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Reviewer: TeacherA ( talk) 23:53, 9 January 2011 (UTC)
This is a great start for a good article but needs work before it reaches that point. Go through the article with a fine tooth comb and make it better.
Romney may be running against Obama. Obama is a FA. Romney is referred to as a "politician" in the introduction but not Obama. This is probably an oversight. Insert non-formatted text here
Care must be used when writing. It is called the "affluent suburb of Bloomfield...". Without saying it must stay or must go, be very careful when using that type of description. The same when saying his school was "elite". Obama's high school is extremely elite but it is not mentioned (maybe that's why it is a FA).
Does things like "Mitt campaigned for him using loudspeakers at county fairs, exclaiming "You should vote for my father for Governor. He's a truly great person."[4]" belong. Think hard, again.
There is much text devoted to the car accident. Think hard if it belongs. These are the type of questions you have to ask. Actually, some of the details are entertaining to read, like it was a Citroen.
"Leveraged buyouts such as those Bain Capital did sometimes led to layoffs.[31][38] Of these, Romney later said, "Sometimes the medicine is a little bitter but it is necessary to save the life of the patient." What is this trying to say. It would be like saying the President of Exxon didn't do anything for some employment cases, causing some terminated employees a long legal battle. Again, think hard about this and other paragraphs. Unlike the car accident, consider toning this down or taking it out.
"During his years in business, Romney did not neglect his religious duties. He tithed constantly, giving millions of dollars to the LDS Church.[" This is commentary. It is conversational, but be very careful. There are many statements like this in the article. "Romney came from behind to win the Massachusetts Republican Party's nomination for U.S. Senate after advertising on television heavily," is another example. Say "Bob Dole advertised a lot on TV" and is that good?
Be very careful when you describe his governorship.
Huckabee attacked Romney for failing to eat the chicken skin of a fried chicken thigh. Did you know that?! There is a CNN reference. I am not telling you that it should be in the article. This is just a factoid that I know.
Ask Mitt Anything has two photos. Undue weight?
Be very careful about political positions. The Obama article had a discussion and it was decided to remove it. Political positions before or now? If now, is that a political advertisement? Think hard but I will not use that as a reason for or against GA. Just make sure it's written well.
The use of the notes at the end is very entertaining but thing hard if things like the Vulcan grip should be in a GA.
In short, I have commented on editorial content. Making sure all the references are in the same format is important but we shouldn't have articles as FA or GA just because the t's are crossed.
Good luck! TeacherA ( talk) 00:14, 10 January 2011 (UTC)
I've added the standard template in External links for Governors. There's a note in the EL section which simply isn't true, and should be removed. References, External links and Further reading each have their own purpose. Flatterworld ( talk) 00:31, 22 January 2011 (UTC)
Support. Looks like a good article to me. Well done. Anythingyouwant ( talk) 03:34, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
Wasted Time R is quite polite in responding. An "A" for effort. However, there are quite a few excuses indicating refusal to improve the article.
Mr. Time R mentioned about why the Obama article doesn't go into Punahou. The probable reason is that it is a FA and if there is change, people will resist (funny, Obama is the politician who won because of promised change). With Romney running for president (ok, he won't admit it yet), if this is a GA, there will be much resistance to any change so, as Jimbo Wales said, we must get it right.
I didn't mention it earlier, but his official portrait as governor should be used. Is Massachusetts a public domain state, like the United States federal government's public domain policy for photos?
I will give him plenty of time to work on this as I am not on a mission to give people an "F". No good teacher would do that. TeacherA ( talk) 20:41, 29 January 2011 (UTC)
Sorry, this is not a GA. This is not to say you put in effort or it is bad (opposite of good). The editorial decisions need improvement and merely fulfilling the technical criteria is not enough. Believe me, I have read thousands of essays as a teacher. This would be first rate for a third grader but not a GA for an adult. Sorry. TeacherA ( talk) 00:53, 20 February 2011 (UTC)
This article, despite lots of effort fails. Rather than fight and resist, step back for a while and retry.
