The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: The Rambling Man ( talk · contribs) 07:06, 26 September 2019 (UTC)
Comments
- "Jesuit" is overlinked in the first para of the lead.
- Mildly repetitive in the lead, the first para deals in general with the institutions he was involved with, second para then revisits those all, repeats some of the facts and expands a little more. Perhaps merge those details so they're only stated once?
- I think I've removed the redundancy in the lede. Ergo Sum 19:50, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- " Gorman[1] was" put that awkwardly placed ref at the end of the sentence.
- "on September 28, 1898 in New York City, " comma after 1898.
- "an honorary Legum Doctor degree" by whom?
- The source doesn't say. I wasn't able to locate that. Ergo Sum 19:53, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "as President of Georgetown University " cf. lead usage which uses a small p for prez.
- Standardized. Ergo Sum 19:53, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "was principally shaped by World War II.[8] Due to the fact that " the first is a little odd on its own for me, so perhaps merge these sentences?
- Combined. Ergo Sum 19:54, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "on March 24, 194,[11] P" back a long way...!
- Only off by a matter of 1800 years. Fixed. Ergo Sum 19:56, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "signed a law[12] granting " again, I think our readers could wait a few words before finding that citation...
- Potentially need to link "commencement ceremony" as I'm not familiar with that term and I think it's slightly counter-intuitive for some of us (if, as I suspect, it's graduation, which isn't commencing, it's finishing, although it's commencing the next chapter I suppose...)
- "awarded President Harry S. Truman with an" maybe Engvar, but I'd either drop the "with" or swap "awarded" for "presented"?
- Rephrased. Ergo Sum 19:58, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- You've used World War II and Second World War, (and linked both), pick one and stick with it.
- Standardized. Ergo Sum 19:59, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "Following the end of World War II, the number of students at Georgetown doubled" just like that? One assumes this happened over a period of time, or was it the very next class in, what, 1946, was twice that of the 1945 class?
- The source doesn't give a timeframe, except to indicate that the increase was very quick, which was generally true for universities across the United States after the end of the war, in the wake of the GI Bill. Ergo Sum 20:00, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "on December 28, 1953 at the" comma after 1953.
- Ref 20 should use pp. for page range.
- Strohaver and Grattan are only mentioned in the suc-box, any scope for their inclusion in the article?
- Added his predecessor and successor to the main text. Ergo Sum 20:07, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
That's all I have, as usual a good read and already very much a good article. I'll put it on hold while we address these. The Rambling Man ( Staying alive since 2005!) 19:21, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- @ The Rambling Man: As always, thank you for the thorough review. Ergo Sum 20:08, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- Looks good, so I'm happy to promote, well done. The Rambling Man ( Staying alive since 2005!) 20:17, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: The Rambling Man ( talk · contribs) 07:06, 26 September 2019 (UTC)
Comments
- "Jesuit" is overlinked in the first para of the lead.
- Mildly repetitive in the lead, the first para deals in general with the institutions he was involved with, second para then revisits those all, repeats some of the facts and expands a little more. Perhaps merge those details so they're only stated once?
- I think I've removed the redundancy in the lede. Ergo Sum 19:50, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- " Gorman[1] was" put that awkwardly placed ref at the end of the sentence.
- "on September 28, 1898 in New York City, " comma after 1898.
- "an honorary Legum Doctor degree" by whom?
- The source doesn't say. I wasn't able to locate that. Ergo Sum 19:53, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "as President of Georgetown University " cf. lead usage which uses a small p for prez.
- Standardized. Ergo Sum 19:53, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "was principally shaped by World War II.[8] Due to the fact that " the first is a little odd on its own for me, so perhaps merge these sentences?
- Combined. Ergo Sum 19:54, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "on March 24, 194,[11] P" back a long way...!
- Only off by a matter of 1800 years. Fixed. Ergo Sum 19:56, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "signed a law[12] granting " again, I think our readers could wait a few words before finding that citation...
- Potentially need to link "commencement ceremony" as I'm not familiar with that term and I think it's slightly counter-intuitive for some of us (if, as I suspect, it's graduation, which isn't commencing, it's finishing, although it's commencing the next chapter I suppose...)
- "awarded President Harry S. Truman with an" maybe Engvar, but I'd either drop the "with" or swap "awarded" for "presented"?
- Rephrased. Ergo Sum 19:58, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- You've used World War II and Second World War, (and linked both), pick one and stick with it.
- Standardized. Ergo Sum 19:59, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "Following the end of World War II, the number of students at Georgetown doubled" just like that? One assumes this happened over a period of time, or was it the very next class in, what, 1946, was twice that of the 1945 class?
- The source doesn't give a timeframe, except to indicate that the increase was very quick, which was generally true for universities across the United States after the end of the war, in the wake of the GI Bill. Ergo Sum 20:00, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- "on December 28, 1953 at the" comma after 1953.
- Ref 20 should use pp. for page range.
- Strohaver and Grattan are only mentioned in the suc-box, any scope for their inclusion in the article?
- Added his predecessor and successor to the main text. Ergo Sum 20:07, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
That's all I have, as usual a good read and already very much a good article. I'll put it on hold while we address these. The Rambling Man ( Staying alive since 2005!) 19:21, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- @ The Rambling Man: As always, thank you for the thorough review. Ergo Sum 20:08, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
- Looks good, so I'm happy to promote, well done. The Rambling Man ( Staying alive since 2005!) 20:17, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.