![]() | Jamie Beaton has been listed as one of the
Social sciences and society good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: March 19, 2024. ( Reviewed version). |
![]() | A fact from Jamie Beaton appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the
Did you know column on 13 April 2023 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
| ![]() |
This article must adhere to the biographies of living persons (BLP) policy, even if it is not a biography, because it contains material about living persons. Contentious material about living persons that is unsourced or poorly sourced must be removed immediately from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially libellous. If such material is repeatedly inserted, or if you have other concerns, please report the issue to this noticeboard.If you are a subject of this article, or acting on behalf of one, and you need help, please see this help page. |
![]() | This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
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![]() | The following Wikipedia contributor has declared a personal or professional connection to the subject of this article. Relevant policies and guidelines may include
conflict of interest,
autobiography, and
neutral point of view. Their edits to this article were last checked for neutrality on 17 June 2024 by Chocmilk03.
|
The result was: promoted by
Bruxton (
talk) 17:36, 31 March 2023 (UTC)
Created by MaxnaCarta ( talk). Self-nominated at 23:50, 9 January 2023 (UTC).
I think some more attribution as to whom thinks these are the top 25 would be helpful in the hook. theleekycauldron ( talk • contribs) (she/her) 02:15, 9 February 2023 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewing |
Reviewer: Spinixster ( talk · contribs) 01:52, 6 March 2024 (UTC)
This may be a little out of my league, but I'll be reviewing this. Comments are coming shortly, but I'll do the basics first.
Here are my comments.
His mother separated from his father while she was pregnant with Beaton. Beaton's father was not involved in his upbringing. Both parents later remarried.The sentences, especially the latter ones, are quite short and could benefit from being merged.
Beaton's mother separated from his father during her pregnancy and, subsequently, Beaton was raised without his father's involvement; later, both parents remarried.
Beaton joined Young Mensa and became its national coordinator. He also attended King's College on an academic scholarship.I suggest moving the second sentence to the front and clarified that he joined Young Mensa outside of school, per source. Currently, I think the sentences imply that he joined Young Mensa first and attended King's College later. I would also clarify that Young Mensa is a society.
Beaton went on to study and complete six degrees, including a bachelor's degree and master's degree from Harvard University (graduating in 2016) and a DPhil from Oxford University, as a Rhodes Scholar.This sentence is unsourced. I would also clarify what a DPhil is (or just state that it's a Doctor of Philosophy degree instead of an acronym, like the other degrees) and remove brackets so that it's more formal.
He took three years to complete his bachelor's and master's degrees in applied mathematics from Harvard, with the typical time to complete the course being five years.Instead of a separate sentence, you can merge parts of the last sentence with it, ex.
Beaton went on to study and complete six degrees, including a bachelor's degree and master's degree in applied mathematics from Harvard University, which took three years rather than the customary five years, and graduated in 2016.and continue with the other degrees.
He also earned two degrees from Stanford University and he received a master's degree in global affairs from Tsinghua University in Beijing.Remove the second "he" as it's not needed.
He is completing a seventh degree at Yale Law School.Per MOS:REALTIME, I'd say that the information is true as of the source's date, ex.
As of 2022, ...
In 2013, Beaton founded Crimson Education, a company that helps to prepare students for admission to prestigious universities, with Fangzhou Jiang and Sharndre Kushor.
Customers of Crimson Education have reportedly paid tens of thousands of dollars for tutoring services when attempting to gain entry to an Ivy League school.I would also remove "tens of" so that it's more natural.
Crimson Education chose not to comment on the assault claim filed by Beaton. Regarding the litigation, Crimson stated it was not unusual for companies like Crimson to "experience some commercial litigation".Remove "Regarding the litigation" so that it's less repetitive.
After losing the 2020 election, the centre-right New Zealand National Party announced a review into its election campaign, and Beaton sat on the review panel.The sentence is confusing. Try something like
Beaton sat on the review panel of the centre-right New Zealand National Party's election campaign after the party lost the 2020 election.
