The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I am beginning this review now. Just so you know, I know very little about Buddhism. That is a bit of a disadvantage in the sense that it's harder for me to notice anything that might be inaccurate. However, it also helps me to notice things in the article which are not clearly explained better than an expert on Buddhism might be able to.
Early life
* No periods in image captions are required unless they follow complete sentences.
Fixed.
* The article says "from an early age" in back to back sentences. That's a bit superfluous.
Removed.
* "When his uncle moved to Wat Hua Bho, his uncle took him with him to teach." This sounds like his uncle took Sodh with him so that Sodh could teach. That doesn't seem right. Also, you shouldn't say "his uncle" twice in the same sentence.
Fixed.
* "he desired to ordain as a monk."-Be ordained?
That is a very knowledgeable comment for someone claiming to know little about religious matters! Fixed.
I'm a practicing Catholic. We use the same terminology to describe someone becoming a deacon, priest, or bishop. I just don't know much about Buddhism.
Display name 99 (
talk)
18:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)reply
How exactly did he save money for the family to live without him?
I still don't think this answers the question. I know that he saved money so that his family could survive after he became a monk. Did he save money from his business by spending less than usual or by some other means?
I have to check this with the sources.
The secondary sources do not mention this, but the biography from Wat Phra Dhammakaya says he "set to work with a fervour". It also states how he calculated the rise of inflation. He did this in a period of four years. I have cited the biography with inline attribution.
When mentioning someone for the first time in an article, in this case Newell, use the person's full name.
Done.
"eleventh year of his ordination"-Which was?
Fixed.
"a full moon day in 1916"-What was the date?
I don't think this has been passed down. But i will check.
The exact date has not been mentioned in any sources, as people still kept track of time through the
lunar calendar in early modern Thailand. I could track the date down through historical calendars, but this might take quite a while, and it is perhaps better to describe the historical dates as they were understood and categorized by the people of those days. Similarly, I noticed the text says October, but this should actually be the tenth lunar month. I have fixed this now.[1]
There's not a lot on what "attainment of the Dhammakaya" actually means.
This is quite a subject on its own, with a lot of detail that is difficult to summarize. I have added a see also item to the section. Will this suffice?
I suggest breaking this up into two smaller paragraphs.
Done.
"The event of the attainment of the Dhammakaya is usually described by the Dhammakaya movement in miraculous and cosmic terms."-Way too vague.
Added detail.
Life as an abbot
Where exactly did he teach? Could some of these place names have links?
Added detail and wikilinks.
The article refers to its subject interchangeable as "Luang Pu Sodh" or "Luang Pu Sodh." You need to be consistent. Pick one.
Not sure what you mean. When he was still a child, I have referred to him as "Sodh", after his ordination I have referred to him as "Phra Candasaro", and after he became abbot I have referred to him as "Luang Pu Sodh". I admit that this can be confusing, but in the context of Thai culture and history, a person of ten changes names often throughout his life, and positions are often part of a person's name. See also
Wikipedia_talk:WikiProject_Buddhism/Archive_1#Monastic_naming_conventions
"The last three royal titles were given late, due to the fact that the temple was not under royal patronage."-Huh? Why was the date that they were given considered late? How does royal patronage work? Why would he be prevented from receiving the titles if the temple wasn't under it?
I have added some more explanation. The sources i have used take this as a fact and do not expand on it.
Teaching meditation
Once again, this paragraph should be broken up.
Done.
What's the difference between "teaching meditation" and "teaching Buddhism?"
Rephrased.
"the claims which he made about Dhammakaya"-Like what?
Rephrased.
There seems to be some sort of supernatural power that the Dhammakaya Buddhist associated with their meditation. Could you go into a bit more detail about how they thought that worked?
There are Harvard errors all over the place. If you use Harvard references in the article body, you have make sure that the main sources being cited below are also cited using the Harvard format. This can be done by adding ref=harv to the citations.
Display name 99 (
talk)
16:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Hello
Display name 99, I noticed you changed the statement on cosmic terms from "such as" to "often including" heavy rains. I am a bit confused about this change, it seems to change the meaning. "Such as" implies the heavy rains is an example, which i feel was the sentences intent. "Often including" seems to imply this was the only cosmic or miraculous thing about attaining Dhammakaya, which I dont think was the sentences intent. Can you explain the change please?
Wikiman5676 (
talk)
03:43, 5 June 2017 (UTC)reply
I thought that it sounded clearer, and did not intend to change the meaning. It seems as though I did, accidentally, and have self-reverted. I apologize for the confusion. Thank you for telling me about this.
