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"The Königsberg class was ... their": singular "was", plural "their" (Since "They" follows, probably go plural with the whole thing ... The Königsberg-class ships were ...)
I went with "These ships were the first of the Reichsmarine with a modern cruiser design; their predecessor ..." - Dank (
push to talk)
"their predecessor, Emden": their predecessor, Emden,
Fixed.
"with a main battery of nine 15 cm (5.9 in) guns and twelve 50 cm (20 in) torpedo tubes": with a main battery of nine 15 cm (5.9 in) guns and with twelve 50 cm (20 in) torpedo tubes (so people won't think the torpedoes were in the main battery)
Sounds fine to me.
"used in experiments with using": repetition
Should read better now.
"were very crank": The wiktionary page you're linking to has a noun with that meaning, but not an adjective. It's not in
M-W.
It's in the wrong section - you wouldn't say "the ship is a crank", you'd say "the ship is crank(y)". See for instance
dictionary.com, which has it as an adjective. And it is in the online Mirriam-Webster (
here, it's the 5th entry), also as an adjective. I'll be correcting the Wiktionary entry accordingly.
Parsecboy (
talk)
14:05, 27 February 2013 (UTC)reply
My mistake, I didn't read far enough in M-W. How about "cranky"? I think that's going to be more familiar to the so-called "general reader". - Dank (
push to talk)
14:16, 27 February 2013 (UTC)reply
Sounds fine to me.
"but these were replaced later": replaced later
Done.
"Throughout the course of their careers, the ships' anti-aircraft batteries were repeatedly revised and improved.": Either drop the introductory phrase, or if you want to emphasize when they were revised, be more specific about that.
I was trying to make clear that they weren't just modified once and were done, that it was a continual process. I feel like cutting the phrase leaves the reader saying "when?"
I went with "The ships' anti-aircraft batteries were revised and improved throughout the course of their careers."; does that work? - Dank (
push to talk)
"on either ends": on either end
Fixed.
I'm not sure what you can do about this, but the Armor section repeats the word "thick", like, a lot.
I just cut them out in most places, and there shouldn't be any loss of meaning.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Ships, a project to improve all
Ship-related articles. If you would like to help improve this and other articles, please
join the project, or contribute to the
project discussion. All interested editors are welcome. To use this banner, please see the
full instructions.ShipsWikipedia:WikiProject ShipsTemplate:WikiProject ShipsShips articles
This article is within the scope of the Military history WikiProject. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the project and see a
list of open tasks. To use this banner, please see the
full instructions.Military historyWikipedia:WikiProject Military historyTemplate:WikiProject Military historymilitary history articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Germany, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
Germany on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.GermanyWikipedia:WikiProject GermanyTemplate:WikiProject GermanyGermany articles
"The Königsberg class was ... their": singular "was", plural "their" (Since "They" follows, probably go plural with the whole thing ... The Königsberg-class ships were ...)
I went with "These ships were the first of the Reichsmarine with a modern cruiser design; their predecessor ..." - Dank (
push to talk)
"their predecessor, Emden": their predecessor, Emden,
Fixed.
"with a main battery of nine 15 cm (5.9 in) guns and twelve 50 cm (20 in) torpedo tubes": with a main battery of nine 15 cm (5.9 in) guns and with twelve 50 cm (20 in) torpedo tubes (so people won't think the torpedoes were in the main battery)
Sounds fine to me.
"used in experiments with using": repetition
Should read better now.
"were very crank": The wiktionary page you're linking to has a noun with that meaning, but not an adjective. It's not in
M-W.
It's in the wrong section - you wouldn't say "the ship is a crank", you'd say "the ship is crank(y)". See for instance
dictionary.com, which has it as an adjective. And it is in the online Mirriam-Webster (
here, it's the 5th entry), also as an adjective. I'll be correcting the Wiktionary entry accordingly.
Parsecboy (
talk)
14:05, 27 February 2013 (UTC)reply
My mistake, I didn't read far enough in M-W. How about "cranky"? I think that's going to be more familiar to the so-called "general reader". - Dank (
push to talk)
14:16, 27 February 2013 (UTC)reply
Sounds fine to me.
"but these were replaced later": replaced later
Done.
"Throughout the course of their careers, the ships' anti-aircraft batteries were repeatedly revised and improved.": Either drop the introductory phrase, or if you want to emphasize when they were revised, be more specific about that.
I was trying to make clear that they weren't just modified once and were done, that it was a continual process. I feel like cutting the phrase leaves the reader saying "when?"
I went with "The ships' anti-aircraft batteries were revised and improved throughout the course of their careers."; does that work? - Dank (
push to talk)
"on either ends": on either end
Fixed.
I'm not sure what you can do about this, but the Armor section repeats the word "thick", like, a lot.
I just cut them out in most places, and there shouldn't be any loss of meaning.