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Reviewer: Kingsif ( talk · contribs) 19:17, 12 May 2020 (UTC)
Hi, I'm Kingsif, and I'll be doing this review. This is an automated message that helps keep the bot updating the nominated article's talkpage working and allows me to say hi. Feel free to reach out and, if you think the review has gone well, I have some open GA nominations that you could (but are under no obligation to) look at. Kingsif ( talk) 19:17, 12 May 2020 (UTC)
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a Spanish filmmaker, naturalised Mexican in 1949be simplified to "Spanish-Mexican filmmaker"? With further explanation (including citation) in the body of the article
His work spans two continents, three languages, and an array of genresis a kind of description that intends to inflate the person - but it's not all that impressive so it also reads strange (as well as treading the POV line). It's already been mentioned that he worked in France, Spain, and Mexico, perhaps there's a more descriptive way to write this introduction - "Having worked in Europe and North America, and in French and Spanish, Buñuel's films also spanned various genres" or something like it?
to shock and insult the intellectual bourgeoisieand
a huge success amongst the French bourgeoisieare not used as quotations but have been directly copied. Non-quoted language paraphrased.
hairdresser had to bind her breastsis not quoted but is word-for-word from the source
Las Hurdes was banned by three successive Republican governments, which is not quoted, was taken from Senses of Cinema, can it be paraphrased?
Buñuel was born in Calanda, a small town in the province of Teruel, in the Aragon region of Spain, to Leonardo Buñuel, the cultivated scion of an established Aragonese family, and María Portolés, many years younger than her husband, with wealth and family connections of her own., which presents a few issues:
the cultivated scion of an established Aragonese familymore accessible. "cultivated" normally refers to plants, "scion" is antiquated, and "established Aragonese family" may not mean much to an unfamiliar reader - who were they?
high school educationin 1910s Spain could be misleading. Remember that saying "high school" to the US and Canadians typically means age 14-18, to Brits means 11-16, and to the Irish and Aussies even different ranges. Given that descriptions of Buñuel
as a childand
at the age of 16come after the high school mention, an age or year for leaving the Jesuit school would be helpful.
When Buñuel somewhat derisively refusedand think there may be some overuse of "somewhat". It's a nice word, but can be seen as adding nothing. Think about removing some of them?
derisively refused to acquiesce to Epstein's demandin general may be a little too flowery for purpose
"photogenia" (founded on the insert shot)mean that they discussed insert shots or something else?
After this apprenticeship, but it's been a while since the Epstein apprenticeship has been discussed. A better introduction is needed.
to appear, gratis, in the film- while the random Spanish fits, it probably shouldn't be used. It could easily just be removed.
To make matters worse, Charles de Noailles was forced to withdraw his membership from the Jockey Club.did this make matters worse? Worse than threats of excommunication? And is de Noailles being in the Jockey Club (or not) relevant to Buñuel?
a time of political and social turbulence, a period of intense and bloody upheaval- it was either turbulent or upheaval. The two clauses don't sit well together, and are contradictory in tone. I suggest pick one or otherwise condense.
to set afire or otherwise wreck- 'set afire' is also relatively outdated, but I think this could easily just read "to destroy"
in a score of other cities- 'a score' is antiquated. Just say 'many'.
(PCE) in 1931
The following yearalso doesn't seem to work.
"charro" filmsneeds its link changed to Charro#In cinema.
genre movies, called "churros"in the next paragraph supposed to be charros?
a vogue for films about- I'm also glad for the random French, but 'popular taste' should suffice
their latest collaboration- use of 'latest' is recentism. And at this point, it was either their last or it wasn't.
for the film, called Los olvidados- maybe stick an 'eventually' in here?
director: "visualizeddoesn't need the colon
resisted the production in a variety of ways:should be using semi-colons to separate items
critic Ed Gonzalez as, "salacious enough to make Elia Kazan's Baby Doll and- don't need the comma after 'as', do need to make Baby Doll italic
that, "a- remove comma
In the words of film historian Peter Harcourt: "if The Young One must still be considered a 'bad' film by conventional standards, then it is one of the most subtle, most challenging and most distinguished bad films ever made."- this biography is not a laudit of Buñuel (nor a review dump). Sentences like this are outside of specifications, and should either be relevantly connected or left out.
dutifully submitted- love the sarcasm, but 'dutifully' is a bit fluffy here
was cashiered from his government post- perhaps 'fired'?
Carrière was the scion- two instances of 'scion' is stranger than one, if it was the nominator who added it, I'd be genuinely interested to hear why
second attempt to film Mirbeau's novelsuggests that one or the other was left unfinished, but both were completed, i.e. both were filmed, not attempted. A change here for clarity would be good.
