Reviewer:DCI (
talk·contribs) 00:25, 23 January 2012 (UTC)
I plan on reviewing this article within the coming week.
DCItalk 00:25, 23 January 2012 (UTC)reply
As I will have many comments, I am more than willing to complete corrections myself, in case you're busy this week.
DCItalk 18:46, 28 January 2012 (UTC)reply
Lead.
The opening sentence is quite long, but I am not sure we can do much about it.
I'm not sure about opening a sentence with "Soon after, however, he would be the foreign minister..." Done
Change "at home" to "at this time". Not done Clarified what I mean
Early life
Is the first name necessary?
Surely the alternative is "Metternich was born into the House of Metternich" ? -
Jarry1250Deliberationneeded 00:32, 1 February 2012 (UTC)reply
He was the eldest son of the couple, having one elder sister"...could you change to but had one other sister? Not done but clarified
The statement about swimming and horse-riding seems out of place in this sentence. Perhaps you could say something to the effect that his education included athletic activities, as well. Done
The second paragraph in this section contains a few sentences that need grammar checking and also a quick check to make sure they don't incorporate too many clauses. I do not understand the last sentence, about looking "at east," unless it's supposed to be "at ease." Done
Please include the name of the French minister interrogated by Metternich. If you can, also include the names of the legislators. Was this, by any chance, the French turncoat Dumoriez?
It wasn't actually; it was a party sent to arrest him. The source does not name the Minister of War but it was non-contentiously
Pierre de Ruel, marquis de Beurnonville, so I've added that in. How many commissioners accompanied him does for some reason look contentious; the French Wikipedia names four! -
Jarry1250Deliberationneeded 00:32, 1 February 2012 (UTC)reply
Marriage and the Congress of Rastatt.
Many of the most influential... This sounds wordy. Why not change it to "influential British politicians?" Done
Ambassador
Dresden and Berlin
What does the word "retiring" mean in this context? Was Frederick Augustus of Saxony withdrawn from the affairs of state? Including a more detailed word or explanation might clarify this. Done
Foreign Minister
Detente with France
I'm not wild about this sentence: After returning to Austria Metternich witnessed Austria's defeat... Done
When Napoleon was also asking after..." Is there a better way to word this? Done
Congress of Vienna
Check for minor errors (e.g., aid instead of the correct aide). Done
Aachen, Teplice, etc.
Is this the best section name?
Meh, I'm not overly keen on it but it's designed to fit with the others without omission. -
Jarry1250Deliberationneeded 00:32, 1 February 2012 (UTC)reply
captured by the allure of... Not sure about this wording. Done
Remaining sections
Although the article meets GA criteria, as explained below, I may add more comments here within the next few days to assist in making general corrections.
My major concern
My major concern is the first paragraph of Historical assessment. I understand that the comments in this paragraph are supposed to be from the point of view of an unfavourable historian, but unquoted phrases describing a "pointless" struggle and "a more enlightened chancellor" do not sound acceptable here on Wikipedia.
General comments/concerns
Section headers eventually become quite small and a little hard to differentiate between. I understand this is necessary given the additional level-two sections at the bottom, but it's just something I noticed.
There are more than a few redlinks in the page. Again, they're probably necessary, but it detracts from the overall appearance.
Sourcing is excellent.
GA checklist
GA review (see
here for what the criteria are, and
here for what they are not)
This article is well-written and, with the exception of the errors outlined above, is ready to be listed as GA. In order to make A-class or FA, corrections will need to be made around the article, again as listed above, but I am ready to pass this as soon as my major concern is addressed.
Reviewer:DCI (
talk·contribs) 00:25, 23 January 2012 (UTC)
I plan on reviewing this article within the coming week.
DCItalk 00:25, 23 January 2012 (UTC)reply
As I will have many comments, I am more than willing to complete corrections myself, in case you're busy this week.
DCItalk 18:46, 28 January 2012 (UTC)reply
Lead.
The opening sentence is quite long, but I am not sure we can do much about it.
I'm not sure about opening a sentence with "Soon after, however, he would be the foreign minister..." Done
Change "at home" to "at this time". Not done Clarified what I mean
Early life
Is the first name necessary?
Surely the alternative is "Metternich was born into the House of Metternich" ? -
Jarry1250Deliberationneeded 00:32, 1 February 2012 (UTC)reply
He was the eldest son of the couple, having one elder sister"...could you change to but had one other sister? Not done but clarified
The statement about swimming and horse-riding seems out of place in this sentence. Perhaps you could say something to the effect that his education included athletic activities, as well. Done
The second paragraph in this section contains a few sentences that need grammar checking and also a quick check to make sure they don't incorporate too many clauses. I do not understand the last sentence, about looking "at east," unless it's supposed to be "at ease." Done
Please include the name of the French minister interrogated by Metternich. If you can, also include the names of the legislators. Was this, by any chance, the French turncoat Dumoriez?
It wasn't actually; it was a party sent to arrest him. The source does not name the Minister of War but it was non-contentiously
Pierre de Ruel, marquis de Beurnonville, so I've added that in. How many commissioners accompanied him does for some reason look contentious; the French Wikipedia names four! -
Jarry1250Deliberationneeded 00:32, 1 February 2012 (UTC)reply
Marriage and the Congress of Rastatt.
Many of the most influential... This sounds wordy. Why not change it to "influential British politicians?" Done
Ambassador
Dresden and Berlin
What does the word "retiring" mean in this context? Was Frederick Augustus of Saxony withdrawn from the affairs of state? Including a more detailed word or explanation might clarify this. Done
Foreign Minister
Detente with France
I'm not wild about this sentence: After returning to Austria Metternich witnessed Austria's defeat... Done
When Napoleon was also asking after..." Is there a better way to word this? Done
Congress of Vienna
Check for minor errors (e.g., aid instead of the correct aide). Done
Aachen, Teplice, etc.
Is this the best section name?
Meh, I'm not overly keen on it but it's designed to fit with the others without omission. -
Jarry1250Deliberationneeded 00:32, 1 February 2012 (UTC)reply
captured by the allure of... Not sure about this wording. Done
Remaining sections
Although the article meets GA criteria, as explained below, I may add more comments here within the next few days to assist in making general corrections.
My major concern
My major concern is the first paragraph of Historical assessment. I understand that the comments in this paragraph are supposed to be from the point of view of an unfavourable historian, but unquoted phrases describing a "pointless" struggle and "a more enlightened chancellor" do not sound acceptable here on Wikipedia.
General comments/concerns
Section headers eventually become quite small and a little hard to differentiate between. I understand this is necessary given the additional level-two sections at the bottom, but it's just something I noticed.
There are more than a few redlinks in the page. Again, they're probably necessary, but it detracts from the overall appearance.
Sourcing is excellent.
GA checklist
GA review (see
here for what the criteria are, and
here for what they are not)
This article is well-written and, with the exception of the errors outlined above, is ready to be listed as GA. In order to make A-class or FA, corrections will need to be made around the article, again as listed above, but I am ready to pass this as soon as my major concern is addressed.