I'll try to pick this one up. More notes soon.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 00:48, 6 May 2024 (UTC)reply
As usual, we'll start with the body, and see how far we get.
Gameplay
The first sentence is really important here, for readers who don't really know what this is and are looking to find out. Let's try: "Missle Command 3D is a shoot 'em up game based on the arcade game Missile Command, where the player defends a city by firing missiles at incoming targets."
We can circle back and improve this section once it's been changed for flow. I think it makes sense to describe the overall gameplay, then have the later paragraphs discuss the modes.
Development
"approached Virtuality" -> "approached Virtuality to produce it"
"Discussion between both companies resumed in 1994 and they later announced their partnership to create a domestic VR headset for Jaguar, based on Virtuality's gaming systems." -> "After discussions resumed in 1994, the companies announced a partnership in 1995, leading to the production of a VR headset for the Jaguar based on Virtuality's technology."
"In 1995, a deal was reached whereby Virtuality would develop software to share with Atari and third-parties to make VR-compatible titles, while Atari would finance Virtuality's production of two VR games for Jaguar, including Missile Command." -> "According to the terms of the deal, Virtuality would develop software that would allow Atari and third-party developers to produce VR-compatible titles, while Atari would finance Virtuality's production of two VR games for Jaguar, including Missile Command."
"It was programmed by Martin Brownlow, who had previously written the VR arcade games Buggy Ball and Virtuality Boxing, as his first console game release" -> "The game was programmed by Martin Brownlow, who had previously written the VR arcade games Buggy Ball and Virtuality Boxing.
"Brownlow was initially skeptical when told to make a virtual reality version of Missile Command, but eventually relented and decided to do it." -> "Despite his initial skepticism towards adapting Missile Command into virtual reality, Brownlow eventually agreed to take part in the project."
"He did not receive support for the "Original Missile Command" mode from Atari, who gave him a design document for the Microsoft Arcade version of Missile Command." -> this sentence is confusing. I'm not sure if it adds anything and it would be easy enough to delete it.
Done -- I more or less claryfied this paragraph. Basically, the programmer did not receive any kind of support from Atari regarding the original mode and instead received a design document from the Microsoft Arcade iteration of Missile Command for reference.
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 23:32, 7 May 2024 (UTC)reply
" but at one point Atari wanted to abandon the Virtual mode in favor of it" -> this part is also a little confusing.
Done -- From what i understood regarding the interview with Martin Brownlow, Atari wanted to abandon the Vritual mode in favor of making the game solely dedicated to the 3D mode at one point during production.
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 23:32, 7 May 2024 (UTC)reply
"Originally, there were nine bosses, one of which was a dragon inspired by Panzer Dragoon, but this was increased to ten when one of the artists came up with a new boss. However, each level has three bosses per stage due to cartridge memory size limitations." -> this is unnecessarily dense, and seems out of place in development. We could easily say "The game features 10 bosses", and add it to the gameplay section. I don't think this is necessary here.
" Production of the game took six months and development was completed by December 11, 1995. " -> this is a good final sentence. Either remove or move the sentence that comes after.
"The game was first showcased behind closed doors at E3 1995 under the name Missile Command 2000, planning for release in Christmas 1995 alongside the Jaguar VR peripheral." -> "The game was first showcased at E3 1995 under the name Missile Command 2000, intended for release with the Jaguar VR peripheral in Christmas 1995."
"Missile Command 3D received mixed reviews. Reactions to the "Original Missile Command" mode proved divisive." -> "Missile Command 3D received mixed reviews, with the "Original Missile Command" mode providing divisive among journalists."
"Game Zero Magazine found it to be faithful arcade port, while Game Players' Chris Charla said that the mode was fun from a nostalgic viewpoint." -> "Game Players' Chris Charla said that the mode was fun from a nostalgic viewpoint, while Game Zero Magazine described it as a faithful port of the arcade version." (invert)
" Ultimate Future Games saw it as nothing more than a nostalgic novelty," -> "However, Ultimate Future Games saw it as nothing more than a nostalgic novelty." (flow)
"while Digital Press' Edward Villalpando felt that the different background borders added nothing to the original mode. ST Format's Iain Laskey felt that the original mode was a poor replica of Missile Command," -> "ST Format's Iain Laskey felt that the original mode was a poor replica of Missile Command, while Digital Press' Edward Villalpando felt that the different background borders added nothing to the original mode." (invert)
"while Marc Abramson of the French ST Magazine said that it was unplayable due to being slow." ->Marc Abramson of ST Magazine criticized the original mode as slow and unplayable."
