. "He was installed n 1462, when he took his father's stall" Should be "in"? (is this a
choir stall?)
Probably. Not sure how much singing they did though.
. "duke of York" should be "Duke of York"
done
. "with Warwick, as representative's of the king" Drop the apostrophe
done
. " has been described as the hightest point for his House" highest?
done
. "earl of Northumberland" should be "earl of Northumberland"
-clarify?
. "increasingly duisatisfied with his relationship" dissatisfied?
done
. "Eventually, howeve, "however?
done
. his brother went into French into exile" ? TMI
Rm dup
. "He was also one of three men who was instructe d" were?
d. Odd spacing!
. "was causatory to his family's long-running feud" ?
I.e. that he was personally to blame, along with Egremont; per Wolffe: "The disturbances in Yorkshire were caused by the landless younger sons of the erls of" etc. In any case, I simplified the sentence.
. "Gailing to find him"
I gailed to spot that, certainly.
. "Both him and Egremont were subsequently summoned to appear before the Royal Council, a summons which was ignored by both." he? (and overuse of "both"?)
. "whom the Nevilles' captured." Drop the apostrophe
d
"John, however continued to be commissioned by the government. "
Make that "...continued to receive commissions from the govt."
"Even though he had numeric superiority" "numerical"?
Al.
"at some point John Nevile" changed the spelling of his name?
+l
and he requested requested parliament to reaffirm this" Twice apparently
-req
" women receive livery of their lands" What does "
livery" mean here?
Etymologically originating with livery as a costume, i.e something one received- but only touched upon, in this particular sense, very briefly in our
Livery article. There should probably be a
new article on it specifically at some point.
"with three baillies, a large keep, and fortified gateways.Dunstanburgh Castle" What does "bailles" mean here? (Consider linking "keep") And insert a space after full stop.
It's first person singular for 'Dancing' in
Asturian, I believe; could also be a typo for Bailey :) all done
"Wrwick was his counterpart" Missing A?
A+
"This was followed by dutypayments" Insert space?
done
"would receive from the Bishop in later years" comma after "years"
"This, with its income of between £700 and £1,000 a year, has been said, was his reward for his decisive victories, since the Crown "had played no direct part in them." Grammar a bit wonky, and who was it that said it?
Split into two sentences; v poor not to have an article on one of the first
female historians- tba
"he was granted the Constableships and honors of Knaresborough and Pontefract castles" Small "c", and "honours"
Tweaked whole sentence
"Steward of the duchy of Lancaster" "Duchy"
d
"Montague was the only Nevile to accompany the king on his journey" changed the spelling of his name?
Changed per earler mass reversal
"Marquisate of Montague" "Marquessate"
Also linked, since it was the first in Eng hist; perhaps worth mentioning?
"Lncolnshire uprising" "Lincolnshire"
d
"earl of Northumberland " "Earl of Northumberland"
@
Hawkeye7: Thanks very much for that. See above for my changes. I've also added 'Main articles.' "Montagu's attack soon became a route"- Your second opinion? suddenly occured to me that that might make it sound as if somehow his attack was routed, rather than the Lanc defence being routed? Your opinion? —
fortunavelut luna16:00, 13 September 2017 (UTC)reply
Thanks
Hawkeye7, nice one. D'you think that- not counting the footers which I'm going to start on soon- it's got (off te record) potential? I was thinking, maybe A-class? Thank you, agin, for your work here. —
fortunavelut luna07:10, 14 September 2017 (UTC)reply
. "He was installed n 1462, when he took his father's stall" Should be "in"? (is this a
choir stall?)
Probably. Not sure how much singing they did though.
. "duke of York" should be "Duke of York"
done
. "with Warwick, as representative's of the king" Drop the apostrophe
done
. " has been described as the hightest point for his House" highest?
done
. "earl of Northumberland" should be "earl of Northumberland"
-clarify?
. "increasingly duisatisfied with his relationship" dissatisfied?
done
. "Eventually, howeve, "however?
done
. his brother went into French into exile" ? TMI
Rm dup
. "He was also one of three men who was instructe d" were?
d. Odd spacing!
. "was causatory to his family's long-running feud" ?
I.e. that he was personally to blame, along with Egremont; per Wolffe: "The disturbances in Yorkshire were caused by the landless younger sons of the erls of" etc. In any case, I simplified the sentence.
. "Gailing to find him"
I gailed to spot that, certainly.
. "Both him and Egremont were subsequently summoned to appear before the Royal Council, a summons which was ignored by both." he? (and overuse of "both"?)
. "whom the Nevilles' captured." Drop the apostrophe
d
"John, however continued to be commissioned by the government. "
Make that "...continued to receive commissions from the govt."
"Even though he had numeric superiority" "numerical"?
Al.
"at some point John Nevile" changed the spelling of his name?
+l
and he requested requested parliament to reaffirm this" Twice apparently
-req
" women receive livery of their lands" What does "
livery" mean here?
Etymologically originating with livery as a costume, i.e something one received- but only touched upon, in this particular sense, very briefly in our
Livery article. There should probably be a
new article on it specifically at some point.
"with three baillies, a large keep, and fortified gateways.Dunstanburgh Castle" What does "bailles" mean here? (Consider linking "keep") And insert a space after full stop.
It's first person singular for 'Dancing' in
Asturian, I believe; could also be a typo for Bailey :) all done
"Wrwick was his counterpart" Missing A?
A+
"This was followed by dutypayments" Insert space?
done
"would receive from the Bishop in later years" comma after "years"
"This, with its income of between £700 and £1,000 a year, has been said, was his reward for his decisive victories, since the Crown "had played no direct part in them." Grammar a bit wonky, and who was it that said it?
Split into two sentences; v poor not to have an article on one of the first
female historians- tba
"he was granted the Constableships and honors of Knaresborough and Pontefract castles" Small "c", and "honours"
Tweaked whole sentence
"Steward of the duchy of Lancaster" "Duchy"
d
"Montague was the only Nevile to accompany the king on his journey" changed the spelling of his name?
Changed per earler mass reversal
"Marquisate of Montague" "Marquessate"
Also linked, since it was the first in Eng hist; perhaps worth mentioning?
"Lncolnshire uprising" "Lincolnshire"
d
"earl of Northumberland " "Earl of Northumberland"
@
Hawkeye7: Thanks very much for that. See above for my changes. I've also added 'Main articles.' "Montagu's attack soon became a route"- Your second opinion? suddenly occured to me that that might make it sound as if somehow his attack was routed, rather than the Lanc defence being routed? Your opinion? —
fortunavelut luna16:00, 13 September 2017 (UTC)reply
Thanks
Hawkeye7, nice one. D'you think that- not counting the footers which I'm going to start on soon- it's got (off te record) potential? I was thinking, maybe A-class? Thank you, agin, for your work here. —
fortunavelut luna07:10, 14 September 2017 (UTC)reply