She spent the first 29 years of he working career as a music teacher - he? I think you mean "her"
Done
In 2011, after a decline in her health in prison, Hudson died from multiple myeloma. - please add her age at the end of this sentence like, Hudson died from multiple myeloma at the age of xx.
Done
Born Jacqueline Marie Hudson in Saginaw, Michigan[1], she was the youngest of two children.[2] -> Born as Jacqueline Marie Hudson in Saginaw, Michigan[1], she was the youngest of two children.[2]
DoneThe wording sounds strange but I will go with it.
At age 18, in 1952, she decided to join the Dominican Order -> At the age of 18, in 1952, she decided to join the Dominican Order.
Done
Roman Catholic junior high schools in Michigan - need comma after Michigan.
Done
She was a member of the Dominican Order for 58 years - I can get a flow which should be there in good prose. This doesn't fit with what was there in the previous sentence. Perhaps a re-phrase would do it like; She had been a member of Dominican Order for 58 years (till her death) - I don't know that was she a member of it till her death or not so I'm not quite sure but if she was then do include :)
I changed it to For 58 years, until her death, she was a member of the Dominican Order. She never quit being a nun.
an Occupy Seattle protester, cited - remove the comma
Done
protesting even when things got hard - should this be under "" if these words were by her otherwise re-phrase is needed to something like, protesting even when things don't go well.
I added her direct quote
because of what she found she subsequently focused her ministry on peace and protesting nuclear proliferation - need comma after "found"
Done
sneaking onto - please choose a different phrase or word. This doesn't sound like an encyclopedia to some extent.
painting "Christ lives, Disarm" on the side - on the side of what? bunker? I need to be clarified as it is not that clear to me. If it is bunker, this should do the trick; "on the side of it."
Done
right thing and living out her faith because -> right thing and living out her faith, and stated that
Done
Sisters Carol Gilbert and Ardeth Platte - "Sisters" or "sisters"?
Done
snuck onto - ah..remove this and use some other phrase or word.
This one I will resist changing. The wording here sounds so much better than the alternatives. --
Guerillero |
My Talk 07:51, 24 August 2012 (UTC)reply
held in a federal prison until the charges were dropped - why were the charges dropped?
The sources do not say, sorry. Found the official reason and Gilbert's reasoning.
She spent the first 29 years of he working career as a music teacher - he? I think you mean "her"
Done
In 2011, after a decline in her health in prison, Hudson died from multiple myeloma. - please add her age at the end of this sentence like, Hudson died from multiple myeloma at the age of xx.
Done
Born Jacqueline Marie Hudson in Saginaw, Michigan[1], she was the youngest of two children.[2] -> Born as Jacqueline Marie Hudson in Saginaw, Michigan[1], she was the youngest of two children.[2]
DoneThe wording sounds strange but I will go with it.
At age 18, in 1952, she decided to join the Dominican Order -> At the age of 18, in 1952, she decided to join the Dominican Order.
Done
Roman Catholic junior high schools in Michigan - need comma after Michigan.
Done
She was a member of the Dominican Order for 58 years - I can get a flow which should be there in good prose. This doesn't fit with what was there in the previous sentence. Perhaps a re-phrase would do it like; She had been a member of Dominican Order for 58 years (till her death) - I don't know that was she a member of it till her death or not so I'm not quite sure but if she was then do include :)
I changed it to For 58 years, until her death, she was a member of the Dominican Order. She never quit being a nun.
an Occupy Seattle protester, cited - remove the comma
Done
protesting even when things got hard - should this be under "" if these words were by her otherwise re-phrase is needed to something like, protesting even when things don't go well.
I added her direct quote
because of what she found she subsequently focused her ministry on peace and protesting nuclear proliferation - need comma after "found"
Done
sneaking onto - please choose a different phrase or word. This doesn't sound like an encyclopedia to some extent.
painting "Christ lives, Disarm" on the side - on the side of what? bunker? I need to be clarified as it is not that clear to me. If it is bunker, this should do the trick; "on the side of it."
Done
right thing and living out her faith because -> right thing and living out her faith, and stated that
Done
Sisters Carol Gilbert and Ardeth Platte - "Sisters" or "sisters"?
Done
snuck onto - ah..remove this and use some other phrase or word.
This one I will resist changing. The wording here sounds so much better than the alternatives. --
Guerillero |
My Talk 07:51, 24 August 2012 (UTC)reply
held in a federal prison until the charges were dropped - why were the charges dropped?
The sources do not say, sorry. Found the official reason and Gilbert's reasoning.