The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak ( talk · contribs) 05:49, 25 November 2016 (UTC)
Review arriving soon... Cartoon network freak ( talk) 05:49, 25 November 2016 (UTC)
Lead
- Nivea, from her → Nivea for her
- The song was released → you've already used "song" before
- third single from the album → you've already used "album" before
- Through which label was the song released?
- wrote and produced the song → you can maybe use "track" here?
- with lyrics that revolve → and lyrically revolves
- Link "critical response" to music journalism
- The choice of Kelly as Nivea's duet partner did received → However, the choice of Kelly as Nivea's duet partner received
- that Kelly had sexual relations → you can use "he" here
- In the United States, it peaked at at number 20 → you jump here from one complete different topic to another. Please introduce this, like "Commercially, the recording peaked in the United States at number 20
- and number 58 → and at number 58
- I think you should mention the Hot 100 first
- mention that Hot R&B Songs is a component chart of Billboard
- of number thirty-three → of number 33
- In the music video → In the accompanying music video
- one of the worst music videos → use "visuals" instead of "music videos" here
- allegations of Kelly having sexual relations with underage girls. → Kelly's allegations. (you described which allegation these are in the second para already)
- July 29, 2013 → we don't need an exact date for such an event in the lead; reword to "In July 2013"
- campaign. Knowles received → campaign, eventually, receiving
Infobox
- Zomba Records → never use "records" in infoboxes
- Instead of writing R. Kelly two times, only list his last name (Kelly) the second time
Background and release
- Unlink Kelly here
- and Nivea served as executive producers for the single → You used both "served" and "single" before; alternate
- Following the commercial success of "Don't Mess with My Man",[4] it was released → Subsequently, following the single's commercial success, it was distributed
- Partially done. I believe that "Don't Mess with My Man" needs to be stated again as "the single" can be read to refer to either "Laundromat" or "Don't Mess with My Man".
- from American singer Nivea's self-titled debut album → from Nivea's eponymous debut studio album; unlink "Nivea" here
- It was sent to was sent to → It was additionally sent to
- playlists, even while "Don't Mess With My Man" was still receiving heavy airplay. → playlists alongside "Don't Mess With My Man"
- The CD single → A CD single (we don't know about the CD until now)
Composition and lyrical interpretation
- a R&B → an R&B (reads a'rendbe)
- twenty-three seconds → 23 seconds
- who appears as an uncredited feature → whose vocal delivery is uncredited
- The song is composed → you've already used "song" before
- Its instrumentation → The track's instrumentation
- an electric piano and an acoustic piano → an electric and acoustic piano.
- as well as the rest → as well as on the rest
- that it's → that its
- who viewed it as an example of a slow jam → who saw it as →→an example of slow jam
- In the lyrics, the → In the lyrics, a
- Unlink "chorus"
- lyrics: "You're a lying → lyrics, "You're a lying
- a ..." → a [...]"
- In the chorus, Kelly sings the following laundry-related lyrics: "Soap → For the refrain, Kelly sings the laundry-related lyrics, "Soap
- Audio sample > Nivea – "Laundromat" → Only the song's title
- Audio sample > A 15-second sample of the song, where Kelly sings the chorus. The lyrics features references to doing laundry. → A 15-second sample of the song, where Kelly delivers vocals for the refrain. The lyrical content of the track is laundry-related.
Critical reception
- Taylor concluded by saying that it was a → The review concluded that the single was a
- YouKnowIGotSoul.com → Remove the ".com", as well in the source
- from the album → from Nivea
- Add release year in brackets for "Don't Mess with the Radio"
- metaphor. it pointed to → metaphor, it pointed out
- Vibe's Laura Checkoway, however, viewed → However, Vibe's...
- Kelly having sexual → him having sexual
- Writer Mark Anthony Neal agreed with Checkoway, and expressed → Echoing this thought, writer... (because it sounds like they know each other and agree)
- discomfort to taking → discomfort in taking
- Picture > The inclusion of R. Kelly received some negative reactions, while Fuse praised his vocals on the chorus → Kelly's (unlink him) (pictured) contribution to the song received mixed response from media outlets.
Commercial performance
- Following its release → Upon its release (sounds better)
- found minor success → experienced minor success
- In the week of → For the week ending
- Billboard Hot 100. It stayed on the chart → Billboard Hot 100, remaining in the chart
- it also peaked at number 20 → use "reached number 20" here for alternation
- and stayed on the chart for twenty weeks → and was present in the chart for 20 weeks
- It appeared → It further appeared
- of number thirty-three → at number 33
- UK Singles chart → UK Singles Chart
- two weeks on the chart → two weeks in the chart
- It was Nivea's second top-40 entry → It marked Nivea's second top 40 entry
- with Mystikal "Danger → with Mystikal on "Danger
Music video
- The music video was released → An accompanying music video for the song premiered (sound better)
- For a majority of the video, → Over the rest of the visual
- the video was released as a part of a CD single, with the radio edit → the clip was included on a CD single alongside the radio edit
- "Laundromat' and a remix of → comma before "and" as a new idea starts here.
