The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Nominator: GuardianH ( talk · contribs) 08:40, 17 December 2023 (UTC)
Reviewer: GMH Melbourne ( talk · contribs) 09:31, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
Hello, I am
GMH Melbourne. I will start reviewing this article shortly. Do not hesitate to let me know of any questions and comments you may have. —
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
09:31, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- I have started the prose review (and will likey get it all finished by tomorrow ( AEST)), anything major I will note below, anything minor I will fix myself, do not hesitate to let me know if you disagree with any of the changes I make. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Prose review complete. Once all of the comments are addressed, I'll give the article another look. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria
1. Well written?: 
(
See below)
- All the issues below have been addressed. Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 15:02, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
2. Verifiable?:
- An Earwig copyvio check shows quite a few copied sentence fragments. As far as I can see all of these instances would fall under WP:LIMITED and are also, in most cases, public domain. The reference section looks all good. Spotcheck was all ok and I am satisfied there is no WP:OR. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 10:40, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- On a second look I was unable to find Demers' birthdate (day and month) in
the source listed.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
11:13, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- See the PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence.
GuardianH (
talk)
22:08, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- I could only find the birth year in that source. Also the page number(s) are missing from that citation (FN7).
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
01:51, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- I think you are looking at the PDF from the
United States Senate Committee on the Judiciary. There is another PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence with the full birthdate:
[1].
GuardianH (
talk)
04:12, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- Got it, thank you! Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 05:37, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- I think you are looking at the PDF from the
United States Senate Committee on the Judiciary. There is another PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence with the full birthdate:
[1].
GuardianH (
talk)
04:12, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- I could only find the birth year in that source. Also the page number(s) are missing from that citation (FN7).
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
01:51, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- See the PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence.
GuardianH (
talk)
22:08, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
3. Broad in coverage?:
- RE: John Demers#Departure— is there any more info/events that occurred in connection with the "leaks of classified information"? Was he called to testify?— GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- @ GMH Melbourne He was called to testify (as stated in the article), but I haven't found a source that he did testify; the call from Schumer was a voluntarily one. The trail goes cold on from there (I've exhausted most of the info). All the sources I've found mentions the call from Schumer, and that's about it. Demers left soon after, so it isn't too surprising that many outlets dropped the topic after that. GuardianH ( talk) 17:24, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
- If that is the case then that is fine as it is. Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 15:02, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
4. Neutral point of view?:
- Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
5. Stable?:
- Pass, no issues here. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 10:40, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
6. Images?:
- I am satisfied with all the images' copyright status, they are all relevant to the topic and have captions, however, they contain no WP:ALTTEXT. — GMH Melbourne ( talk) 10:40, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 05:45, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
Prose review
- General
- There is a bit of inconsistency on whether "NSD" or "National Security Division" is used throughout the article.
MOS:ACRO1STUSE suggests writing National Security Division (NSD) for the first occurrence (as is already the case), and then using the acronym NSD thereafter.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Tweaked. GuardianH ( talk) 21:33, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Early life and education
- Consider removing at the Ninth Circuit from the end of that last paragraph.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 14:40, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Legal career
- DOJ is abbreviated which is inconsistent with other occurrences in the article. Similar issue with FISA where it is only mentioned in the article two times and both times have an abbreviation.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 14:37, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Nomination
- Demers' nomination was supported by former officials in the Obama Administration. — I suggest swapping the sentence around to read Former officials in the Obama Administration supported Demers' nomination.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 14:38, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Tenure
- "When Demers became the head of the national security division, the U.S. was recovering from Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections." — Is there a better term/phrase to use here instead of "the U.S. was recovering"? It reads a bit overdramatic.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:35, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- serve in the position until Merrick Garland, Biden's nominee to be attorney general, could assume the office. reads a bit confusingly. I suggest changing it to serve in the position until Biden's nominee, Merrick Garland, could assume the office.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:36, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
when acting attorney general Jeffrey A. Rosen resisted.
