The choice and distribution of images seem a bit odd? For example, the taxobox image is pretty bad compared to the one under description, and though the one under reproduction is historically interesting (I uploaded it, took a while to find it), isn't it possible to find better recent photos of a parent with a juvenile?
Sounds good. Also, perhaps show the skeleton? I saw a few such photos on Commons.
[1] The photo under description seems so good in composition, that I'm thinking of fixing the red eye effect in Photoshop?
FunkMonk (
talk)
06:22, 11 July 2016 (UTC)reply
"the Mediterranean monk seal, Monachus monachus; the Hawaiian monk seal, Neomonachus schauinslandi; and the Caribbean monk seal, Neomonachus tropicalis" I think this would look better and less convoluted if you put the scientific names in parenthesis.
"Monk seals are part of the family Phocidae, the members of which are characterized by their lack of external ears and inability to rotate the hind flippers under the body." Why is this mentioned all the way down in description? Should be in taxonomy, and mention the common name.
"Average lifespan varies between species, with the Hawaiian monk seal living up to 30 years in the wild, whereas the Mediterranean monk seal lives up to 45 years." What does this have to do with description?
The info should of course be included, but as I mentioned below, such functional info would make more sense in a separate behaviour/biology section (with diet and reproduction as subsections), rather than lumped with physical description.
FunkMonk (
talk)
10:14, 24 July 2016 (UTC)reply
Alright, I still think the "biology" section should be renamed into "description", but that of course creates a problem with the non-descriptive info there (age, moulting), which I think could be moved to behaviour, though.
FunkMonk (
talk)
23:00, 2 August 2016 (UTC)reply
Changed name to Description. Age and moulting aren't really 'behaviours' as such; age has nothing to do with behaviour, and an annual molt is just another characteristic of earless seals User:Dunkleosteus77 |
push to talk01:51, 3 August 2016 (UTC)reply
"The monk seal’s physique is ideally suited for hunting its prey: fish, octopus, lobster, and squid in deep water coral beds.[13] When it is not hunting and eating, it generally basks on the sandy beaches and volcanic rock of the Northwest Hawaiian Islands.[14]" Also doesn't fit under description. Seems you should have a general behaviour/biology section to dump such info in. Perhaps the moulting info as well.
"Very little is known of the Mediterranean monk seal's reproduction." Doesn't saeem so from the long paragraph devoted to it? Also seems rather wird that you would put sucha disclaimer there, when none comes before the single sentence about the Hawaiian monk seals.
Also, it would be nice if you were consistent in the order that the species are discussed in each sentence. But in Reproduction, the Caribbean monk sea should then be discussed last.
"two-thirds of its seal population were wiped out within two months, extremely compromising the species' viable population. While opinions on the precise causes of this epidemic" You need to mention they were wiped out by an epidemic in the first sentence.
done
You have no descriptive or behaviour info in the intro. The intro should be a summary of the article, and I think such info should completely replace the second paragraph of the intro, which goes into way too much detail (as much detail as the article body itself even).
I'll get on that
done
"and the Caribbean monk seal was exploited since the 1500s until the 1850s, when populations were too low to hunt commercially." Only mentioned in intro.
added in Caribbean monk seal section
You mention how many Mediterranean seals that are left in the world, but I can't seem to find where you mention how many Hawaiian seals that are left. Should be added then.
The choice and distribution of images seem a bit odd? For example, the taxobox image is pretty bad compared to the one under description, and though the one under reproduction is historically interesting (I uploaded it, took a while to find it), isn't it possible to find better recent photos of a parent with a juvenile?
Sounds good. Also, perhaps show the skeleton? I saw a few such photos on Commons.
[1] The photo under description seems so good in composition, that I'm thinking of fixing the red eye effect in Photoshop?
FunkMonk (
talk)
06:22, 11 July 2016 (UTC)reply
"the Mediterranean monk seal, Monachus monachus; the Hawaiian monk seal, Neomonachus schauinslandi; and the Caribbean monk seal, Neomonachus tropicalis" I think this would look better and less convoluted if you put the scientific names in parenthesis.
"Monk seals are part of the family Phocidae, the members of which are characterized by their lack of external ears and inability to rotate the hind flippers under the body." Why is this mentioned all the way down in description? Should be in taxonomy, and mention the common name.
"Average lifespan varies between species, with the Hawaiian monk seal living up to 30 years in the wild, whereas the Mediterranean monk seal lives up to 45 years." What does this have to do with description?
The info should of course be included, but as I mentioned below, such functional info would make more sense in a separate behaviour/biology section (with diet and reproduction as subsections), rather than lumped with physical description.
FunkMonk (
talk)
10:14, 24 July 2016 (UTC)reply
Alright, I still think the "biology" section should be renamed into "description", but that of course creates a problem with the non-descriptive info there (age, moulting), which I think could be moved to behaviour, though.
FunkMonk (
talk)
23:00, 2 August 2016 (UTC)reply
Changed name to Description. Age and moulting aren't really 'behaviours' as such; age has nothing to do with behaviour, and an annual molt is just another characteristic of earless seals User:Dunkleosteus77 |
push to talk01:51, 3 August 2016 (UTC)reply
"The monk seal’s physique is ideally suited for hunting its prey: fish, octopus, lobster, and squid in deep water coral beds.[13] When it is not hunting and eating, it generally basks on the sandy beaches and volcanic rock of the Northwest Hawaiian Islands.[14]" Also doesn't fit under description. Seems you should have a general behaviour/biology section to dump such info in. Perhaps the moulting info as well.
"Very little is known of the Mediterranean monk seal's reproduction." Doesn't saeem so from the long paragraph devoted to it? Also seems rather wird that you would put sucha disclaimer there, when none comes before the single sentence about the Hawaiian monk seals.
Also, it would be nice if you were consistent in the order that the species are discussed in each sentence. But in Reproduction, the Caribbean monk sea should then be discussed last.
"two-thirds of its seal population were wiped out within two months, extremely compromising the species' viable population. While opinions on the precise causes of this epidemic" You need to mention they were wiped out by an epidemic in the first sentence.
done
You have no descriptive or behaviour info in the intro. The intro should be a summary of the article, and I think such info should completely replace the second paragraph of the intro, which goes into way too much detail (as much detail as the article body itself even).
I'll get on that
done
"and the Caribbean monk seal was exploited since the 1500s until the 1850s, when populations were too low to hunt commercially." Only mentioned in intro.
added in Caribbean monk seal section
You mention how many Mediterranean seals that are left in the world, but I can't seem to find where you mention how many Hawaiian seals that are left. Should be added then.