- It was listed as one of the "6 Worst Music Videos Shot in Laundromats" by Phoenix New Times's Troy Farah, who simply described it as "Ewww" → place this at the end of this section
- Kelly's parts → Kelly's vocal delivery (you've already used "parts" before)
- as a DJ → as a disc jockey
- for Kelly's 2002 → for the latter's 2002 (word rep.)
- In the article → In his article
- Mark Anthony Neal → you've already mentioned his full name in the "Critical reception" section; re-word to "writer Neal concluded"
- choose → past tense
Solange Knowles version
- Boerum Hill. It was a part of → Boerum Hill, as part of
- and The Fader; it was also performed as a part of the → and The Fader; and the
- Knowles performed the song as a part of a medley with American experimental rock band Dirty Projectors' track "Stillness Is the Move". She sang it while dancing on top of washing machines; she attributed her performing style to the location, explaining: "This laundromat has me feeling the drama queen, so excuse my theatrics". → The song was sung in a medley with... (YEAR OF RELEASE) while dancing on top of washing machines. Concerning this, the singer confessed, "..."
- both of Nivea and R. Kelly's parts, while accompanied → both Nivea's and Kelly's parts, while being accompanied
- The song was altered → Additionally, the song was altered
- TheDrop.fm → Remove ".fm" here and in the source, as well
- 31 best covers of 2013. The website commended → 31 best covers of 2013, further praising
- her vocals, but also wrote: "we love → her vocal delivery, but also writing, "we love
- listened to the song → use "track" for example here for alternation
- add year of release in brackets for her studio album
Formats and track listings
- It is sufficient if you rename this section to "Track listing" only
Credits and personnel
- flawless ;)
Charts
- flawless ;)
Release history
- U.K. → United Kingdom
- U.S. → United States
- Unlink labels and remove "Records", respectively
- Please remove "!scope="row" for dates
- Move references to the countries, respectively
- Use "rowspan="3" for multiple instances of "CD single"
Other stuff
Copy-violation
- 18.7% is perfect!
Images
- Images perfectly illustrate the article.
Links
References
- As far as I checked them, the references do cover the assertations made in this article.
- No dead links! Good job!
@
Aoba47: Review is ready! Please ping me once you're ready.
Cartoon network freak (
talk) 21:19, 4 December 2016 (UTC)
- @ Cartoon network freak: Thank you for the review; I have made all the revisions. Aoba47 ( talk) 21:45, 4 December 2016 (UTC)
- @ Aoba47: Gladly passing! Best and congrats, Cartoon network freak ( talk) 21:48, 4 December 2016 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Cartoon network freak ( talk · contribs) 05:49, 25 November 2016 (UTC)
Review arriving soon... Cartoon network freak ( talk) 05:49, 25 November 2016 (UTC)
Lead
- Nivea, from her → Nivea for her
- The song was released → you've already used "song" before
- third single from the album → you've already used "album" before
- Through which label was the song released?
- wrote and produced the song → you can maybe use "track" here?
- with lyrics that revolve → and lyrically revolves
- Link "critical response" to music journalism
- The choice of Kelly as Nivea's duet partner did received → However, the choice of Kelly as Nivea's duet partner received
- that Kelly had sexual relations → you can use "he" here
- In the United States, it peaked at at number 20 → you jump here from one complete different topic to another. Please introduce this, like "Commercially, the recording peaked in the United States at number 20
- and number 58 → and at number 58
- I think you should mention the Hot 100 first
- mention that Hot R&B Songs is a component chart of Billboard
- of number thirty-three → of number 33
- In the music video → In the accompanying music video
- one of the worst music videos → use "visuals" instead of "music videos" here
- allegations of Kelly having sexual relations with underage girls. → Kelly's allegations. (you described which allegation these are in the second para already)
- July 29, 2013 → we don't need an exact date for such an event in the lead; reword to "In July 2013"
- campaign. Knowles received → campaign, eventually, receiving
Infobox
- Zomba Records → never use "records" in infoboxes
- Instead of writing R. Kelly two times, only list his last name (Kelly) the second time
Background and release
- Unlink Kelly here
- and Nivea served as executive producers for the single → You used both "served" and "single" before; alternate
- Following the commercial success of "Don't Mess with My Man",[4] it was released → Subsequently, following the single's commercial success, it was distributed
- Partially done. I believe that "Don't Mess with My Man" needs to be stated again as "the single" can be read to refer to either "Laundromat" or "Don't Mess with My Man".
- from American singer Nivea's self-titled debut album → from Nivea's eponymous debut studio album; unlink "Nivea" here
- It was sent to was sent to → It was additionally sent to
- playlists, even while "Don't Mess With My Man" was still receiving heavy airplay. → playlists alongside "Don't Mess With My Man"
- The CD single → A CD single (we don't know about the CD until now)
Composition and lyrical interpretation
- a R&B → an R&B (reads a'rendbe)
- twenty-three seconds → 23 seconds
- who appears as an uncredited feature → whose vocal delivery is uncredited
- The song is composed → you've already used "song" before
- Its instrumentation → The track's instrumentation
- an electric piano and an acoustic piano → an electric and acoustic piano.