Display name 99 (
talk)
04:15, 5 June 2017 (UTC)reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I am beginning this review now. Just so you know, I know very little about Buddhism. That is a bit of a disadvantage in the sense that it's harder for me to notice anything that might be inaccurate. However, it also helps me to notice things in the article which are not clearly explained better than an expert on Buddhism might be able to.
Early life
* No periods in image captions are required unless they follow complete sentences.
Fixed.
* The article says "from an early age" in back to back sentences. That's a bit superfluous.
Removed.
* "When his uncle moved to Wat Hua Bho, his uncle took him with him to teach." This sounds like his uncle took Sodh with him so that Sodh could teach. That doesn't seem right. Also, you shouldn't say "his uncle" twice in the same sentence.
Fixed.
* "he desired to ordain as a monk."-Be ordained?
That is a very knowledgeable comment for someone claiming to know little about religious matters! Fixed.
I'm a practicing Catholic. We use the same terminology to describe someone becoming a deacon, priest, or bishop. I just don't know much about Buddhism.
Display name 99 (
talk)
18:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)reply
How exactly did he save money for the family to live without him?
I still don't think this answers the question. I know that he saved money so that his family could survive after he became a monk. Did he save money from his business by spending less than usual or by some other means?
I have to check this with the sources.
The secondary sources do not mention this, but the biography from Wat Phra Dhammakaya says he "set to work with a fervour". It also states how he calculated the rise of inflation. He did this in a period of four years. I have cited the biography with inline attribution.
When mentioning someone for the first time in an article, in this case Newell, use the person's full name.
Done.
"eleventh year of his ordination"-Which was?
Fixed.
"a full moon day in 1916"-What was the date?
I don't think this has been passed down. But i will check.
The exact date has not been mentioned in any sources, as people still kept track of time through the
lunar calendar in early modern Thailand. I could track the date down through historical calendars, but this might take quite a while, and it is perhaps better to describe the historical dates as they were understood and categorized by the people of those days. Similarly, I noticed the text says October, but this should actually be the tenth lunar month. I have fixed this now.[1]
There's not a lot on what "attainment of the Dhammakaya" actually means.
This is quite a subject on its own, with a lot of detail that is difficult to summarize. I have added a see also item to the section. Will this suffice?
I suggest breaking this up into two smaller paragraphs.
Done.
"The event of the attainment of the Dhammakaya is usually described by the Dhammakaya movement in miraculous and cosmic terms."-Way too vague.
Added detail.
Life as an abbot
Where exactly did he teach? Could some of these place names have links?
Added detail and wikilinks.
The article refers to its subject interchangeable as "Luang Pu Sodh" or "Luang Pu Sodh." You need to be consistent. Pick one.
Not sure what you mean. When he was still a child, I have referred to him as "Sodh", after his ordination I have referred to him as "Phra Candasaro", and after he became abbot I have referred to him as "Luang Pu Sodh". I admit that this can be confusing, but in the context of Thai culture and history, a person of ten changes names often throughout his life, and positions are often part of a person's name. See also
Wikipedia_talk:WikiProject_Buddhism/Archive_1#Monastic_naming_conventions
"The last three royal titles were given late, due to the fact that the temple was not under royal patronage."-Huh? Why was the date that they were given considered late? How does royal patronage work? Why would he be prevented from receiving the titles if the temple wasn't under it?
I have added some more explanation. The sources i have used take this as a fact and do not expand on it.
Teaching meditation
Once again, this paragraph should be broken up.
Done.
What's the difference between "teaching meditation" and "teaching Buddhism?"
Rephrased.
"the claims which he made about Dhammakaya"-Like what?
Rephrased.
There seems to be some sort of supernatural power that the Dhammakaya Buddhist associated with their meditation. Could you go into a bit more detail about how they thought that worked?
There are Harvard errors all over the place. If you use Harvard references in the article body, you have make sure that the main sources being cited below are also cited using the Harvard format. This can be done by adding ref=harv to the citations.
Display name 99 (
talk)
16:43, 3 June 2017 (UTC)reply
Hello
Display name 99, I noticed you changed the statement on cosmic terms from "such as" to "often including" heavy rains. I am a bit confused about this change, it seems to change the meaning. "Such as" implies the heavy rains is an example, which i feel was the sentences intent. "Often including" seems to imply this was the only cosmic or miraculous thing about attaining Dhammakaya, which I dont think was the sentences intent. Can you explain the change please?
Wikiman5676 (
talk)
03:43, 5 June 2017 (UTC)reply
I thought that it sounded clearer, and did not intend to change the meaning. It seems as though I did, accidentally, and have self-reverted. I apologize for the confusion. Thank you for telling me about this.
Display name 99 (
talk)
04:15, 5 June 2017 (UTC)reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.