"Reviewers gave favorable commentary to the "3D Missile Command" mode." -> "Meanwhile, the "3D Missile Command" mode received more favorable commentary."
" Computer and Video Games' Paul Davies liked its audiovisual department" -> "Computer and Video Games' Paul Davies praised its audiovisual presentation"
... this paragraph has a lot of pairings of comments, in the form "X, while Y" or "X, whereas Y". The pairings don't make obvious sense. I would consider pairing up comments that seem to highlight similar things, or don't pair them at all. (e.g.: split them into shorter sentences.)
" Critics tended to mainly focus on the "Virtual Missile Command" mode" -> the meaning of this is unclear, especially since the feedback isn't always critical
"Next Generation regarded Virtual mode to be the best of the three versions but felt that it would have a greater impact if the gameplay had been built upon further." -> "Next Generation regarded Virtual mode to be the best of the three versions, while feeling that its gameplay deserved to be expanded."
" Davies felt that the mode updated the game with the first-person perspective. Charla saw that it did a good job of updating the arcade original with power-ups and different stages. " -> this is an example where the two thoughts are similar enough that pairing them up would make sense
" Villalpando considered it to be the most interesting variant due to the bosses but noted that manually detonating the missiles was a poor design choice" -> " Villalpando considered it to be the most interesting variant due to the bosses, but disliked the mechanics for manually detonating missiles."
"Game Zero Magazine saw that it suffered from a choppy frame rate but not enough to become unplayable, whereas the German publication ST-Computer pointed out problems with Virtual mode when playing on European Jaguar consoles, particularly when the game suddenly crashes after completing a level." -> Game Zero Magazine criticized the mode's frame rate, while German publication ST-Computer noted crashes and instability on European Jaguar consoles."
"The Atari Times' Bruce Clarke praised the polygonal visuals in Virtual mode for showing off the Atari Jaguar's capabilities and stated that they compared well to PlayStation or Nintendo 64 titles." -> "The Atari Times' Bruce Clarke felt that the Virtual mode showed off the Atari Jaguar's capabilities, comparing it favorably to contemporary games for the PlayStation and Nintendo 64."
Focus more specifically on the game. I count three statements that are directly relevant: the first sentence of the first paragraph, the last sentence of the first paragraph, and the last sentence of the last paragraph.
That's a pretty full load. See how far you can get. Each section will definitely need one more pass, plus the lead.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 17:59, 7 May 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Shooterwalker:Hello there! Just wanted to know that i'm still on stand by for more comments regarding MC3D. Have a good day :)
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 15:22, 16 May 2024 (UTC)reply
Thanks for all your work on this. Let's do another pass on it, this time with the lead too.
Lead'
"published by Atari Corporation for the Atari Jaguar." -> "published for the Atari Jaguar."
Done --
We can make this simpler for the first sentence. We can also link Atari later when we talk about them in a publishing sense.
"Gameplay is divided into three modes, with the player defending six cities from incoming missiles by launching anti-ballistic missiles from three bases." ->" The game has the player defending six cities from incoming missiles by launching anti-ballistic missiles."
Also cut the part about "The deal between Atari and Virtuality collapsed in 1996, while the Jaguar VR headset was cancelled due to health cocerns but some working prototypes were recovered by collectors. Virtuality sold the unused Jaguar VR technology to Takara and Philips, resulting in the Dynovisor TAK-8510 and Scuba Visor headsets respectively."
Instead, we're going to say "Atari contracted with Virtuality to create a Jaguar VR headset, but production on the hardware was cancelled due to health concerns."
"The player's counter missiles will leave a fireball behind their explosion that will persist for several seconds and destroy enemy missiles caught within range." -> "The player's anti-ballistic missiles also leave a temporary trail of fire, which destroys enemy missiles caught within range."
"The player can earn bonus cities to replace destroyed ones after obtaining pre-determined scores at the end of a level." -> "The player can rebuild destroyed cities by reaching certain high scores at the end of each level."
"The premise takes place in a country attacked by foreign nations and on a distant planet where alien forces invade a human colony." -> is this true for all three modes, or just the virtual mode? If all three, move it to after the next sentence.
"In Virtual mode, the main defense mechanism against enemy missiles and the enemies themselves are lasers, renouncing missiles as a secondary defense mechanism and the player can switch between bases." -> In Virtual mode, players mainly defend the cities using lasers, with missiles becoming a secondary defense mechanism."
" and one after the first includes a boss encounter, and three difficulty levels" -> this part is confusing. Maybe make it into its own sentence and clarify?
