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Reviewer: Catrìona ( talk · contribs) 12:51, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
Please reply individually under each of my comments and mark with Done,
Fixed,
Added,
Not done,
Doing..., or
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make.
Catrìona (
talk)
22:58, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
I think the article is getting close. You might consider expanding the lead somewhat with additional details from the career section . One other issue that I just noticed is the cits to find a grave, which is not considered a reliable source (see Wikipedia:Identifying reliable sources/Perennial sources). You'll need to find a better source for the information. Also, I'm a bit concerned about undue weight for the illness and death section, which is almost as long as the section on her career. There is coverage in secondary sources, which is a good sign, but I would avoid primary sources for that section unless the information is repeated in secondary sources, to avoid giving undue weight.
Alright, it's looking much improved. I've done some copyediting to help it meet the "focus" criterion, and moved some interesting but less relevant info to footnotes, as well as removing findagrave. If you find a better source for that information, you can copy it from the revision history, but the article can't be passed as long as it contains sources considered to be unreliable. A few additional suggestions:
According to Professor Thomas Paxton...or
According to economic historian Thomas Paxtonetc. instead of
According to Paxton. Also see words to watch: it's preferable to avoid words like "claim" and "insist" unless there's some reason to believe that the person saying it is mistaken.
She is celebrated as a female pioneer in the discipline of economicsAvoid words like "celebrated". I recommend "She was a female pioneer..."
long time companionShould be hyphenated (long-time companion), but it seems that "Boston marriage" is the more usual term for this.
Upon her birth, Coman's father is quoted as saying that "he would show educators how a girl should be educated."I looked at the source, and this isn't a direct quote.
used his ideasrepeated awkward phrase, suggest rewriting
attended the University of Michigan for two years, left college to teach in Ottawa, Illinois for two years, and then returned to university.Is there any information on why?
political economy classwhat is "political economy"?
Coman was described as radiant, brilliant, and charismatic, and that faculty and students alike were drawn to herprobably best to put this in a quote
Good Article review progress box
|
Mostly looking good. I flagged a statement still needing a reference and specifically note the Wellesley College Archives reference, which needs a title to not be a bare url. Adding citation templates would not be inconsistent with the current style, but makes the references more resilient to future changes and, by including a url, easier to find. Anyway, I am going to change the status to 2ndopinion, noting for the next reviewer that I have not checked all refs, but have checked a significant percentage and did not find any issues. Catrìona ( talk) 04:29, 10 September 2018 (UTC)
I'd be happy to provide a second opinion. Having looked through this review, I'm not entirely clear on what you're asking for a second opinion on. Is there some specific aspect? Or are you asking someone to look at the nomination in general?-- Carabinieri ( talk) 02:49, 12 September 2018 (UTC)
I've started reviewing the article. Here are a few issues and questions:
That's it for now. I've done some very light copyediting. Please make sure I don't mess anything up.-- Carabinieri ( talk) 21:19, 12 September 2018 (UTC)
I haven't followed this review, but it looks like the outstanding parts are Carabinieri's comments in this last section. I'm coming in without a great familiarity with the subject/sources to try to save the nomination, since it looks so close to passing, so bear with me.
The link in the first footnote (umich.edu) appears to be broken.
I haven't been able to figure out where the encyclopedia article cited in the third footnote (jrank.org) is from. What kind of source is this and why is it reliable?
When citing a book or journal article, you need to give a page number. I know Catriona wrote that this is not required by the GA criteria, but I disagree. Verifiability is required for GA and a statement isn't really verifiable without a page number.
"Upon her birth, Coman's father reportedly said that he would show educators how a girl should be educated" I'm not entirely sure what point this is making. Was her father saying that girls weren't getting the education they deserved? If so, in what way? Or is this meant more literally, in that he intended to use his daughter to demonstrate proper education for girls?
"After graduating with her PhB, she joined the faculty at Wellesley College, a newly established private college for women." Wouldn't it make more sense to move this sentence to the next section?
"Noting her talent for teaching, the president of the University of Michigan, James Burrill Angell, recommended Coman" I wasn't sure what this meant. Was this what led to her being hired by Wellesley? Or was this after her appointment?
"Considered the first industrial history of the United States,[4] the book was reprinted nine times before 1915" Considered by whom? I think either this claim is clearly factually correct, then we don't need the "considered", or it's an opinion, but then it should be attributed to someone.
*"She died in a room the family had named Bohemia, as it looked out over the trees and gardens below" That seemed like a bit of a non-sequitur to me. Were those trees and gardens in some reminiscent of the region Bohemia? Or does this refer to the tree?
