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Reviewer: Mike Christie ( talk · contribs) 13:55, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:55, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
I'll copyedit as I go; please revert as needed.
They are working on a womenswear line: This is cited to a 2012 source; I'd either remove this or, if you can bring it up to date, give current details, along with an "As of 2018" qualifier. And doesn't this duplicate "Expansion plans include...female-targeted accessories"? The same thing applies to that sentence in any case, since that's a 2011 source.
As of August 2011, there were 40 varieties, and 50 as of September 2011: rather than having two old data points, can we have a current data point?
As of April 2013, stated it expected: something is wrong here.
With their investment from BFG: this is phrased as though the reader already knows about the investment, whcih is not the case. And who is BFG?
As of May 2011, it claimed to be the world's largest fancy dress brand: I think this sort of claim is probably best omitted without a better source; I understand that the article just says they claim it, but it's not really a notable fact unless it's true, in which case we need a better source.
The company expect sales of £309,980 in October 2012.
The brand has tried to distance itself from the term zentai, and the concept of fetish usagenear the end of the article, which comes as a surprise. Can we explain the issue before we give the solution? E.g. "Zentai suits are sometimes associated with spandex fetishism, and the brand has tried to distance itself from this concept", assuming that we can source the first part of that statement reliably.
Overall this is quite a long way from GA, and I doubt it can be fixed in the time frame of a GA review. However, you've been waiting a long time for the review, so I'll place the article on hold until you get a chance to respond. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 14:41, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
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Reviewer: Mike Christie ( talk · contribs) 13:55, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:55, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
I'll copyedit as I go; please revert as needed.
They are working on a womenswear line: This is cited to a 2012 source; I'd either remove this or, if you can bring it up to date, give current details, along with an "As of 2018" qualifier. And doesn't this duplicate "Expansion plans include...female-targeted accessories"? The same thing applies to that sentence in any case, since that's a 2011 source.
As of August 2011, there were 40 varieties, and 50 as of September 2011: rather than having two old data points, can we have a current data point?
As of April 2013, stated it expected: something is wrong here.
With their investment from BFG: this is phrased as though the reader already knows about the investment, whcih is not the case. And who is BFG?
As of May 2011, it claimed to be the world's largest fancy dress brand: I think this sort of claim is probably best omitted without a better source; I understand that the article just says they claim it, but it's not really a notable fact unless it's true, in which case we need a better source.
The company expect sales of £309,980 in October 2012.
The brand has tried to distance itself from the term zentai, and the concept of fetish usagenear the end of the article, which comes as a surprise. Can we explain the issue before we give the solution? E.g. "Zentai suits are sometimes associated with spandex fetishism, and the brand has tried to distance itself from this concept", assuming that we can source the first part of that statement reliably.
Overall this is quite a long way from GA, and I doubt it can be fixed in the time frame of a GA review. However, you've been waiting a long time for the review, so I'll place the article on hold until you get a chance to respond. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 14:41, 28 January 2018 (UTC)