(a) it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with
the layout style guideline;
(b)
reliable sources are
cited inline. All content that
could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose);[2]
Thanks. Some queries and suggestions on the prose.
"here she decoyed the American carrier fleet". "here she helped to decoy..."?
"Hyūga participated in
Operation Kita, where she transported
petrol". "when" or "during which" instead of "when"?
"The ship was then reduced to
reserve until she". I am not sure here, but in the UK we would write "the reserve".
"The Ise class was designed as improved versions of the preceding
Fusō class." "an improved version" - class is singular.
"despite the additional weight added." You only need one of additional or added.
"On 29 August, the ship began the first of numerous patrols off the
Siberia coast". Siberian coast or coast of Siberia.
"her No. 5 turret exploded... The turret was deemed not repairable and was removed." A little later: "The ship's No. 5 and No. 6 turrets were replaced by a hangar surmounted by a flight deck." At which point was No. 5 turret removed?
Aichi E16A. It may be worth pointing out at first mention that they are float planes?
Minor: "Hyūga became the flagship of the Fourth Carrier Division, now commanded by the recently promoted
Rear Admiral Matsuda, two days later." reads a bit oddly. Maybe put "two days later at the start?
"Two days later, the 634th Naval Air Group was reassigned to the Second Air Fleet and began flying to bases in Southern
Kyushu, among these were nine D4Ys and a dozen E16As assigned to Ise and Hyūga." A clunky sentence. Possibly break at the comma?
How about a semi-colon instead of the comma?
"were assigned to the Main Body of the
1st Mobile Fleet" Is there any reason why main body is capitalised?
Hackett capitalizes it. It's actually hard to figure out from the sources whether Main Body is a formal sub-division of the 1st Mobile Fleet or just a name for the main force.
"but the battleship is not a primary target." was, not is.
"Fragments from near misses by bombs damage the ship's
anti-torpedo blister". damaged.
Personally I wouls change "(0.99 mi)" to "1 mi)".
"Hyūga was reduced to first-class reserve." Again UK usage would have a "the".
"Kusagawa was one of the over 200 sailors killed and 600 wounded by the attack." Was Kusagawa killed or wounded?
That's fine. More than fine. You resolved everything I consider important, plus a couple of things which I noticed but didn't think serious enough to flag up at GA level, plus a couple I hadn't noticed. It reads very well now I think.
Additional notes
^ Compliance with other aspects of the Manual of Style, or the
Manual of Style mainpage or subpages of the guides listed, is not required for good articles.
^This requirement is significantly weaker than the "comprehensiveness" required of
featured articles; it allows shorter articles, articles that do not cover every major fact or detail, and overviews of large topics.
^Vandalism reversions, proposals to split or merge content, good faith improvements to the page (such as
copy editing), and changes based on reviewers' suggestions do not apply. Nominations for articles that are unstable because of unconstructive editing should be placed on hold.
^Other media, such as video and
sound clips, are also covered by this criterion.
^The presence of images is not, in itself, a requirement. However, if images (or other media) with acceptable copyright status are appropriate and readily available, then some such images should be provided.
(a) it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with
the layout style guideline;
(b)
reliable sources are
cited inline. All content that
could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose);[2]
Thanks. Some queries and suggestions on the prose.
"here she decoyed the American carrier fleet". "here she helped to decoy..."?
"Hyūga participated in
Operation Kita, where she transported
petrol". "when" or "during which" instead of "when"?
"The ship was then reduced to
reserve until she". I am not sure here, but in the UK we would write "the reserve".
"The Ise class was designed as improved versions of the preceding
Fusō class." "an improved version" - class is singular.
"despite the additional weight added." You only need one of additional or added.
"On 29 August, the ship began the first of numerous patrols off the
Siberia coast". Siberian coast or coast of Siberia.
"her No. 5 turret exploded... The turret was deemed not repairable and was removed." A little later: "The ship's No. 5 and No. 6 turrets were replaced by a hangar surmounted by a flight deck." At which point was No. 5 turret removed?
Aichi E16A. It may be worth pointing out at first mention that they are float planes?
Minor: "Hyūga became the flagship of the Fourth Carrier Division, now commanded by the recently promoted
Rear Admiral Matsuda, two days later." reads a bit oddly. Maybe put "two days later at the start?
"Two days later, the 634th Naval Air Group was reassigned to the Second Air Fleet and began flying to bases in Southern
Kyushu, among these were nine D4Ys and a dozen E16As assigned to Ise and Hyūga." A clunky sentence. Possibly break at the comma?
How about a semi-colon instead of the comma?
"were assigned to the Main Body of the
1st Mobile Fleet" Is there any reason why main body is capitalised?
Hackett capitalizes it. It's actually hard to figure out from the sources whether Main Body is a formal sub-division of the 1st Mobile Fleet or just a name for the main force.
"but the battleship is not a primary target." was, not is.
"Fragments from near misses by bombs damage the ship's
anti-torpedo blister". damaged.
Personally I wouls change "(0.99 mi)" to "1 mi)".
"Hyūga was reduced to first-class reserve." Again UK usage would have a "the".
"Kusagawa was one of the over 200 sailors killed and 600 wounded by the attack." Was Kusagawa killed or wounded?
That's fine. More than fine. You resolved everything I consider important, plus a couple of things which I noticed but didn't think serious enough to flag up at GA level, plus a couple I hadn't noticed. It reads very well now I think.
Additional notes
^ Compliance with other aspects of the Manual of Style, or the
Manual of Style mainpage or subpages of the guides listed, is not required for good articles.
^This requirement is significantly weaker than the "comprehensiveness" required of
featured articles; it allows shorter articles, articles that do not cover every major fact or detail, and overviews of large topics.
^Vandalism reversions, proposals to split or merge content, good faith improvements to the page (such as
copy editing), and changes based on reviewers' suggestions do not apply. Nominations for articles that are unstable because of unconstructive editing should be placed on hold.
^Other media, such as video and
sound clips, are also covered by this criterion.
^The presence of images is not, in itself, a requirement. However, if images (or other media) with acceptable copyright status are appropriate and readily available, then some such images should be provided.