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Reviewing |
Article (
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visual edit |
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Reviewer: TeacherA ( talk) 23:53, 9 January 2011 (UTC)
This is a great start for a good article but needs work before it reaches that point. Go through the article with a fine tooth comb and make it better.
Romney may be running against Obama. Obama is a FA. Romney is referred to as a "politician" in the introduction but not Obama. This is probably an oversight. Insert non-formatted text here
Care must be used when writing. It is called the "affluent suburb of Bloomfield...". Without saying it must stay or must go, be very careful when using that type of description. The same when saying his school was "elite". Obama's high school is extremely elite but it is not mentioned (maybe that's why it is a FA).
Does things like "Mitt campaigned for him using loudspeakers at county fairs, exclaiming "You should vote for my father for Governor. He's a truly great person."[4]" belong. Think hard, again.
There is much text devoted to the car accident. Think hard if it belongs. These are the type of questions you have to ask. Actually, some of the details are entertaining to read, like it was a Citroen.
"Leveraged buyouts such as those Bain Capital did sometimes led to layoffs.[31][38] Of these, Romney later said, "Sometimes the medicine is a little bitter but it is necessary to save the life of the patient." What is this trying to say. It would be like saying the President of Exxon didn't do anything for some employment cases, causing some terminated employees a long legal battle. Again, think hard about this and other paragraphs. Unlike the car accident, consider toning this down or taking it out.
"During his years in business, Romney did not neglect his religious duties. He tithed constantly, giving millions of dollars to the LDS Church.[" This is commentary. It is conversational, but be very careful. There are many statements like this in the article. "Romney came from behind to win the Massachusetts Republican Party's nomination for U.S. Senate after advertising on television heavily," is another example. Say "Bob Dole advertised a lot on TV" and is that good?
Be very careful when you describe his governorship.
Huckabee attacked Romney for failing to eat the chicken skin of a fried chicken thigh. Did you know that?! There is a CNN reference. I am not telling you that it should be in the article. This is just a factoid that I know.
Ask Mitt Anything has two photos. Undue weight?
Be very careful about political positions. The Obama article had a discussion and it was decided to remove it. Political positions before or now? If now, is that a political advertisement? Think hard but I will not use that as a reason for or against GA. Just make sure it's written well.
The use of the notes at the end is very entertaining but thing hard if things like the Vulcan grip should be in a GA.
In short, I have commented on editorial content. Making sure all the references are in the same format is important but we shouldn't have articles as FA or GA just because the t's are crossed.
Good luck! TeacherA ( talk) 00:14, 10 January 2011 (UTC)
I've added the standard template in External links for Governors. There's a note in the EL section which simply isn't true, and should be removed. References, External links and Further reading each have their own purpose. Flatterworld ( talk) 00:31, 22 January 2011 (UTC)
Support. Looks like a good article to me. Well done. Anythingyouwant ( talk) 03:34, 15 January 2011 (UTC)
Wasted Time R is quite polite in responding. An "A" for effort. However, there are quite a few excuses indicating refusal to improve the article.
Mr. Time R mentioned about why the Obama article doesn't go into Punahou. The probable reason is that it is a FA and if there is change, people will resist (funny, Obama is the politician who won because of promised change). With Romney running for president (ok, he won't admit it yet), if this is a GA, there will be much resistance to any change so, as Jimbo Wales said, we must get it right.
I didn't mention it earlier, but his official portrait as governor should be used. Is Massachusetts a public domain state, like the United States federal government's public domain policy for photos?
I will give him plenty of time to work on this as I am not on a mission to give people an "F". No good teacher would do that. TeacherA ( talk) 20:41, 29 January 2011 (UTC)
Sorry, this is not a GA. This is not to say you put in effort or it is bad (opposite of good). The editorial decisions need improvement and merely fulfilling the technical criteria is not enough. Believe me, I have read thousands of essays as a teacher. This would be first rate for a third grader but not a GA for an adult. Sorry. TeacherA ( talk) 00:53, 20 February 2011 (UTC)
This article, despite lots of effort fails. Rather than fight and resist, step back for a while and retry.