Hi, I will be reviewing this article for GA. It looks like a very good article. I will list the problems I see below.— Mattisse ( Talk) 22:41, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
Some minor prose issues:
*"She got her first name from Groening's youngest sister." - It would be better to use another word than "got", like She received her first name, or She was named after Groening's youngest sister - or whatever the case is.
*"After appearing on The Tracey Ullman Show for three years, the Simpson family got their own series on the Fox Broadcasting Company which debuted December 17, 1989." - another "got" - how about "received" or even "were given"?
*"Maggie is the least seen and heard of in the Simpsons family." - is the least seen and heard in the Simpson family.
*If she is not heard, why is she voiced? You explain in the article that she says some words, but you need to explain in the lead why actors are providing her voice.
*"The Simpsons has a floating timeline in which the characters do not age, and the show is set in the current year, but certain dates have been given although sometimes these dates are contradicted" - ...the show is set in the current year and although certain dates have been given, they are sometimes contradicted?
*"Shortly afterwards, Marge became pregnant with Maggie and not being able to support his family, Homer reapplied for a job..." - Soon Marge became pregnant with Maggie and, unable to support his family, Homer reapplied for a job...?
*"Maggie has performed a number of feats that may lead one to the conclusion that she is a baby genius. - don't use "one" per MoS, if possible - just Maggie has performed a number of feats that suggest she is a baby genius? - or some other wording.
*"equivalent of a hallmark or calling card would be to trip over her clothing and fall..." hallmark or calling card was to trip - FAC editors do not like "would".
*"flow of action around her" and then "easily influenced by what she sees around her" - vary the wording in sentences so close together.
*"Maggie has appeared in a lot of other media relating to The Simpsons. She has appeared in every one..." - vary the wording rather than repeating "had appeared" - also, "a lot of" is not encyclopedic. You could just say "Maggie has appeared in other media relating to ..."
*References - I don't understand some of the references. Some seem to reference other Wikipedia articles, for example references #3 and #4. Wikipedia cannot serve as a source for another Wikipedia article. The source must meet
WP:RS which Wikipedia does not.
That's it for now. I will put the article on hold for you to address these problems. If I see anything else, I will add it. I like the article very much. — Mattisse ( Talk) 22:41, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
P.S. You seem to be using a mixed reference style. According to MoS, the whatever style of referencing you choose, you should use it consistently. Choose one style and use it for all references. —
Mattisse (
Talk)
22:49, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
:*"Maggie's equivalent of a hallmark or calling card" - not sure what you mean here, literally a calling card?
:*"...a baby character that did not talk and never grew up, but was assigned any emotions that the scene required" - is there a better word than "assigned" - was scripted to show emotions, or some other wording?
— Mattisse ( Talk) 21:00, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
Congratulations. A very well-written and well-presented GA article! — Mattisse ( Talk) 18:24, 1 October 2008 (UTC)
Hi, I will be reviewing this article for GA. It looks like a very good article. I will list the problems I see below.— Mattisse ( Talk) 22:41, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
Some minor prose issues:
*"She got her first name from Groening's youngest sister." - It would be better to use another word than "got", like She received her first name, or She was named after Groening's youngest sister - or whatever the case is.
*"After appearing on The Tracey Ullman Show for three years, the Simpson family got their own series on the Fox Broadcasting Company which debuted December 17, 1989." - another "got" - how about "received" or even "were given"?
*"Maggie is the least seen and heard of in the Simpsons family." - is the least seen and heard in the Simpson family.
*If she is not heard, why is she voiced? You explain in the article that she says some words, but you need to explain in the lead why actors are providing her voice.
*"The Simpsons has a floating timeline in which the characters do not age, and the show is set in the current year, but certain dates have been given although sometimes these dates are contradicted" - ...the show is set in the current year and although certain dates have been given, they are sometimes contradicted?
*"Shortly afterwards, Marge became pregnant with Maggie and not being able to support his family, Homer reapplied for a job..." - Soon Marge became pregnant with Maggie and, unable to support his family, Homer reapplied for a job...?
*"Maggie has performed a number of feats that may lead one to the conclusion that she is a baby genius. - don't use "one" per MoS, if possible - just Maggie has performed a number of feats that suggest she is a baby genius? - or some other wording.
*"equivalent of a hallmark or calling card would be to trip over her clothing and fall..." hallmark or calling card was to trip - FAC editors do not like "would".
*"flow of action around her" and then "easily influenced by what she sees around her" - vary the wording in sentences so close together.
*"Maggie has appeared in a lot of other media relating to The Simpsons. She has appeared in every one..." - vary the wording rather than repeating "had appeared" - also, "a lot of" is not encyclopedic. You could just say "Maggie has appeared in other media relating to ..."
*References - I don't understand some of the references. Some seem to reference other Wikipedia articles, for example references #3 and #4. Wikipedia cannot serve as a source for another Wikipedia article. The source must meet
WP:RS which Wikipedia does not.
That's it for now. I will put the article on hold for you to address these problems. If I see anything else, I will add it. I like the article very much. — Mattisse ( Talk) 22:41, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
P.S. You seem to be using a mixed reference style. According to MoS, the whatever style of referencing you choose, you should use it consistently. Choose one style and use it for all references. —
Mattisse (
Talk)
22:49, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
:*"Maggie's equivalent of a hallmark or calling card" - not sure what you mean here, literally a calling card?
:*"...a baby character that did not talk and never grew up, but was assigned any emotions that the scene required" - is there a better word than "assigned" - was scripted to show emotions, or some other wording?
— Mattisse ( Talk) 21:00, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
Congratulations. A very well-written and well-presented GA article! — Mattisse ( Talk) 18:24, 1 October 2008 (UTC)