This one has been waiting forever so I'll give it a review. I also reviewed your
Derrick Walton article years ago. I went ahead and added the Commons category to external links.
Suggest changing "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt" to "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign's Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building that was endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt". Done
"His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, are alumni, with Meyers Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career" change to "His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, Meyers Leonard, are alumni, with Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career". Done
"Leonard having played basketball at Illinois" If we're linking the Illinois football team earlier perhaps we should link "basketball at Illinois". Done
Throughout this section, All-Area and All-State are capitalized several different ways so we need to be consistent. I would use uppercase personally but you can choose what you think is best. Done
"15.0 ppg, 8.7 rpg, 66.4% field-goal percentage, and a total of 94 blocks" Suggest spelling out ppg and rpg. Also, I think there should be an "a" before "66.4%". Done
"and the school's all-time leader with 1,580 points and 886 rebounds" change to "and became the school's all-time leader in points with 1,580 and rebounds with 886". Done
"and Biefeldt's career-high 40-point game fell one short of Gary Bielfeldt's 1954 senior year 41-point performance for Octavia High School" I'm not sure what that has to do with the prior part of the sentence? Maybe you can move this part to the prior paragraph where it mentioned the 40 point game. Done
"Peoria has produced a lot of NCAA Division I talent" It says that source is locked so I'll just assume good faith that Peoria has produced "a lot". Done
"Despite his family's ties to the Illinois Fighting Illini,[47] Bielfeldt had a ceremonial verbal commitment event at his high school library on March 25" Shouldn't this sentence say that he chose Michigan? Done
"contributed four points and two rebounds in his six minutes of playing time" You used numerals in the other parts of the article and this same paragraph so we should be consistent. Done
"Over the course of his senior season at Michigan his role increased" Change to "His role increased over the course of his senior season at Michigan" Done
"In late May, Bielfeldt was worried about Iowa State coach Fred Hoiberg's possible appeal as head coach for the Chicago Bulls" I don't understand what this means? Also, the next sentence may need adjusted if anything changes here. Done
There's no external stat profile linked in the infobox so I would add the Michigan reference to his height and weight and put a note that Sports Reference has something else.
WikiOriginal-9 (
talk)
19:48, 30 October 2023 (UTC)reply
After having waited nearly 7 months for a review, I can say it was worth the wait. Thanks for looking so closely at this. It will take me a while to get through this (hopefully not nearly 7 months though).-
TonyTheTiger (
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WP:WAWARD)
08:20, 22 October 2023 (UTC)reply
The original source "41 - Bielfeldt family scoring record. Gary Bielfeldt, Max's grandfather, scored 41 as a senior at Octavia High in 1954." gives no further information. In 1954, I assume it existed in the state of Illinois, but I am not sure. It must be defunct or have merged.-
TonyTheTiger (
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WP:WAWARD)
19:57, 31 October 2023 (UTC)reply
"Beilein attempted to block Bielfeldt from transferring within the Big Ten, but Indiana won an appeal" I think this should go later in the section because it hasn't said he chose Indiana yet.
WikiOriginal-9 (
talk)
23:26, 30 October 2023 (UTC) Donereply
The
WP:LEAD is suppose to be a summary of content in the main body. So if you can't find a source for it in the main body it should not be in the lead. In this case I am talking about the paragraph starting with "Although the state of Illinois has produced many successful NBA players"-
TonyTheTiger (
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C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD)
23:16, 31 October 2023 (UTC)reply
This one has been waiting forever so I'll give it a review. I also reviewed your
Derrick Walton article years ago. I went ahead and added the Commons category to external links.
Suggest changing "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt" to "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign's Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building that was endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt". Done
"His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, are alumni, with Meyers Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career" change to "His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, Meyers Leonard, are alumni, with Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career". Done
"Leonard having played basketball at Illinois" If we're linking the Illinois football team earlier perhaps we should link "basketball at Illinois". Done
Throughout this section, All-Area and All-State are capitalized several different ways so we need to be consistent. I would use uppercase personally but you can choose what you think is best. Done
"15.0 ppg, 8.7 rpg, 66.4% field-goal percentage, and a total of 94 blocks" Suggest spelling out ppg and rpg. Also, I think there should be an "a" before "66.4%". Done
"and the school's all-time leader with 1,580 points and 886 rebounds" change to "and became the school's all-time leader in points with 1,580 and rebounds with 886". Done
"and Biefeldt's career-high 40-point game fell one short of Gary Bielfeldt's 1954 senior year 41-point performance for Octavia High School" I'm not sure what that has to do with the prior part of the sentence? Maybe you can move this part to the prior paragraph where it mentioned the 40 point game. Done
"Peoria has produced a lot of NCAA Division I talent" It says that source is locked so I'll just assume good faith that Peoria has produced "a lot". Done
"Despite his family's ties to the Illinois Fighting Illini,[47] Bielfeldt had a ceremonial verbal commitment event at his high school library on March 25" Shouldn't this sentence say that he chose Michigan? Done
"contributed four points and two rebounds in his six minutes of playing time" You used numerals in the other parts of the article and this same paragraph so we should be consistent. Done
"Over the course of his senior season at Michigan his role increased" Change to "His role increased over the course of his senior season at Michigan" Done
"In late May, Bielfeldt was worried about Iowa State coach Fred Hoiberg's possible appeal as head coach for the Chicago Bulls" I don't understand what this means? Also, the next sentence may need adjusted if anything changes here. Done
There's no external stat profile linked in the infobox so I would add the Michigan reference to his height and weight and put a note that Sports Reference has something else.
WikiOriginal-9 (
talk)
19:48, 30 October 2023 (UTC)reply
After having waited nearly 7 months for a review, I can say it was worth the wait. Thanks for looking so closely at this. It will take me a while to get through this (hopefully not nearly 7 months though).-
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD)
08:20, 22 October 2023 (UTC)reply
The original source "41 - Bielfeldt family scoring record. Gary Bielfeldt, Max's grandfather, scored 41 as a senior at Octavia High in 1954." gives no further information. In 1954, I assume it existed in the state of Illinois, but I am not sure. It must be defunct or have merged.-
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD)
19:57, 31 October 2023 (UTC)reply
"Beilein attempted to block Bielfeldt from transferring within the Big Ten, but Indiana won an appeal" I think this should go later in the section because it hasn't said he chose Indiana yet.
WikiOriginal-9 (
talk)
23:26, 30 October 2023 (UTC) Donereply
The
WP:LEAD is suppose to be a summary of content in the main body. So if you can't find a source for it in the main body it should not be in the lead. In this case I am talking about the paragraph starting with "Although the state of Illinois has produced many successful NBA players"-
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD)
23:16, 31 October 2023 (UTC)reply