Buñuel had wanted to make a film of Benito Pérez Galdós' novel Tristana as early as 1952, even though he considered Galdós' book the author's weakest, in Buñuel's words: "of the 'I love you, my little pigeon' genre, very kitsch".doesn't fit - semantically or grammatically. The colon doesn't help. Is is meant to say that Buñuel 'considered it the worst book of the I love you genre' or something else? In any case, it needs rephrasing.
of, "2500- remove comma
The Phantom of Liberty(1974)
by diabetes complications
I think I have addressed the various issues you've identified. Please let me know if you have further concerns. Thanks for taking the time and effort to do such a thorough job on this review. -- Jburlinson ( talk) 07:52, 11 June 2020 (UTC)
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Reviewer: Kingsif ( talk · contribs) 19:17, 12 May 2020 (UTC)
Hi, I'm Kingsif, and I'll be doing this review. This is an automated message that helps keep the bot updating the nominated article's talkpage working and allows me to say hi. Feel free to reach out and, if you think the review has gone well, I have some open GA nominations that you could (but are under no obligation to) look at. Kingsif ( talk) 19:17, 12 May 2020 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
|
a Spanish filmmaker, naturalised Mexican in 1949be simplified to "Spanish-Mexican filmmaker"? With further explanation (including citation) in the body of the article
His work spans two continents, three languages, and an array of genresis a kind of description that intends to inflate the person - but it's not all that impressive so it also reads strange (as well as treading the POV line). It's already been mentioned that he worked in France, Spain, and Mexico, perhaps there's a more descriptive way to write this introduction - "Having worked in Europe and North America, and in French and Spanish, Buñuel's films also spanned various genres" or something like it?
to shock and insult the intellectual bourgeoisieand
a huge success amongst the French bourgeoisieare not used as quotations but have been directly copied. Non-quoted language paraphrased.
hairdresser had to bind her breastsis not quoted but is word-for-word from the source
Las Hurdes was banned by three successive Republican governments, which is not quoted, was taken from Senses of Cinema, can it be paraphrased?
Buñuel was born in Calanda, a small town in the province of Teruel, in the Aragon region of Spain, to Leonardo Buñuel, the cultivated scion of an established Aragonese family, and María Portolés, many years younger than her husband, with wealth and family connections of her own., which presents a few issues:
the cultivated scion of an established Aragonese familymore accessible. "cultivated" normally refers to plants, "scion" is antiquated, and "established Aragonese family" may not mean much to an unfamiliar reader - who were they?
high school educationin 1910s Spain could be misleading. Remember that saying "high school" to the US and Canadians typically means age 14-18, to Brits means 11-16, and to the Irish and Aussies even different ranges. Given that descriptions of Buñuel
as a childand
at the age of 16come after the high school mention, an age or year for leaving the Jesuit school would be helpful.
When Buñuel somewhat derisively refusedand think there may be some overuse of "somewhat". It's a nice word, but can be seen as adding nothing. Think about removing some of them?
derisively refused to acquiesce to Epstein's demandin general may be a little too flowery for purpose
"photogenia" (founded on the insert shot)mean that they discussed insert shots or something else?
After this apprenticeship, but it's been a while since the Epstein apprenticeship has been discussed. A better introduction is needed.
to appear, gratis, in the film- while the random Spanish fits, it probably shouldn't be used. It could easily just be removed.
To make matters worse, Charles de Noailles was forced to withdraw his membership from the Jockey Club.did this make matters worse? Worse than threats of excommunication? And is de Noailles being in the Jockey Club (or not) relevant to Buñuel?
a time of political and social turbulence, a period of intense and bloody upheaval- it was either turbulent or upheaval. The two clauses don't sit well together, and are contradictory in tone. I suggest pick one or otherwise condense.
to set afire or otherwise wreck- 'set afire' is also relatively outdated, but I think this could easily just read "to destroy"
in a score of other cities- 'a score' is antiquated. Just say 'many'.
(PCE) in 1931
The following yearalso doesn't seem to work.
"charro" filmsneeds its link changed to Charro#In cinema.
genre movies, called "churros"in the next paragraph supposed to be charros?
a vogue for films about- I'm also glad for the random French, but 'popular taste' should suffice
their latest collaboration- use of 'latest' is recentism. And at this point, it was either their last or it wasn't.
for the film, called Los olvidados- maybe stick an 'eventually' in here?
director: "visualizeddoesn't need the colon
resisted the production in a variety of ways:should be using semi-colons to separate items
critic Ed Gonzalez as, "salacious enough to make Elia Kazan's Baby Doll and- don't need the comma after 'as', do need to make Baby Doll italic
that, "a- remove comma
In the words of film historian Peter Harcourt: "if The Young One must still be considered a 'bad' film by conventional standards, then it is one of the most subtle, most challenging and most distinguished bad films ever made."- this biography is not a laudit of Buñuel (nor a review dump). Sentences like this are outside of specifications, and should either be relevantly connected or left out.
dutifully submitted- love the sarcasm, but 'dutifully' is a bit fluffy here
was cashiered from his government post- perhaps 'fired'?
Carrière was the scion- two instances of 'scion' is stranger than one, if it was the nominator who added it, I'd be genuinely interested to hear why
second attempt to film Mirbeau's novelsuggests that one or the other was left unfinished, but both were completed, i.e. both were filmed, not attempted. A change here for clarity would be good.
Buñuel had wanted to make a film of Benito Pérez Galdós' novel Tristana as early as 1952, even though he considered Galdós' book the author's weakest, in Buñuel's words: "of the 'I love you, my little pigeon' genre, very kitsch".doesn't fit - semantically or grammatically. The colon doesn't help. Is is meant to say that Buñuel 'considered it the worst book of the I love you genre' or something else? In any case, it needs rephrasing.
of, "2500- remove comma
The Phantom of Liberty(1974)
by diabetes complications
I think I have addressed the various issues you've identified. Please let me know if you have further concerns. Thanks for taking the time and effort to do such a thorough job on this review. -- Jburlinson ( talk) 07:52, 11 June 2020 (UTC)