— be more specific about what Rosen resisted. I don't have access to the source, but perhaps say, "Rosen advised/urged Demers to stay on." GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:37, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- When introducing John P. Carlin, state his title— e.g. He was asked by Acting Attorney General John P. Carlin to remain... —
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:39, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Nominator: GuardianH ( talk · contribs) 08:40, 17 December 2023 (UTC)
Reviewer: GMH Melbourne ( talk · contribs) 09:31, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
Hello, I am
GMH Melbourne. I will start reviewing this article shortly. Do not hesitate to let me know of any questions and comments you may have. —
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
09:31, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- I have started the prose review (and will likey get it all finished by tomorrow ( AEST)), anything major I will note below, anything minor I will fix myself, do not hesitate to let me know if you disagree with any of the changes I make. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Prose review complete. Once all of the comments are addressed, I'll give the article another look. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria
1. Well written?: (
See below)
- All the issues below have been addressed. Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 15:02, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
2. Verifiable?:
- An Earwig copyvio check shows quite a few copied sentence fragments. As far as I can see all of these instances would fall under WP:LIMITED and are also, in most cases, public domain. The reference section looks all good. Spotcheck was all ok and I am satisfied there is no WP:OR. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 10:40, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- On a second look I was unable to find Demers' birthdate (day and month) in
the source listed.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
11:13, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- See the PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence.
GuardianH (
talk)
22:08, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- I could only find the birth year in that source. Also the page number(s) are missing from that citation (FN7).
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
01:51, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- I think you are looking at the PDF from the
United States Senate Committee on the Judiciary. There is another PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence with the full birthdate:
[1].
GuardianH (
talk)
04:12, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- Got it, thank you! Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 05:37, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- I think you are looking at the PDF from the
United States Senate Committee on the Judiciary. There is another PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence with the full birthdate:
[1].
GuardianH (
talk)
04:12, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- I could only find the birth year in that source. Also the page number(s) are missing from that citation (FN7).
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
01:51, 3 May 2024 (UTC)
- See the PDF from the
United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence.
GuardianH (
talk)
22:08, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
3. Broad in coverage?:
- RE: John Demers#Departure— is there any more info/events that occurred in connection with the "leaks of classified information"? Was he called to testify?— GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- @ GMH Melbourne He was called to testify (as stated in the article), but I haven't found a source that he did testify; the call from Schumer was a voluntarily one. The trail goes cold on from there (I've exhausted most of the info). All the sources I've found mentions the call from Schumer, and that's about it. Demers left soon after, so it isn't too surprising that many outlets dropped the topic after that. GuardianH ( talk) 17:24, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
- If that is the case then that is fine as it is. Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 15:02, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
4. Neutral point of view?:
- Pass. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
5. Stable?:
- Pass, no issues here. GMH Melbourne ( talk) 10:40, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
6. Images?:
- I am satisfied with all the images' copyright status, they are all relevant to the topic and have captions, however, they contain no WP:ALTTEXT. — GMH Melbourne ( talk) 10:40, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 05:45, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
Prose review
- General
- There is a bit of inconsistency on whether "NSD" or "National Security Division" is used throughout the article.
MOS:ACRO1STUSE suggests writing National Security Division (NSD) for the first occurrence (as is already the case), and then using the acronym NSD thereafter.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Tweaked. GuardianH ( talk) 21:33, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Early life and education
- Consider removing at the Ninth Circuit from the end of that last paragraph.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 14:40, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Legal career
- DOJ is abbreviated which is inconsistent with other occurrences in the article. Similar issue with FISA where it is only mentioned in the article two times and both times have an abbreviation.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 14:37, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Nomination
- Demers' nomination was supported by former officials in the Obama Administration. — I suggest swapping the sentence around to read Former officials in the Obama Administration supported Demers' nomination.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
13:21, 30 April 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 14:38, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- Tenure
- "When Demers became the head of the national security division, the U.S. was recovering from Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections." — Is there a better term/phrase to use here instead of "the U.S. was recovering"? It reads a bit overdramatic.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:35, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- serve in the position until Merrick Garland, Biden's nominee to be attorney general, could assume the office. reads a bit confusingly. I suggest changing it to serve in the position until Biden's nominee, Merrick Garland, could assume the office.
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:36, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
when acting attorney general Jeffrey A. Rosen resisted.
— be more specific about what Rosen resisted. I don't have access to the source, but perhaps say, "Rosen advised/urged Demers to stay on." GMH Melbourne ( talk) 04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:37, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
- When introducing John P. Carlin, state his title— e.g. He was asked by Acting Attorney General John P. Carlin to remain... —
GMH Melbourne (
talk)
04:08, 1 May 2024 (UTC)
- Done. GuardianH ( talk) 21:39, 2 May 2024 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.