That's all for now. I'll be putting this review on hold. Spinixster (chat!) 09:38, 6 March 2024 (UTC)
Since founding the firm, Beaton had acquired several other enterprises which operated in partnership with Crimson Education., but the body does not seem to say that Beaton has acquired other enterprises, and per MOS:LEAD the lead should reflect what's in the article. Can this be clarified and/or changed? Spinixster (chat!) 07:35, 16 March 2024 (UTC)
Hello, there are a few issues with this article that I think are worth raising to obtain consensus on:
(1) the article frequently refers to Beaton's Crimson Education as having obtained a "valuation" of certain figures. I think its important that we qualify that these valuations are occurring in the context of Venture Capital funding rounds; these aren't necessarily whole-of-business valuations being made for the purpose of an acquisition. The importance of this is: just because Tiger Management happens to think that 10% of a business is worth $100M, that doesn't mean the business is going to be valued at $100M to the wider market.
Adding the qualifier 'post-money valuation' flags this issue to the reader and avoids misleading them.
(2) Beaton's stake in the business as of 2022 is unclear. I think its worth including a sentence that his present stake in the business is unknown; although his stake in 2016 was around half.
(3) Alot of the attention upon Beaton (especially the media attention) focuses on his numerous amount of credentials from elite universities. I think this is part of what is driving his media interest, the coverage, and hence his notability. I think its worth including a paragraph in the opening to reflect this, reading: "Beaton has received media attention for obtaining an remarkably large number of credentials from various elite international universities. He has obtained degrees from Harvard, Stanford, Tsinghua, a PhD from Oxford, and is studying law at Yale."
What do we think?
Jack4576 ( talk) 03:06, 20 March 2024 (UTC)
(4) Beaton has a doctorate from Oxford, and so I think the article should start "Dr Jamie Beaton" rather than merely 'Jamie Beaton'.
(5) I think we should remove the sentence "According to Beaton, he then applied to 25 of the top universities in the world and received an offer from each", as he is not a RS for this claim.
Thoughts? Jack4576 ( talk) 03:17, 20 March 2024 (UTC)
Hi @ Jack4576 and @ MaxnaCarta: I thought I'd bring the discussion here given there seems to be some disagreement. I personally largely prefer the previous wording of the article, although the substance hasn't changed. In some ways there's not much to choose between them, but given the article has GA status I think making major changes to wording should be discussed on the talk page first, ideally. Some immediate comments:
(1) For the first sentence, I don't think anything was wrong with the previous version (Jamie Beaton is a New Zealand entrepreneur who founded an education mentoring enterprise, Crimson Education, at age 17) except that it didn't link to Crimson Education directly. It seems a bit far to say he is "primarily known" for this as this is arguably our interpretation of the sources (one could arguably say he's equally known for having obtained so many degrees). Crimson Education's role in his life is clear enough from it being the first thing mentioned about him and from the article. I also think it is over-linking to link the common word "company".
(2) The previous version read better to me because the company's valuation was given chronologically, i.e. starting with the lower valuation in 2016 then covering the higher valuation in 2022. I don't necessarily have an issue with giving the NZ$ valuation instead of US$ but it would be good to be consistent with the two valuations.
(3) It is not necessary to add sources to the lead where points are not controversial and covered adequately in the body of the article, see MOS:LEADCITE. It could perhaps be useful to include a citation for the 2022 valuation of the company given that this is quite impressive.
(4) I'm not necessarily opposed to mentioning his multiple degrees in the lead, but the use of the word "obtention" is quite unusual and reads awkwardly. I'm also slightly uncomfortable with the phrasing "elite international institutions" as it's a bit WP:PEACOCK-y.