"In Original mode, the player can zoom in or out of the screen and change the background border to a television, arcade machine, or an Atari Lynx." -> cut this as excessive detail and out of place.
"At one point during development, Atari wanted to abandon the Virtual mode to dedicate the game solely to 3D mode." -> cut this as trivial. A non-event.
"Brownlow found the Jaguar's hardware difficult to program due to limited GPU memory and a bug in the Blitter processor that caused him issues." -> Brownlow found it difficult to develop for the Jaguar hardware due to its limited GPU memory, as well as a bug in the processor."
"with the "Original" mode providing divisive among journalists." -> "with journalist divided in their opinion of the "Original" mode." (This can be short -- one sentence. It's not bad if it covers some of the same ground as the Legacy section.)
The reception section is basically good. There might be some minor tweaks in the wrap-up.
I'm still not sure about the Legacy section. But it's definitely a better read now, and more on-topic.
Let's leave it there for now and see how it all feels. It will be very close after those updates.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 18:29, 19 May 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Shooterwalker:Done with the second pass! I checked out every inquiry that needed to be addressed. I'll be on stand by for addditional comments.
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 23:31, 19 May 2024 (UTC)reply
Great work. We're within reach of GA with just a few more notes.
Let's resequence the development and release information:
"It is the only game compatible with the Jaguar VR peripheral.
Atari contracted with Virtuality to create a Jaguar VR headset, but production on the hardware was cancelled due to health concerns. Virtuality agreed to develop the game as part of the production, which was ultimately completed by Martin Barlow as lead programmer. A PC port was to be released by Atari Interactive but it was never published." -> "Virtuality agreed to create a Jaguar VR headset for Atari, which included development of Missile Command 3D. The game was ultimately completed by Martin Barlow as lead programmer, but the VR headset was cancelled due to health concerns. It remains the only game compatible with the peripheral."
That should definitely be good enough.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 18:25, 21 May 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Shooterwalker:All set and done. Let me know if there's anything else left to check out and thank you once again for reviewing another Atari Jaguar article :D
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 18:40, 21 May 2024 (UTC)reply
Thank you for your work on this. Happy to call this a GA.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 15:42, 22 May 2024 (UTC)reply
I'll try to pick this one up. More notes soon.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 00:48, 6 May 2024 (UTC)reply
As usual, we'll start with the body, and see how far we get.
Gameplay
The first sentence is really important here, for readers who don't really know what this is and are looking to find out. Let's try: "Missle Command 3D is a shoot 'em up game based on the arcade game Missile Command, where the player defends a city by firing missiles at incoming targets."
We can circle back and improve this section once it's been changed for flow. I think it makes sense to describe the overall gameplay, then have the later paragraphs discuss the modes.
Development
"approached Virtuality" -> "approached Virtuality to produce it"
"Discussion between both companies resumed in 1994 and they later announced their partnership to create a domestic VR headset for Jaguar, based on Virtuality's gaming systems." -> "After discussions resumed in 1994, the companies announced a partnership in 1995, leading to the production of a VR headset for the Jaguar based on Virtuality's technology."
"In 1995, a deal was reached whereby Virtuality would develop software to share with Atari and third-parties to make VR-compatible titles, while Atari would finance Virtuality's production of two VR games for Jaguar, including Missile Command." -> "According to the terms of the deal, Virtuality would develop software that would allow Atari and third-party developers to produce VR-compatible titles, while Atari would finance Virtuality's production of two VR games for Jaguar, including Missile Command."
"It was programmed by Martin Brownlow, who had previously written the VR arcade games Buggy Ball and Virtuality Boxing, as his first console game release" -> "The game was programmed by Martin Brownlow, who had previously written the VR arcade games Buggy Ball and Virtuality Boxing.
"Brownlow was initially skeptical when told to make a virtual reality version of Missile Command, but eventually relented and decided to do it." -> "Despite his initial skepticism towards adapting Missile Command into virtual reality, Brownlow eventually agreed to take part in the project."
"He did not receive support for the "Original Missile Command" mode from Atari, who gave him a design document for the Microsoft Arcade version of Missile Command." -> this sentence is confusing. I'm not sure if it adds anything and it would be easy enough to delete it.
Done -- I more or less claryfied this paragraph. Basically, the programmer did not receive any kind of support from Atari regarding the original mode and instead received a design document from the Microsoft Arcade iteration of Missile Command for reference.
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 23:32, 7 May 2024 (UTC)reply
" but at one point Atari wanted to abandon the Virtual mode in favor of it" -> this part is also a little confusing.
