Mishmar HaEmek has been listed as one of the Geography and places good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it. | ||||||||||||||||
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Current status: Good article |
Hello!
The subject written in the article is a Kibbutz in Israel, it is not a person or anything, it gives information about the kibbutz to outsiders. I was asked to write short information about the kibbutz, I just don't know the best way of doing so in Wikipedia.
The Kibbutz took part in the Independence War for Israel in 1948, and I will add it tomorrow.
Please do not delete the subject.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Reviewer: Aircorn ( talk · contribs) 20:55, 30 September 2017 (UTC)
Next to the kibbutz is the manmade Mishmar HaEmek forest, a section of the Ramot Menashe park,[4] listed as a biosphere reserve by UNESCO and was planted by the Jewish National Fund and members of the kibbutz.This sentence is not clear. Is it talking about different things or is the forest in the park? Needs rewording.
...park,[4] listed...to "...park.[4] It is listed...". AIRcorn (talk) 09:21, 3 October 2017 (UTC)
in the first couple of paragraphs of an article, or at the beginning of a section of an article. AIRcorn (talk) 08:52, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
In 1924 the JNF bought some 30,175 dunams of lands...Is lands supposed to be plural?
...which was then declared as the birthday of the kibbutz.Is that the 21st or 19th?
In 1925 the kibbutz, which consisted of 60 men and women, and six children...Long and awkward run on sentence.
...despite concerns of the Jewish Agency about the resettlement in the region.What were these concerns?
...and was constructed by the members of the kibbutz in order to reduce the costs...Another awkward to read sentence. I would consider removing this part unless you think it is important. Otherwise maybe a reword.
In 1936 graduates of Hashomer Hatzair established a gar'in...Whats a gar'in? Also another awkward sentence. I think you should consider splitting some of these up instead of using multiple conjunctions.
dozens of thousands of trees were burntDozens of thousands is an odd way to present a number. Can it be more specific?
On 2 February 1938 a member of the kibbutz...Another long sentence. This one uses who three times.
The Palmach used the trees as cover for their main training camp and its fighters worked in the kibbutz.Not obvious how this fits. Who are the Palmach? What trees? How does this fit in with the preceding sentences.
Main article: Battle of Mishmar HaEmekIs there supposed to be a sub heading here?
Apparently the Iraqis wanted to attack Ramat David Airbase but hit the kibbutz instead.Why apparently? Apparently to whom? Doesn't sound very encyclopaedia, especially in wikipedias voice. Maybe just better to attribute.
Tama is one of the biggest players in the worldwide market for this product ...Run on sentence.
In the factory the employees and executives who are residents of the kibbutz all earn the same amount of money while the non-kibbutz residents who are employed in the factory earn according to their workDon't quite follow the logic here. Are the non-residents on a contract while the others all get the same wage no matter their position?
The location was symbolic, as the location on a hill higher than the rest of the kibbutz was to signify the importance of education.This sentence seems to be saying the same thing twice. Maybe tighten to "Its location on a hill higher than the rest of the kibbutz symbolized the importance of education".
The population of Mishmar HaEmek was recorded in Israeli censusesThis is basically repeating the table.
Seven strata (layers) were found, which date as early as the early Neolithic period and as late as the late Ottoman period.Early as the early and late as the late. Why not just from the early to the late?
A layer of stones that contained finds from the Pottery Neolithic period was exposed in a nearby site.Not sure what this is adding?
In the fifth stratum, whose finds were only found in a limited region in the south of the excavation area, three rows of stones that formed a rectangular space were built upon a floor were exposed.Grammar
According to Micah Linn of Mishmar HaEmekIs there more to Micah apart from than living in the village? Why is his opinion mentioned? Is he an elder or a historian?
jurisdiction of Megiddo Regional Council, but the
one of the few kibbutzim that have not undergone privatizationshould probably get acknowledged better in Economy
That concludes my review of the text. Thanks for your patience. I understand that you are busy so am happy for you to work on the above when you have time. I am flexible with most points, so don't feel you have to blindly accept my critique.
AIRcorn
(talk) 08:46, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
Per
MOS:LEAD, which is part of the
GA criteria (the it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections
portion of "Well-written"), the lead should be two to three paragraphs long given the size of the article, and as noted above, it needs to better summarize the article and not contain any significant information not already in the body of the article.
BlueMoonset (
talk) 16:29, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
Looking really good. Just a few more points.
Its economy was basedHas this changed or should it read "Its economy is based..."
Apart from that I think we are good to go. AIRcorn (talk) 00:06, 27 October 2017 (UTC)
Presently, we have the sentence in the article:
"In 1924 the JNF bought some 30,175 dunams from Arab villages next to Nahalal in the western part of the valley. On this land, Sarid, Ramat David, Gvat, Kfar Baruch and Mishmar HaEmek were established."
