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Reviewer: Sasata ( talk · contribs) 22:42, 1 June 2012 (UTC) reply

Hi, I'll claim this review. Will have comments up by the end of this weekend. Sasata ( talk) 22:42, 1 June 2012 (UTC) reply

• Please review my copyedits to ensure I didn't mess things up. Many of these comments are beyond GA level; I'm assuming this will eventually find it's way to FAC (it's close already, IMHO), so perhaps the extra nitpicking may be useful. Sasata ( talk) 06:13, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
  • Eventually is right. The queue is very long. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• Lead
• combine short 1st paragraph with second? (5-paragraph leads are uncommon)
  • Because MOS:LEAD says three or four paragraphs. Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 12:15, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• the text declares that he was the "Sheldon Emery Professor of Organic Chemistry", but it isn't indicated here or later in the article the significance of the title
  • Good question. All I got on Google was a lot of hits on Eric Jacobsen, who is currently occupying the chair. All I know is that it was created in 1925 [1] Hawkeye7 ( talk) 12:15, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• "He dispensed with a number of customs, including class rankings and the requirement for Latin" Latin classes or speaking Latin? (another instance in the "President of Harvard" section)
  • Explained it in detail in the main; do you think it requires more in the lead? Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
    • I'd change the "the requirement for Latin" to "the requirement for Latin classes" in the lead for clarity. Sasata ( talk) 20:11, 9 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• possibly useful links: co-educational; atomic bombs; German sovereignty
• Early life
• link photoengraver
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 12:15, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• could you give some specific examples of the drugs they were making at LPC Laboratories?
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 12:15, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• Chemistry professor
• I understand there's some complexities involved with converting older dollar values to current values, but it would be useful if there some kind of measure of how large his 1927 salary offer was. Same applies for the 2,500 marks that appears later.
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• "He also published three papers describing experiments in which he polymerized isoprene to create synthetic rubber." consider adding the underlined
  • Of course, if he had thought of seeing what happened if he substituted ethylene for isoprene, he would have really been on to something. But for some reason, the idea never occurred to him. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 12:15, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• link royalties
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• President of Harvard
• "However he chose to do so only sporadically." He chose what? To stick his neck out? To make progress?
  • Re-worded. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• link tenure
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• "lower class students" hyphen required?
• who are Henry Chauncey and William Bender?
  • Added a bit. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• "15 per cent quota" -> "percent" in Am. Eng. (another instance later too)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• link MIT, honorary degree,
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:35, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• "Hanfstaengl wrote out a check for 2,500 marks to Conant for a scholarship." I'm not quite parsing this sentence correctly; is the implication that Hanfstaengl gave money to Conant to fund a scholarship to be awarded to some worthy student, but the money was tainted because of Hanfstaengl's Nazi sympathies? Later, in 1936, "Conant turned it down" … what did he turn down? Hanfstaengl's offer?
  • Yes, you understood correctly. Added some details to make it clearer. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• "without a hitch" idiomatic, not encyclopedic language
  • Re-worded. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• "… despite the presence of Franklin D. Roosevelt of the class of 1904, whom many Harvard graduates regarded as a socialist and a class traitor." Just to clarify I'm understanding this correctly, the Harvard graduates thought that the then-President of the United States was a socialist and class traitor?
  • Yes. Is that unusual in some way? Hawkeye7 ( talk) 21:39, 5 June 2012 (UTC) reply
    • I'm not terribly familiar with US history, so the Harvard anti-Roosevelt sentiment is new to me; your clarification in the article helps assure me I was reading it correctly. Sasata ( talk) 20:11, 9 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• link patent law
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• Cold War
• "… and Conant called for a ban on Communist teachers." Communist teachers or teachers of Communism? (Maybe they're equivalent?)
  • I thought it was clear enough, but re-worded. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• link denominational school
  • There's an article on that? Gazooks! Linked. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• High Commissioner
• "Conant decided to retire in September 1953" Did he just make the decision, or did he actually retire that month?
  • Re-worded to make this clearer. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• perhaps link defence spending (and should be spelled "defense" for AE)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• bargaining chip->idiomatic
• How about calling "Publications" "Selected publication", as none of his journal articles are listed. Are there any articles that are especially significant or highly cited and might be worthy of inclusion in this list?
  • Changed to Bibliography per MOS:BIO. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
    • The footnote indicating where a complete list may be found is a good solution. Sasata ( talk) 20:11, 9 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• References
• accessdate not required for print sources, nor publisher for journals
• no volume # for Giangreco, 1997 or Saltzman, 2003?
  • Done Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply
• As a general comment on the mostly excellent prose, many sentences employ a structure where "which" is used as a pronoun to refer to a whole idea or phrase. If you highlight all occurrences of this word using your browser, you might agree it is a little overused, and the text might flow better if the occurrences in some dense patches were reduced.
• the duplicate links tool shows some links that could be trimmed; one dablink is present
  • Done. Hawkeye7 ( talk) 11:55, 6 June 2012 (UTC) reply

Hawkeye, the changes look great. Images all are properly licensed, and all of the other GA criteria are met. Am promoting the article now. Sasata ( talk) 20:11, 9 June 2012 (UTC) reply