Cheers, Chocmilk03 ( talk) 21:19, 14 May 2024 (UTC)
![]() | Jamie Beaton has been listed as one of the
Social sciences and society good articles under the
good article criteria. If you can improve it further,
please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
reassess it. Review: March 19, 2024. ( Reviewed version). |
![]() | A fact from Jamie Beaton appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the
Did you know column on 13 April 2023 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
| ![]() |
This article must adhere to the biographies of living persons (BLP) policy, even if it is not a biography, because it contains material about living persons. Contentious material about living persons that is unsourced or poorly sourced must be removed immediately from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially libellous. If such material is repeatedly inserted, or if you have other concerns, please report the issue to this noticeboard.If you are a subject of this article, or acting on behalf of one, and you need help, please see this help page. |
![]() | This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | |||||||||||||||||
|
![]() | The following Wikipedia contributor has declared a personal or professional connection to the subject of this article. Relevant policies and guidelines may include
conflict of interest,
autobiography, and
neutral point of view. Their edits to this article were last checked for neutrality on 17 June 2024 by Chocmilk03.
|
The result was: promoted by
Bruxton (
talk) 17:36, 31 March 2023 (UTC)
Created by MaxnaCarta ( talk). Self-nominated at 23:50, 9 January 2023 (UTC).
I think some more attribution as to whom thinks these are the top 25 would be helpful in the hook. theleekycauldron ( talk • contribs) (she/her) 02:15, 9 February 2023 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Spinixster ( talk · contribs) 01:52, 6 March 2024 (UTC)
This may be a little out of my league, but I'll be reviewing this. Comments are coming shortly, but I'll do the basics first.
Here are my comments.
His mother separated from his father while she was pregnant with Beaton. Beaton's father was not involved in his upbringing. Both parents later remarried.The sentences, especially the latter ones, are quite short and could benefit from being merged.
Beaton's mother separated from his father during her pregnancy and, subsequently, Beaton was raised without his father's involvement; later, both parents remarried.
Beaton joined Young Mensa and became its national coordinator. He also attended King's College on an academic scholarship.I suggest moving the second sentence to the front and clarified that he joined Young Mensa outside of school, per source. Currently, I think the sentences imply that he joined Young Mensa first and attended King's College later. I would also clarify that Young Mensa is a society.
Beaton went on to study and complete six degrees, including a bachelor's degree and master's degree from Harvard University (graduating in 2016) and a DPhil from Oxford University, as a Rhodes Scholar.This sentence is unsourced. I would also clarify what a DPhil is (or just state that it's a Doctor of Philosophy degree instead of an acronym, like the other degrees) and remove brackets so that it's more formal.
He took three years to complete his bachelor's and master's degrees in applied mathematics from Harvard, with the typical time to complete the course being five years.Instead of a separate sentence, you can merge parts of the last sentence with it, ex.
Beaton went on to study and complete six degrees, including a bachelor's degree and master's degree in applied mathematics from Harvard University, which took three years rather than the customary five years, and graduated in 2016.and continue with the other degrees.
He also earned two degrees from Stanford University and he received a master's degree in global affairs from Tsinghua University in Beijing.Remove the second "he" as it's not needed.
He is completing a seventh degree at Yale Law School.Per MOS:REALTIME, I'd say that the information is true as of the source's date, ex.
As of 2022, ...
In 2013, Beaton founded Crimson Education, a company that helps to prepare students for admission to prestigious universities, with Fangzhou Jiang and Sharndre Kushor.
Customers of Crimson Education have reportedly paid tens of thousands of dollars for tutoring services when attempting to gain entry to an Ivy League school.I would also remove "tens of" so that it's more natural.
Crimson Education chose not to comment on the assault claim filed by Beaton. Regarding the litigation, Crimson stated it was not unusual for companies like Crimson to "experience some commercial litigation".Remove "Regarding the litigation" so that it's less repetitive.