I think this gives a wrong impression: as if it was the villagers themselves who sold the land. Afaik, the land was sold by absentee landlords; eg Sarid, Gvat is on land formerly owned by the Lebanese Sursock family. This should be noted, me thinks, Huldra ( talk) 20:14, 18 December 2019 (UTC)
Is there a policy on Israeli places to only give one form of the name? Ha-Emek and Ha'emek aren't wrong or even uncommon and should be mentioned somewhere in the article, no? — LlywelynII 10:59, 3 December 2017 (UTC)
I'm opening this GAR due to issues with close paraphrasing and sourcing. See some examples in the DYK nom. Some of the issues have been fixed, but given the extent I think a GAR is warranted. Nikkimaria ( talk) 14:02, 8 December 2017 (UTC)
Aircorn, I've fixed the copyvio problems as soon as I got my computer back in 22 December 2017. The users who started this GAR have abandoned it one by one. This GAR was posted, I responded by fixing the problem, which was followed by five months of silence and now the GA status was removed... Is there still an issue here that you need to delist the article?-- Bolter21 ( talk to me) 15:56, 13 May 2018 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Reviewer: Ganesha811 ( talk · contribs) 16:29, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
Hi! I'm opening a Good Article Nomination review. Hoping to complete the review over the next couple of days. I'll be using the template below. Thanks!
Ganesha811 (
talk) 16:29, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
Ganesha811, a review was made by the GOCE and I have no mor sources to add right now so we can resume the review. Bolter21-- 141.226.92.178 ( talk) 06:37, 10 February 2020 (UTC)
Rate | Attribute | Review Comment |
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1. Well-written: | ||
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. |
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1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. |
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2. Verifiable with no original research: | ||
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. |
| |
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). | ||
2c. it contains no original research. | ||
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. |
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3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. |
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3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). |
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4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. |
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5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. |
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6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. |
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6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. |
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7. Overall assessment. |
Bolter21, Ganesha811, what is the status of this nomination/review? The last post here was nearly six weeks ago, the last edit to the article was three days after that, which is a long time since with nothing happening. Are there plans to get back to this soon? This was nominated over a year ago, and took nearly ten months to get a review going, so there's naturally going to be more leeway, but it's important to get things moving. (I did check, and it appears that no request has yet been made to the Guild of Copy Editors, but if there's significant additional work to be done with the content, it makes sense to hold off on the copyedit.) Thanks to you both. BlueMoonset ( talk) 04:04, 27 January 2020 (UTC)
Ganesha811 I've continued the work. A quick summary of my work:
Mishmar HaEmek has been listed as one of the Geography and places good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it. | ||||||||||||||||
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Current status: Good article |
This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Hello!
The subject written in the article is a Kibbutz in Israel, it is not a person or anything, it gives information about the kibbutz to outsiders. I was asked to write short information about the kibbutz, I just don't know the best way of doing so in Wikipedia.
The Kibbutz took part in the Independence War for Israel in 1948, and I will add it tomorrow.
Please do not delete the subject.
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Aircorn ( talk · contribs) 20:55, 30 September 2017 (UTC)
Next to the kibbutz is the manmade Mishmar HaEmek forest, a section of the Ramot Menashe park,[4] listed as a biosphere reserve by UNESCO and was planted by the Jewish National Fund and members of the kibbutz.This sentence is not clear. Is it talking about different things or is the forest in the park? Needs rewording.
...park,[4] listed...to "...park.[4] It is listed...". AIRcorn (talk) 09:21, 3 October 2017 (UTC)
in the first couple of paragraphs of an article, or at the beginning of a section of an article. AIRcorn (talk) 08:52, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
In 1924 the JNF bought some 30,175 dunams of lands...Is lands supposed to be plural?
...which was then declared as the birthday of the kibbutz.Is that the 21st or 19th?
In 1925 the kibbutz, which consisted of 60 men and women, and six children...Long and awkward run on sentence.
...despite concerns of the Jewish Agency about the resettlement in the region.What were these concerns?
...and was constructed by the members of the kibbutz in order to reduce the costs...Another awkward to read sentence. I would consider removing this part unless you think it is important. Otherwise maybe a reword.
In 1936 graduates of Hashomer Hatzair established a gar'in...Whats a gar'in? Also another awkward sentence. I think you should consider splitting some of these up instead of using multiple conjunctions.
dozens of thousands of trees were burntDozens of thousands is an odd way to present a number. Can it be more specific?
On 2 February 1938 a member of the kibbutz...Another long sentence. This one uses who three times.
The Palmach used the trees as cover for their main training camp and its fighters worked in the kibbutz.Not obvious how this fits. Who are the Palmach? What trees? How does this fit in with the preceding sentences.
Main article: Battle of Mishmar HaEmekIs there supposed to be a sub heading here?
Apparently the Iraqis wanted to attack Ramat David Airbase but hit the kibbutz instead.Why apparently? Apparently to whom? Doesn't sound very encyclopaedia, especially in wikipedias voice. Maybe just better to attribute.