- as well as the rest → as well as on the rest
- that it's → that its
- who viewed it as an example of a slow jam → who saw it as →→an example of slow jam
- In the lyrics, the → In the lyrics, a
- Unlink "chorus"
- lyrics: "You're a lying → lyrics, "You're a lying
- a ..." → a [...]"
- In the chorus, Kelly sings the following laundry-related lyrics: "Soap → For the refrain, Kelly sings the laundry-related lyrics, "Soap
- Audio sample > Nivea – "Laundromat" → Only the song's title
- Audio sample > A 15-second sample of the song, where Kelly sings the chorus. The lyrics features references to doing laundry. → A 15-second sample of the song, where Kelly delivers vocals for the refrain. The lyrical content of the track is laundry-related.
Critical reception
- Taylor concluded by saying that it was a → The review concluded that the single was a
- YouKnowIGotSoul.com → Remove the ".com", as well in the source
- from the album → from Nivea
- Add release year in brackets for "Don't Mess with the Radio"
- metaphor. it pointed to → metaphor, it pointed out
- Vibe's Laura Checkoway, however, viewed → However, Vibe's...
- Kelly having sexual → him having sexual
- Writer Mark Anthony Neal agreed with Checkoway, and expressed → Echoing this thought, writer... (because it sounds like they know each other and agree)
- discomfort to taking → discomfort in taking
- Picture > The inclusion of R. Kelly received some negative reactions, while Fuse praised his vocals on the chorus → Kelly's (unlink him) (pictured) contribution to the song received mixed response from media outlets.
Commercial performance
- Following its release → Upon its release (sounds better)
- found minor success → experienced minor success
- In the week of → For the week ending
- Billboard Hot 100. It stayed on the chart → Billboard Hot 100, remaining in the chart
- it also peaked at number 20 → use "reached number 20" here for alternation
- and stayed on the chart for twenty weeks → and was present in the chart for 20 weeks
- It appeared → It further appeared
- of number thirty-three → at number 33
- UK Singles chart → UK Singles Chart
- two weeks on the chart → two weeks in the chart
- It was Nivea's second top-40 entry → It marked Nivea's second top 40 entry
- with Mystikal "Danger → with Mystikal on "Danger
Music video
- The music video was released → An accompanying music video for the song premiered (sound better)
- For a majority of the video, → Over the rest of the visual
- the video was released as a part of a CD single, with the radio edit → the clip was included on a CD single alongside the radio edit
- "Laundromat' and a remix of → comma before "and" as a new idea starts here.
- It was listed as one of the "6 Worst Music Videos Shot in Laundromats" by Phoenix New Times's Troy Farah, who simply described it as "Ewww" → place this at the end of this section
- Kelly's parts → Kelly's vocal delivery (you've already used "parts" before)
- as a DJ → as a disc jockey
- for Kelly's 2002 → for the latter's 2002 (word rep.)
- In the article → In his article
- Mark Anthony Neal → you've already mentioned his full name in the "Critical reception" section; re-word to "writer Neal concluded"
- choose → past tense
Solange Knowles version
- Boerum Hill. It was a part of → Boerum Hill, as part of
- and The Fader; it was also performed as a part of the → and The Fader; and the
- Knowles performed the song as a part of a medley with American experimental rock band Dirty Projectors' track "Stillness Is the Move". She sang it while dancing on top of washing machines; she attributed her performing style to the location, explaining: "This laundromat has me feeling the drama queen, so excuse my theatrics". → The song was sung in a medley with... (YEAR OF RELEASE) while dancing on top of washing machines. Concerning this, the singer confessed, "..."
- both of Nivea and R. Kelly's parts, while accompanied → both Nivea's and Kelly's parts, while being accompanied
- The song was altered → Additionally, the song was altered
- TheDrop.fm → Remove ".fm" here and in the source, as well
- 31 best covers of 2013. The website commended → 31 best covers of 2013, further praising
- her vocals, but also wrote: "we love → her vocal delivery, but also writing, "we love
- listened to the song → use "track" for example here for alternation
- add year of release in brackets for her studio album
Formats and track listings
- It is sufficient if you rename this section to "Track listing" only
Credits and personnel
- flawless ;)
Charts
- flawless ;)
Release history
- U.K. → United Kingdom
- U.S. → United States
- Unlink labels and remove "Records", respectively
- Please remove "!scope="row" for dates
- Move references to the countries, respectively
- Use "rowspan="3" for multiple instances of "CD single"
Other stuff
Copy-violation
- 18.7% is perfect!
Images
- Images perfectly illustrate the article.
Links
References
- As far as I checked them, the references do cover the assertations made in this article.
- No dead links! Good job!
@
Aoba47: Review is ready! Please ping me once you're ready.
Cartoon network freak (
talk) 21:19, 4 December 2016 (UTC)
- @ Cartoon network freak: Thank you for the review; I have made all the revisions. Aoba47 ( talk) 21:45, 4 December 2016 (UTC)
- @ Aoba47: Gladly passing! Best and congrats, Cartoon network freak ( talk) 21:48, 4 December 2016 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.