![]() | Leonard Thornton has been listed as one of the
Warfare good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: August 28, 2016. ( Reviewed version). |
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Reviewer: Krishna Chaitanya Velaga ( talk · contribs) 14:40, 25 August 2016 (UTC)
A well constructed article. Will get back with necessary suggestions within two or three days. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga ( talk • mail) 14:40, 25 August 2016 (UTC)
An excellent student, he was also a natural sportsman, participating in squash, hockey and boxing. He graduated from Duntroon first in his class and was awarded the King's Medal for academic excellence.can be reworded in a better way as,
Apart from being a good student, he was also a good sportsman. He participated in squash, hockey and boxing. While he graduated from Duntroon, he was awarded the King's Medal for academic excellence for standing first in his class.. I suggest this because the words "excellent" and "natural" may not be neutral. It is something like praising the subject. And for the word "natural", when used as "natural sportsman", we never know whether it is his natural ability or he learnt the sport and mastered it. So this must necessarily be changed. Please reword it and you may tweak it further if possible. Apart from this, in the same sentence, you have mentioned nothing about his horsing skills, which has been mentioned in the book source you have provided (Reid 2003 p.210.), that he was an excellent horsemen. Please consider adding this.
the main 2NEF base in the Middle East, on 11 February.must be
the main 2NZEF base in the Middle East, on 11 February.. Because you have used 2NZEF for Second New Zealand Expeditionary Force, but never mentioned about 2NEF, and the para is saying about the same. In same para, I think
Here he took command of 43 Anti-Aircraft Battery but in February 1942, as the 2nd New Zealand Division was re-organ ......must be
Here he took command of 43 Anti-Aircraft Battery. But in February 1942, as the 2nd New Zealand Division was re-organ ......, because "he took command of 43 Anti-Aircraft Battery but in February 1942, as the 2n...." is very confusing with the use of comma(,).
......rtillery in September 1942 as second-in-command of 4th Field Regiment,ref but the following month he was posted to the staff of th..... In the last sentence, instead of the word "fighting" the word "conflict" may be used.
In 1948 he commenced a two-year term as Deputy Chief of Staff and during this time helped introduce the compulsory military training scheme which commenced in May 1950.I feel some confusion in the sentence. What does "during this time helped introduce the compulsory military training scheme" mean? Please correct it.
Thornton was appointed as the New Zealand's ambassador to the Republic of Vietnam in 1972 and during this time, he also represented the country's affairs in Cambodia.
At one stage, he was criticised by then Prime Minister of New Zealand, David Lange, for his views.
Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga ( talk • mail) 10:35, 28 August 2016 (UTC)
Kia ora Zawed, hope you are well. There's nothing on Thornton's family. If you don't mind, I'll add some details; he's descended from the Caverhill / Isitt family. Just spotted it in some family tree and I'll now need to find some decent sources. Paora, there's a family tree coming your way in a wee while. Six blue links and one red link should be enough, eh? Schwede 66 02:23, 22 March 2022 (UTC)
![]() | Leonard Thornton has been listed as one of the
Warfare good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: August 28, 2016. ( Reviewed version). |
![]() | This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Krishna Chaitanya Velaga ( talk · contribs) 14:40, 25 August 2016 (UTC)
A well constructed article. Will get back with necessary suggestions within two or three days. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga ( talk • mail) 14:40, 25 August 2016 (UTC)
An excellent student, he was also a natural sportsman, participating in squash, hockey and boxing. He graduated from Duntroon first in his class and was awarded the King's Medal for academic excellence.can be reworded in a better way as,
Apart from being a good student, he was also a good sportsman. He participated in squash, hockey and boxing. While he graduated from Duntroon, he was awarded the King's Medal for academic excellence for standing first in his class.. I suggest this because the words "excellent" and "natural" may not be neutral. It is something like praising the subject. And for the word "natural", when used as "natural sportsman", we never know whether it is his natural ability or he learnt the sport and mastered it. So this must necessarily be changed. Please reword it and you may tweak it further if possible. Apart from this, in the same sentence, you have mentioned nothing about his horsing skills, which has been mentioned in the book source you have provided (Reid 2003 p.210.), that he was an excellent horsemen. Please consider adding this.
the main 2NEF base in the Middle East, on 11 February.must be
the main 2NZEF base in the Middle East, on 11 February.. Because you have used 2NZEF for Second New Zealand Expeditionary Force, but never mentioned about 2NEF, and the para is saying about the same. In same para, I think
Here he took command of 43 Anti-Aircraft Battery but in February 1942, as the 2nd New Zealand Division was re-organ ......must be
Here he took command of 43 Anti-Aircraft Battery. But in February 1942, as the 2nd New Zealand Division was re-organ ......, because "he took command of 43 Anti-Aircraft Battery but in February 1942, as the 2n...." is very confusing with the use of comma(,).
......rtillery in September 1942 as second-in-command of 4th Field Regiment,ref but the following month he was posted to the staff of th..... In the last sentence, instead of the word "fighting" the word "conflict" may be used.
In 1948 he commenced a two-year term as Deputy Chief of Staff and during this time helped introduce the compulsory military training scheme which commenced in May 1950.I feel some confusion in the sentence. What does "during this time helped introduce the compulsory military training scheme" mean? Please correct it.
Thornton was appointed as the New Zealand's ambassador to the Republic of Vietnam in 1972 and during this time, he also represented the country's affairs in Cambodia.
At one stage, he was criticised by then Prime Minister of New Zealand, David Lange, for his views.
Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga ( talk • mail) 10:35, 28 August 2016 (UTC)
Kia ora Zawed, hope you are well. There's nothing on Thornton's family. If you don't mind, I'll add some details; he's descended from the Caverhill / Isitt family. Just spotted it in some family tree and I'll now need to find some decent sources. Paora, there's a family tree coming your way in a wee while. Six blue links and one red link should be enough, eh? Schwede 66 02:23, 22 March 2022 (UTC)