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Reviewer: DrKiernan ( talk) 12:24, 16 July 2010 (UTC)
The article is neutral, stable and well-formatted with a good picture of the subject. However there are some concerns: the arrangement of material in the "Stem cell research" section, the odd unsourced word, and the coverage of his career.
In the first sentence the repetition of "culture...cultivate" seems unnecessary. Other specific points:
Abbreviations are inconsistent: "B.Sc." but "PhD".
The main concern with the prose is the "Stem cell research" section: it's repetitive. The information in the first paragraph is repeated in the next two, presumably because the first paragraph is acting as an introduction, which is fine, but then the information in the final three sentences of the second paragraph appears to be repeated in greater detail in the third paragraph. I think it would be better to re-organise this so that the chronological order is clear and so that the reader isn't reading essentially the same material twice.
There are a few sentences that need clarification:
I think the early life section could be expanded to mention that his family were in Gloucestershire as evacuees, and his education initially suffered because of a succession of childhood illnesses.
In the career section, you may wish to expand a little on the major advances in genetics, just with a sentence or two. I think that mention of his move from the Cambridge Department of Genetics to the institute founded by John Gurdon, of which Evans was a founder member, could be worked in. The people who worked for him, and went onto their own important careers, are currently not mentioned: maybe Robin Lovell-Badge (winner of the Louis-Jeantet Prize for Medicine), David Latchman, and Elizabeth Robertson (winner of the Pearl Meister Greengard Prize) deserve a brief note?
In the personal life section, the names of the children are not given. Why are we told about his sons' studies but not their careers? What happened to his daughter?
The main material that is missing is his work on the cystic fibrosis mouse model, and the breast cancer gene BRCA2. I think these topics should be covered in a fair amount of detail, maybe one paragraph. The other knockouts, particularly the ones that mirror human disease, such as the Crouzon syndrome one, would also be a useful indication of how work in his laboratory directly impacted the genetic understanding of disease. DrKiernan ( talk) 14:41, 16 July 2010 (UTC)
Article (
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visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
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history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: DrKiernan ( talk) 12:24, 16 July 2010 (UTC)
The article is neutral, stable and well-formatted with a good picture of the subject. However there are some concerns: the arrangement of material in the "Stem cell research" section, the odd unsourced word, and the coverage of his career.
In the first sentence the repetition of "culture...cultivate" seems unnecessary. Other specific points:
Abbreviations are inconsistent: "B.Sc." but "PhD".
The main concern with the prose is the "Stem cell research" section: it's repetitive. The information in the first paragraph is repeated in the next two, presumably because the first paragraph is acting as an introduction, which is fine, but then the information in the final three sentences of the second paragraph appears to be repeated in greater detail in the third paragraph. I think it would be better to re-organise this so that the chronological order is clear and so that the reader isn't reading essentially the same material twice.
There are a few sentences that need clarification:
I think the early life section could be expanded to mention that his family were in Gloucestershire as evacuees, and his education initially suffered because of a succession of childhood illnesses.
In the career section, you may wish to expand a little on the major advances in genetics, just with a sentence or two. I think that mention of his move from the Cambridge Department of Genetics to the institute founded by John Gurdon, of which Evans was a founder member, could be worked in. The people who worked for him, and went onto their own important careers, are currently not mentioned: maybe Robin Lovell-Badge (winner of the Louis-Jeantet Prize for Medicine), David Latchman, and Elizabeth Robertson (winner of the Pearl Meister Greengard Prize) deserve a brief note?
In the personal life section, the names of the children are not given. Why are we told about his sons' studies but not their careers? What happened to his daughter?
The main material that is missing is his work on the cystic fibrosis mouse model, and the breast cancer gene BRCA2. I think these topics should be covered in a fair amount of detail, maybe one paragraph. The other knockouts, particularly the ones that mirror human disease, such as the Crouzon syndrome one, would also be a useful indication of how work in his laboratory directly impacted the genetic understanding of disease. DrKiernan ( talk) 14:41, 16 July 2010 (UTC)