Done -- From what i understood regarding the interview with Martin Brownlow, Atari wanted to abandon the Vritual mode in favor of making the game solely dedicated to the 3D mode at one point during production.
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 23:32, 7 May 2024 (UTC)reply
"Originally, there were nine bosses, one of which was a dragon inspired by Panzer Dragoon, but this was increased to ten when one of the artists came up with a new boss. However, each level has three bosses per stage due to cartridge memory size limitations." -> this is unnecessarily dense, and seems out of place in development. We could easily say "The game features 10 bosses", and add it to the gameplay section. I don't think this is necessary here.
" Production of the game took six months and development was completed by December 11, 1995. " -> this is a good final sentence. Either remove or move the sentence that comes after.
"The game was first showcased behind closed doors at E3 1995 under the name Missile Command 2000, planning for release in Christmas 1995 alongside the Jaguar VR peripheral." -> "The game was first showcased at E3 1995 under the name Missile Command 2000, intended for release with the Jaguar VR peripheral in Christmas 1995."
"Missile Command 3D received mixed reviews. Reactions to the "Original Missile Command" mode proved divisive." -> "Missile Command 3D received mixed reviews, with the "Original Missile Command" mode providing divisive among journalists."
"Game Zero Magazine found it to be faithful arcade port, while Game Players' Chris Charla said that the mode was fun from a nostalgic viewpoint." -> "Game Players' Chris Charla said that the mode was fun from a nostalgic viewpoint, while Game Zero Magazine described it as a faithful port of the arcade version." (invert)
" Ultimate Future Games saw it as nothing more than a nostalgic novelty," -> "However, Ultimate Future Games saw it as nothing more than a nostalgic novelty." (flow)
"while Digital Press' Edward Villalpando felt that the different background borders added nothing to the original mode. ST Format's Iain Laskey felt that the original mode was a poor replica of Missile Command," -> "ST Format's Iain Laskey felt that the original mode was a poor replica of Missile Command, while Digital Press' Edward Villalpando felt that the different background borders added nothing to the original mode." (invert)
"while Marc Abramson of the French ST Magazine said that it was unplayable due to being slow." ->Marc Abramson of ST Magazine criticized the original mode as slow and unplayable."
"Reviewers gave favorable commentary to the "3D Missile Command" mode." -> "Meanwhile, the "3D Missile Command" mode received more favorable commentary."
" Computer and Video Games' Paul Davies liked its audiovisual department" -> "Computer and Video Games' Paul Davies praised its audiovisual presentation"
... this paragraph has a lot of pairings of comments, in the form "X, while Y" or "X, whereas Y". The pairings don't make obvious sense. I would consider pairing up comments that seem to highlight similar things, or don't pair them at all. (e.g.: split them into shorter sentences.)
" Critics tended to mainly focus on the "Virtual Missile Command" mode" -> the meaning of this is unclear, especially since the feedback isn't always critical
"Next Generation regarded Virtual mode to be the best of the three versions but felt that it would have a greater impact if the gameplay had been built upon further." -> "Next Generation regarded Virtual mode to be the best of the three versions, while feeling that its gameplay deserved to be expanded."
" Davies felt that the mode updated the game with the first-person perspective. Charla saw that it did a good job of updating the arcade original with power-ups and different stages. " -> this is an example where the two thoughts are similar enough that pairing them up would make sense
" Villalpando considered it to be the most interesting variant due to the bosses but noted that manually detonating the missiles was a poor design choice" -> " Villalpando considered it to be the most interesting variant due to the bosses, but disliked the mechanics for manually detonating missiles."
"Game Zero Magazine saw that it suffered from a choppy frame rate but not enough to become unplayable, whereas the German publication ST-Computer pointed out problems with Virtual mode when playing on European Jaguar consoles, particularly when the game suddenly crashes after completing a level." -> Game Zero Magazine criticized the mode's frame rate, while German publication ST-Computer noted crashes and instability on European Jaguar consoles."
"The Atari Times' Bruce Clarke praised the polygonal visuals in Virtual mode for showing off the Atari Jaguar's capabilities and stated that they compared well to PlayStation or Nintendo 64 titles." -> "The Atari Times' Bruce Clarke felt that the Virtual mode showed off the Atari Jaguar's capabilities, comparing it favorably to contemporary games for the PlayStation and Nintendo 64."
Focus more specifically on the game. I count three statements that are directly relevant: the first sentence of the first paragraph, the last sentence of the first paragraph, and the last sentence of the last paragraph.