Alright I guess I don't need a week after all. :) — Rhododendrites talk \\ 20:59, 10 March 2019 (UTC)
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Reviewer: Catrìona ( talk · contribs) 12:51, 14 August 2018 (UTC)
Please reply individually under each of my comments and mark with Done,
Fixed,
Added,
Not done,
Doing..., or
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make.
Catrìona (
talk)
22:58, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
I think the article is getting close. You might consider expanding the lead somewhat with additional details from the career section . One other issue that I just noticed is the cits to find a grave, which is not considered a reliable source (see Wikipedia:Identifying reliable sources/Perennial sources). You'll need to find a better source for the information. Also, I'm a bit concerned about undue weight for the illness and death section, which is almost as long as the section on her career. There is coverage in secondary sources, which is a good sign, but I would avoid primary sources for that section unless the information is repeated in secondary sources, to avoid giving undue weight.
Alright, it's looking much improved. I've done some copyediting to help it meet the "focus" criterion, and moved some interesting but less relevant info to footnotes, as well as removing findagrave. If you find a better source for that information, you can copy it from the revision history, but the article can't be passed as long as it contains sources considered to be unreliable. A few additional suggestions:
According to Professor Thomas Paxton...or
According to economic historian Thomas Paxtonetc. instead of
According to Paxton. Also see words to watch: it's preferable to avoid words like "claim" and "insist" unless there's some reason to believe that the person saying it is mistaken.
She is celebrated as a female pioneer in the discipline of economicsAvoid words like "celebrated". I recommend "She was a female pioneer..."
long time companionShould be hyphenated (long-time companion), but it seems that "Boston marriage" is the more usual term for this.
Upon her birth, Coman's father is quoted as saying that "he would show educators how a girl should be educated."I looked at the source, and this isn't a direct quote.
used his ideasrepeated awkward phrase, suggest rewriting
attended the University of Michigan for two years, left college to teach in Ottawa, Illinois for two years, and then returned to university.Is there any information on why?
political economy classwhat is "political economy"?
Coman was described as radiant, brilliant, and charismatic, and that faculty and students alike were drawn to herprobably best to put this in a quote
Good Article review progress box
|
Mostly looking good. I flagged a statement still needing a reference and specifically note the Wellesley College Archives reference, which needs a title to not be a bare url. Adding citation templates would not be inconsistent with the current style, but makes the references more resilient to future changes and, by including a url, easier to find. Anyway, I am going to change the status to 2ndopinion, noting for the next reviewer that I have not checked all refs, but have checked a significant percentage and did not find any issues. Catrìona ( talk) 04:29, 10 September 2018 (UTC)
I'd be happy to provide a second opinion. Having looked through this review, I'm not entirely clear on what you're asking for a second opinion on. Is there some specific aspect? Or are you asking someone to look at the nomination in general?-- Carabinieri ( talk) 02:49, 12 September 2018 (UTC)
I've started reviewing the article. Here are a few issues and questions:
That's it for now. I've done some very light copyediting. Please make sure I don't mess anything up.-- Carabinieri ( talk) 21:19, 12 September 2018 (UTC)
I haven't followed this review, but it looks like the outstanding parts are Carabinieri's comments in this last section. I'm coming in without a great familiarity with the subject/sources to try to save the nomination, since it looks so close to passing, so bear with me.
The link in the first footnote (umich.edu) appears to be broken.
I haven't been able to figure out where the encyclopedia article cited in the third footnote (jrank.org) is from. What kind of source is this and why is it reliable?
When citing a book or journal article, you need to give a page number. I know Catriona wrote that this is not required by the GA criteria, but I disagree. Verifiability is required for GA and a statement isn't really verifiable without a page number.
"Upon her birth, Coman's father reportedly said that he would show educators how a girl should be educated" I'm not entirely sure what point this is making. Was her father saying that girls weren't getting the education they deserved? If so, in what way? Or is this meant more literally, in that he intended to use his daughter to demonstrate proper education for girls?
"After graduating with her PhB, she joined the faculty at Wellesley College, a newly established private college for women." Wouldn't it make more sense to move this sentence to the next section?
"Noting her talent for teaching, the president of the University of Michigan, James Burrill Angell, recommended Coman" I wasn't sure what this meant. Was this what led to her being hired by Wellesley? Or was this after her appointment?
"Considered the first industrial history of the United States,[4] the book was reprinted nine times before 1915" Considered by whom? I think either this claim is clearly factually correct, then we don't need the "considered", or it's an opinion, but then it should be attributed to someone.
*"She died in a room the family had named Bohemia, as it looked out over the trees and gardens below" That seemed like a bit of a non-sequitur to me. Were those trees and gardens in some reminiscent of the region Bohemia? Or does this refer to the tree?
Alright I guess I don't need a week after all. :) — Rhododendrites talk \\ 20:59, 10 March 2019 (UTC)