some specific things that come to mind are:

Neutral

Stable

Illustrated, if possible

General

I'm going to place this review on hold for seven days whilst you fix the above issues. As there is some expansion that needs to happen, I will review the second criterion after you have expanded the article.

Thank you for the advice, I will work on the changes you suggested over the weekend. Llewee ( talk) 23:18, 20 July 2022 (UTC) reply

Hi Steelkamp, I was wondering if you would be able to look at the article again. I've tried to address the issues you pointed out.-- Llewee ( talk) 15:11, 14 August 2022 (UTC) reply

Ok, I'll look at the article today. Steelkamp ( talk) 04:50, 15 August 2022 (UTC) reply

Hello Steelkamp, It's been almost two weeks now. Are you sure your able to commit the time to finish this?-- Llewee ( talk) 09:45, 27 August 2022 (UTC) reply

I'll look at it now. Steelkamp ( talk) 13:38, 27 August 2022 (UTC) reply
Sorry, but I'm going to fail this review, mainly because the lead section is still not adequate. I know it says "the precise nature of the events leading up to the 5-year-old boy's death are difficult to ascertain", but the lead lacks detail and is disorganised. The lead also contains little information on the police investigation and trial. Feel free to renominate when those issues are fixed. Steelkamp ( talk) 04:25, 28 August 2022 (UTC) reply
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Lead section clean-up

I have tagged the lead section of this article as possibly needing a rewrite because the opening paragraph(s) should succinctly summarize the article. The first sentence should briefly explain why the event being covered is notable. Unlike a newspaper article, the lead should not tease the reader for them to read on, rather it should inform the reader enough for them to decide whether to read the full article, or not. - Cameron Dewe ( talk) 09:50, 5 July 2022 (UTC) reply

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Murder of Logan Mwangi/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Steelkamp ( talk · contribs) 09:00, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply


Hello. I will be reviewing this article over the coming days. Steelkamp ( talk) 09:00, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply

Good article criteria

Well written

  • I'm not going to quickfail you for this as it should be easy to fix, but the user on the talk page is correct: the lead does need to be rewritten. In addition to what that user mentioned, the lead starts out as if the article is titled Logan Mwangi, as opposed to Murder of Logan Mwangi. The convictions of the murderers should also be mentioned in the lead. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Lead mentions Cole in particular was bigoted about Logan's ethnicity, but his ethnicity is not mentioned in the lead. The body of the article mentions he was mixed race, but does not say which particular races. You could solve this by mentioning the ethnicities of each of Logan's parents. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply

I think that Template:Infobox event would work better than the current infobox. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) There were only minor problems with the rest of the article's prose, which I fixed myself. Steelkamp ( talk) 10:15, 19 July 2022 (UTC) reply

Verifiable with no original research

Broad in its coverage

I think this article could do with significant expansion. The sections on the murder and the police investigation and trial should be expanded. These sources show things that should be added to the article: [1] [2] [3] That third link in particular contains lots of information missing from this article. Some specific things that come to mind are:

Neutral

Stable

Illustrated, if possible

General

I'm going to place this review on hold for seven days whilst you fix the above issues. As there is some expansion that needs to happen, I will review the second criterion after you have expanded the article.

Thank you for the advice, I will work on the changes you suggested over the weekend. Llewee ( talk) 23:18, 20 July 2022 (UTC) reply

Hi Steelkamp, I was wondering if you would be able to look at the article again. I've tried to address the issues you pointed out.-- Llewee ( talk) 15:11, 14 August 2022 (UTC) reply

Ok, I'll look at the article today. Steelkamp ( talk) 04:50, 15 August 2022 (UTC) reply

Hello Steelkamp, It's been almost two weeks now. Are you sure your able to commit the time to finish this?-- Llewee ( talk) 09:45, 27 August 2022 (UTC) reply

I'll look at it now. Steelkamp ( talk) 13:38, 27 August 2022 (UTC) reply
Sorry, but I'm going to fail this review, mainly because the lead section is still not adequate. I know it says "the precise nature of the events leading up to the 5-year-old boy's death are difficult to ascertain", but the lead lacks detail and is disorganised. The lead also contains little information on the police investigation and trial. Feel free to renominate when those issues are fixed. Steelkamp ( talk) 04:25, 28 August 2022 (UTC) reply

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