"she was the manager of the group, The Throw-Backs, later called The Untouchables, with Deuce Shade and Dice Domino." - wording suggests that the latter pair were co-managers with her, suggest "with" be changed to something like "consisting of" "Drew used the ring name Cherry Pie" - redundant to the end of the previous para, consolidate the two together "manager of the tag team The Throw-Backs (Deuce Shade and Domino Dice), her storyline brother," - which one was her storyline brother? Needs clarifying "the team went an image change" - "went" should be "underwent", surely? " including changing their name to "The Untouchables" and dropping the "Pie" part of her ring name to become known as "Cherry" - this isn't really grammatically correct. I suggest losing "including", adding a full stop after "Untouchables" and then starting a new sentence with something like "Drew also dropped....." "In their first match with WWE.....the team underwent a name change" - I presume they didn't literally change their name during the match, so maybe replace "In" with "For" " following a distraction from McCool on the April 18 episode of SmackDown" - needs a comma after McCool "in a WWE.com exclusive video, she was dumped by Deuce and Domino for Maryse when they " - sentence starts with a small letter.
Done. Though, I'm having a hard time coming up with something for the storyline brother sentence. Do you have a suggestion you can throw at me? --
ThinkBlue (HitBLUE) 17:05, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
How about "the tag team The Throw-Backs, comprising Deuce Shade and Domino Dice, the former/latter (delete as appropriate, I don't know which it is) of whom was her storyline brother" --
ChrisTheDude (
talk) 20:07, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
I've also just noticed that here he is called Domino Dice, whereas in the lead he is called Dice Domino - which is correct? --
ChrisTheDude (
talk) 20:09, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
Oops, I missed that. Its "Dice Domino". Also, I think I got it. --
ThinkBlue (HitBLUE) 21:13, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
Something seems a bit screwy with the bullet points in the "wrestlers managed" section. If you can fix that, I'll pass the article --
ChrisTheDude (
talk) 10:37, 9 September 2009 (UTC)reply
"she was the manager of the group, The Throw-Backs, later called The Untouchables, with Deuce Shade and Dice Domino." - wording suggests that the latter pair were co-managers with her, suggest "with" be changed to something like "consisting of" "Drew used the ring name Cherry Pie" - redundant to the end of the previous para, consolidate the two together "manager of the tag team The Throw-Backs (Deuce Shade and Domino Dice), her storyline brother," - which one was her storyline brother? Needs clarifying "the team went an image change" - "went" should be "underwent", surely? " including changing their name to "The Untouchables" and dropping the "Pie" part of her ring name to become known as "Cherry" - this isn't really grammatically correct. I suggest losing "including", adding a full stop after "Untouchables" and then starting a new sentence with something like "Drew also dropped....." "In their first match with WWE.....the team underwent a name change" - I presume they didn't literally change their name during the match, so maybe replace "In" with "For" " following a distraction from McCool on the April 18 episode of SmackDown" - needs a comma after McCool "in a WWE.com exclusive video, she was dumped by Deuce and Domino for Maryse when they " - sentence starts with a small letter.
Done. Though, I'm having a hard time coming up with something for the storyline brother sentence. Do you have a suggestion you can throw at me? --
ThinkBlue (HitBLUE) 17:05, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
How about "the tag team The Throw-Backs, comprising Deuce Shade and Domino Dice, the former/latter (delete as appropriate, I don't know which it is) of whom was her storyline brother" --
ChrisTheDude (
talk) 20:07, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
I've also just noticed that here he is called Domino Dice, whereas in the lead he is called Dice Domino - which is correct? --
ChrisTheDude (
talk) 20:09, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
Oops, I missed that. Its "Dice Domino". Also, I think I got it. --
ThinkBlue (HitBLUE) 21:13, 8 September 2009 (UTC)reply
Something seems a bit screwy with the bullet points in the "wrestlers managed" section. If you can fix that, I'll pass the article --
ChrisTheDude (
talk) 10:37, 9 September 2009 (UTC)reply