That's a pretty full load. See how far you can get. Each section will definitely need one more pass, plus the lead.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 17:59, 7 May 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Shooterwalker:Hello there! Just wanted to know that i'm still on stand by for more comments regarding MC3D. Have a good day :)
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 15:22, 16 May 2024 (UTC)reply
Thanks for all your work on this. Let's do another pass on it, this time with the lead too.
Lead'
"published by Atari Corporation for the Atari Jaguar." -> "published for the Atari Jaguar."
Done --
We can make this simpler for the first sentence. We can also link Atari later when we talk about them in a publishing sense.
"Gameplay is divided into three modes, with the player defending six cities from incoming missiles by launching anti-ballistic missiles from three bases." ->" The game has the player defending six cities from incoming missiles by launching anti-ballistic missiles."
Also cut the part about "The deal between Atari and Virtuality collapsed in 1996, while the Jaguar VR headset was cancelled due to health cocerns but some working prototypes were recovered by collectors. Virtuality sold the unused Jaguar VR technology to Takara and Philips, resulting in the Dynovisor TAK-8510 and Scuba Visor headsets respectively."
Instead, we're going to say "Atari contracted with Virtuality to create a Jaguar VR headset, but production on the hardware was cancelled due to health concerns."
"The player's counter missiles will leave a fireball behind their explosion that will persist for several seconds and destroy enemy missiles caught within range." -> "The player's anti-ballistic missiles also leave a temporary trail of fire, which destroys enemy missiles caught within range."
"The player can earn bonus cities to replace destroyed ones after obtaining pre-determined scores at the end of a level." -> "The player can rebuild destroyed cities by reaching certain high scores at the end of each level."
"The premise takes place in a country attacked by foreign nations and on a distant planet where alien forces invade a human colony." -> is this true for all three modes, or just the virtual mode? If all three, move it to after the next sentence.
"In Virtual mode, the main defense mechanism against enemy missiles and the enemies themselves are lasers, renouncing missiles as a secondary defense mechanism and the player can switch between bases." -> In Virtual mode, players mainly defend the cities using lasers, with missiles becoming a secondary defense mechanism."
" and one after the first includes a boss encounter, and three difficulty levels" -> this part is confusing. Maybe make it into its own sentence and clarify?
"In Original mode, the player can zoom in or out of the screen and change the background border to a television, arcade machine, or an Atari Lynx." -> cut this as excessive detail and out of place.
"At one point during development, Atari wanted to abandon the Virtual mode to dedicate the game solely to 3D mode." -> cut this as trivial. A non-event.
"Brownlow found the Jaguar's hardware difficult to program due to limited GPU memory and a bug in the Blitter processor that caused him issues." -> Brownlow found it difficult to develop for the Jaguar hardware due to its limited GPU memory, as well as a bug in the processor."
"with the "Original" mode providing divisive among journalists." -> "with journalist divided in their opinion of the "Original" mode." (This can be short -- one sentence. It's not bad if it covers some of the same ground as the Legacy section.)
The reception section is basically good. There might be some minor tweaks in the wrap-up.
I'm still not sure about the Legacy section. But it's definitely a better read now, and more on-topic.
Let's leave it there for now and see how it all feels. It will be very close after those updates.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 18:29, 19 May 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Shooterwalker:Done with the second pass! I checked out every inquiry that needed to be addressed. I'll be on stand by for addditional comments.
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 23:31, 19 May 2024 (UTC)reply
Great work. We're within reach of GA with just a few more notes.
Let's resequence the development and release information:
"It is the only game compatible with the Jaguar VR peripheral.
Atari contracted with Virtuality to create a Jaguar VR headset, but production on the hardware was cancelled due to health concerns. Virtuality agreed to develop the game as part of the production, which was ultimately completed by Martin Barlow as lead programmer. A PC port was to be released by Atari Interactive but it was never published." -> "Virtuality agreed to create a Jaguar VR headset for Atari, which included development of Missile Command 3D. The game was ultimately completed by Martin Barlow as lead programmer, but the VR headset was cancelled due to health concerns. It remains the only game compatible with the peripheral."
That should definitely be good enough.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 18:25, 21 May 2024 (UTC)reply
@
Shooterwalker:All set and done. Let me know if there's anything else left to check out and thank you once again for reviewing another Atari Jaguar article :D
Roberth Martinez (
talk) 18:40, 21 May 2024 (UTC)reply
Thank you for your work on this. Happy to call this a GA.
Shooterwalker (
talk) 15:42, 22 May 2024 (UTC)reply