After losing the 2020 election, the centre-right New Zealand National Party announced a review into its election campaign, and Beaton sat on the review panel.The sentence is confusing. Try something like
Beaton sat on the review panel of the centre-right New Zealand National Party's election campaign after the party lost the 2020 election.
That's all for now. I'll be putting this review on hold. Spinixster (chat!) 09:38, 6 March 2024 (UTC)
Since founding the firm, Beaton had acquired several other enterprises which operated in partnership with Crimson Education., but the body does not seem to say that Beaton has acquired other enterprises, and per MOS:LEAD the lead should reflect what's in the article. Can this be clarified and/or changed? Spinixster (chat!) 07:35, 16 March 2024 (UTC)
Hello, there are a few issues with this article that I think are worth raising to obtain consensus on:
(1) the article frequently refers to Beaton's Crimson Education as having obtained a "valuation" of certain figures. I think its important that we qualify that these valuations are occurring in the context of Venture Capital funding rounds; these aren't necessarily whole-of-business valuations being made for the purpose of an acquisition. The importance of this is: just because Tiger Management happens to think that 10% of a business is worth $100M, that doesn't mean the business is going to be valued at $100M to the wider market.
Adding the qualifier 'post-money valuation' flags this issue to the reader and avoids misleading them.
(2) Beaton's stake in the business as of 2022 is unclear. I think its worth including a sentence that his present stake in the business is unknown; although his stake in 2016 was around half.
(3) Alot of the attention upon Beaton (especially the media attention) focuses on his numerous amount of credentials from elite universities. I think this is part of what is driving his media interest, the coverage, and hence his notability. I think its worth including a paragraph in the opening to reflect this, reading: "Beaton has received media attention for obtaining an remarkably large number of credentials from various elite international universities. He has obtained degrees from Harvard, Stanford, Tsinghua, a PhD from Oxford, and is studying law at Yale."
What do we think?
Jack4576 ( talk) 03:06, 20 March 2024 (UTC)
(4) Beaton has a doctorate from Oxford, and so I think the article should start "Dr Jamie Beaton" rather than merely 'Jamie Beaton'.
(5) I think we should remove the sentence "According to Beaton, he then applied to 25 of the top universities in the world and received an offer from each", as he is not a RS for this claim.
Thoughts? Jack4576 ( talk) 03:17, 20 March 2024 (UTC)
Hi @ Jack4576 and @ MaxnaCarta: I thought I'd bring the discussion here given there seems to be some disagreement. I personally largely prefer the previous wording of the article, although the substance hasn't changed. In some ways there's not much to choose between them, but given the article has GA status I think making major changes to wording should be discussed on the talk page first, ideally. Some immediate comments:
(1) For the first sentence, I don't think anything was wrong with the previous version (Jamie Beaton is a New Zealand entrepreneur who founded an education mentoring enterprise, Crimson Education, at age 17) except that it didn't link to Crimson Education directly. It seems a bit far to say he is "primarily known" for this as this is arguably our interpretation of the sources (one could arguably say he's equally known for having obtained so many degrees). Crimson Education's role in his life is clear enough from it being the first thing mentioned about him and from the article. I also think it is over-linking to link the common word "company".
(2) The previous version read better to me because the company's valuation was given chronologically, i.e. starting with the lower valuation in 2016 then covering the higher valuation in 2022. I don't necessarily have an issue with giving the NZ$ valuation instead of US$ but it would be good to be consistent with the two valuations.
(3) It is not necessary to add sources to the lead where points are not controversial and covered adequately in the body of the article, see MOS:LEADCITE. It could perhaps be useful to include a citation for the 2022 valuation of the company given that this is quite impressive.
(4) I'm not necessarily opposed to mentioning his multiple degrees in the lead, but the use of the word "obtention" is quite unusual and reads awkwardly. I'm also slightly uncomfortable with the phrasing "elite international institutions" as it's a bit WP:PEACOCK-y.
Cheers, Chocmilk03 ( talk) 21:19, 14 May 2024 (UTC)