Tama is one of the biggest players in the worldwide market for this product ...Run on sentence.
In the factory the employees and executives who are residents of the kibbutz all earn the same amount of money while the non-kibbutz residents who are employed in the factory earn according to their workDon't quite follow the logic here. Are the non-residents on a contract while the others all get the same wage no matter their position?
The location was symbolic, as the location on a hill higher than the rest of the kibbutz was to signify the importance of education.This sentence seems to be saying the same thing twice. Maybe tighten to "Its location on a hill higher than the rest of the kibbutz symbolized the importance of education".
The population of Mishmar HaEmek was recorded in Israeli censusesThis is basically repeating the table.
Seven strata (layers) were found, which date as early as the early Neolithic period and as late as the late Ottoman period.Early as the early and late as the late. Why not just from the early to the late?
A layer of stones that contained finds from the Pottery Neolithic period was exposed in a nearby site.Not sure what this is adding?
In the fifth stratum, whose finds were only found in a limited region in the south of the excavation area, three rows of stones that formed a rectangular space were built upon a floor were exposed.Grammar
According to Micah Linn of Mishmar HaEmekIs there more to Micah apart from than living in the village? Why is his opinion mentioned? Is he an elder or a historian?
jurisdiction of Megiddo Regional Council, but the
one of the few kibbutzim that have not undergone privatizationshould probably get acknowledged better in Economy
That concludes my review of the text. Thanks for your patience. I understand that you are busy so am happy for you to work on the above when you have time. I am flexible with most points, so don't feel you have to blindly accept my critique.
AIRcorn
(talk) 08:46, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
Per
MOS:LEAD, which is part of the
GA criteria (the it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections
portion of "Well-written"), the lead should be two to three paragraphs long given the size of the article, and as noted above, it needs to better summarize the article and not contain any significant information not already in the body of the article.
BlueMoonset (
talk) 16:29, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
Looking really good. Just a few more points.
Its economy was basedHas this changed or should it read "Its economy is based..."
Apart from that I think we are good to go. AIRcorn (talk) 00:06, 27 October 2017 (UTC)
Presently, we have the sentence in the article:
"In 1924 the JNF bought some 30,175 dunams from Arab villages next to Nahalal in the western part of the valley. On this land, Sarid, Ramat David, Gvat, Kfar Baruch and Mishmar HaEmek were established."
I think this gives a wrong impression: as if it was the villagers themselves who sold the land. Afaik, the land was sold by absentee landlords; eg Sarid, Gvat is on land formerly owned by the Lebanese Sursock family. This should be noted, me thinks, Huldra ( talk) 20:14, 18 December 2019 (UTC)
Is there a policy on Israeli places to only give one form of the name? Ha-Emek and Ha'emek aren't wrong or even uncommon and should be mentioned somewhere in the article, no? — LlywelynII 10:59, 3 December 2017 (UTC)
I'm opening this GAR due to issues with close paraphrasing and sourcing. See some examples in the DYK nom. Some of the issues have been fixed, but given the extent I think a GAR is warranted. Nikkimaria ( talk) 14:02, 8 December 2017 (UTC)
Aircorn, I've fixed the copyvio problems as soon as I got my computer back in 22 December 2017. The users who started this GAR have abandoned it one by one. This GAR was posted, I responded by fixing the problem, which was followed by five months of silence and now the GA status was removed... Is there still an issue here that you need to delist the article?-- Bolter21 ( talk to me) 15:56, 13 May 2018 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Ganesha811 ( talk · contribs) 16:29, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
Hi! I'm opening a Good Article Nomination review. Hoping to complete the review over the next couple of days. I'll be using the template below. Thanks!
Ganesha811 (
talk) 16:29, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
Ganesha811, a review was made by the GOCE and I have no mor sources to add right now so we can resume the review. Bolter21-- 141.226.92.178 ( talk) 06:37, 10 February 2020 (UTC)
Rate | Attribute | Review Comment |
---|---|---|
1. Well-written: | ||
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. |
| |
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. |
| |
2. Verifiable with no original research: | ||
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. |
| |
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). | ||
2c. it contains no original research. | ||
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. |
| |
3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. |
| |
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). |
| |
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. |
| |
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. |
| |
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. |
| |
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. |
| |
7. Overall assessment. |
Bolter21, Ganesha811, what is the status of this nomination/review? The last post here was nearly six weeks ago, the last edit to the article was three days after that, which is a long time since with nothing happening. Are there plans to get back to this soon? This was nominated over a year ago, and took nearly ten months to get a review going, so there's naturally going to be more leeway, but it's important to get things moving. (I did check, and it appears that no request has yet been made to the Guild of Copy Editors, but if there's significant additional work to be done with the content, it makes sense to hold off on the copyedit.) Thanks to you both. BlueMoonset ( talk) 04:04, 27 January 2020 (UTC)
Ganesha811 I've continued the work. A quick summary of my work: