There are a few typos ("masters degree" should be "
master's degree", and linked) and missing commas. Her parents' internment is mentioned twice, and the education is split into "Education" and "Personal life". The paragraphs are currently too short to be separated by headings (see
MOS:PARAGRAPHS). Don't refer to her as "Assemblymember Yamada" in the middle of the article (see
WP:CREDENTIAL). The lead doesn't meet
MOS:LEAD: most of the information in the lead doesn't appear in the article, and most of the article isn't summarized in the lead.
The references are incomplete if they only include a URL: there should be a title and source so the page can be located without the URL. Much of the information isn't cited, so this wouldn't be considered
verifiable. If you're citing the official website, for example, then you should include it under "References" instead of "External links".
This isn't researched enough and seems to just summarize her official biography. Look through newspaper archives for more specific information on what she's done. There should be information on her offices, her election, bills she's written, and so on. By the way, we generally don't mention where people's kids went to school; the names are sufficient.
It's a good start, but this article doesn't meet the GA criteria yet. It needs to be expanded quite a bit. Try to find more sources and cite them so it reads more like a biography instead of a quick overview.
Gary Schiff is an example of a minor local politician who has a well-researched Wikipedia article. It doesn't need to be as big or detailed as Schiff's aritcle, but you should look at that article to see how various sources can combine to create a solid biography on a subject like this. —
Designate (
talk)
21:32, 19 February 2014 (UTC)reply
There are a few typos ("masters degree" should be "
master's degree", and linked) and missing commas. Her parents' internment is mentioned twice, and the education is split into "Education" and "Personal life". The paragraphs are currently too short to be separated by headings (see
MOS:PARAGRAPHS). Don't refer to her as "Assemblymember Yamada" in the middle of the article (see
WP:CREDENTIAL). The lead doesn't meet
MOS:LEAD: most of the information in the lead doesn't appear in the article, and most of the article isn't summarized in the lead.
The references are incomplete if they only include a URL: there should be a title and source so the page can be located without the URL. Much of the information isn't cited, so this wouldn't be considered
verifiable. If you're citing the official website, for example, then you should include it under "References" instead of "External links".
This isn't researched enough and seems to just summarize her official biography. Look through newspaper archives for more specific information on what she's done. There should be information on her offices, her election, bills she's written, and so on. By the way, we generally don't mention where people's kids went to school; the names are sufficient.
It's a good start, but this article doesn't meet the GA criteria yet. It needs to be expanded quite a bit. Try to find more sources and cite them so it reads more like a biography instead of a quick overview.
Gary Schiff is an example of a minor local politician who has a well-researched Wikipedia article. It doesn't need to be as big or detailed as Schiff's aritcle, but you should look at that article to see how various sources can combine to create a solid biography on a subject like this. —
Designate (
talk)
21:32, 19 February 2014 (UTC)reply