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Reviewer: Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:23, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
I'll review this tomorrow; sorry for the delay so far. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:23, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
Alright. Overall, the article's good despite the length issues. I don't agree with the "too much bungie" concern, because it's kinda ironic to complain about his career taking up the article. It'd be like my baseball article failing because i talk primarily about the guy's baseball career. Anyway, here are any concerns I've found, along with suggestions for additions which looks like they could be feasible:
- Where'd he attend high school, since his high school tenure's mentioned a bit?
- "In 1991 Alex Seropian had founded Bungie and published his own game, Operation Desert Storm.[3] Jones met Seropian in his second year at the University of Chicago." Starting the paragraph off with Seropian feels a little off, since it is a bio on Jones after all. I'd start off with Jones attended UChicago, then going from there.
- Most of the quotes just immediately start the sentence off. It's okay a couple times, but it happens enough that it feels jarring, like he's throwing in notes as I'm trying to read about him. Maybe tweak the quote to fit in with surrounding sentences better? Or I could be really nitpicking and you can ignore this if so :)
- "and he is currently working on a new video game series." Any updates on this? The reference is from two years ago.
- An infobox might be helpful since Seropian has one, but if you don't want to add one I understand; it wouldn't provide all that much information.
I'll put the article on hold for a few days and pass it when concerns are addressed/fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 00:24, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
- I've reworded one of the quotes, and put Jones ahead of Seropian. His high school is never mentioned. No updates on the new game series; I imagine after
Halo: Reach we'll hear about it, but that's months away :)
Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(
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21:38, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
- Alright. The article looks better now, so I'll pass it as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 22:19, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
Article (
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visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:23, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
I'll review this tomorrow; sorry for the delay so far. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:23, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
Alright. Overall, the article's good despite the length issues. I don't agree with the "too much bungie" concern, because it's kinda ironic to complain about his career taking up the article. It'd be like my baseball article failing because i talk primarily about the guy's baseball career. Anyway, here are any concerns I've found, along with suggestions for additions which looks like they could be feasible:
- Where'd he attend high school, since his high school tenure's mentioned a bit?
- "In 1991 Alex Seropian had founded Bungie and published his own game, Operation Desert Storm.[3] Jones met Seropian in his second year at the University of Chicago." Starting the paragraph off with Seropian feels a little off, since it is a bio on Jones after all. I'd start off with Jones attended UChicago, then going from there.
- Most of the quotes just immediately start the sentence off. It's okay a couple times, but it happens enough that it feels jarring, like he's throwing in notes as I'm trying to read about him. Maybe tweak the quote to fit in with surrounding sentences better? Or I could be really nitpicking and you can ignore this if so :)
- "and he is currently working on a new video game series." Any updates on this? The reference is from two years ago.
- An infobox might be helpful since Seropian has one, but if you don't want to add one I understand; it wouldn't provide all that much information.
I'll put the article on hold for a few days and pass it when concerns are addressed/fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 00:24, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
- I've reworded one of the quotes, and put Jones ahead of Seropian. His high school is never mentioned. No updates on the new game series; I imagine after
Halo: Reach we'll hear about it, but that's months away :)
Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(
talk)
21:38, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
- Alright. The article looks better now, so I'll pass it as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 22:19, 20 April 2010 (UTC)