"In half century following the invention of the fundamental machine tools the machine industry would become the largest segment of the economy, by value added, in the U.S." - a lone sentence, should be merged into another paragraph. Also, it needs a citation.--
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"Canals were the first technology to allow bulk materials to be easily transported across the country, coal being a common commodity. A single canal horse could pull a load dozens of times larger than a cart at a faster pace.[68][69]" - which country? Britain? This should be merged into the next paragraph as well. Actually, this sentence would be an excellent intro for the section: "Britain's canal network, together with its surviving mill buildings, is one of the most enduring features of the early Industrial Revolution to be seen in Britain."--
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
This sentence - "The Industrial Revolution led to a population increase but the chances of surviving childhood did not improve throughout the Industrial Revolution, although infant mortality rates were reduced markedly." - conflicts with this one in a later section: "During the Industrial Revolution, the life expectancy of children increased dramatically." The second sentence mentioned here should be changed to the life expectancy of infants, as that is what the paragraph bears out.--
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"But it is also pointed out by many researchers, with its Sillon industriel, 'Especially in the Haine, Sambre and Meuse valleys, between the Borinage and Liège, (...) there was a huge industrial development based on coal-mining and iron-making...'.[114]" - I found this confusing. There is a use of possessive phrase, but I don't know who did the possessing. What had Sillon industriel? The researchers?--
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"There were two main values that really drove the industrial revolution in Britain. These values were self-interest and an entrepreneurial spirit." - Sloppy wording, and no source attributed to the statement. Perhaps something like "The values of self-interest and entrepreneurial spirit are considered the driving force of the industrial revolution in Britain." This also needs to be explained by providing examples.--
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
The lead section for this article should not need citations. Everything mentioned in the lead should be discussed in more detail in the article body. If there is anything in the lead which is not discussed in the article body, it needs to be elaborated within the article, all the citations provided there, and the lead will merely summarize that content.
Citation format is inconsistent in the citation list, and some are incomplete or otherwise incorrect. For instance: Ludwig Fritz Haber, The chemical industry during the nineteenth century (1958) (missing page numbers); "Industrial Revolution," New World Encyclopedia, <
http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Industrial_Revolution> (bare url); The Industrial Revolution by Pat Hudson, pg. 198. Books.google.com. 1992. (not consistent with format, missing info). There are many more instances like those which I just mentioned.--
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03:10, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
Licensing checks out. Some needed to be updated for US use, and I took that into my own hands as it is a minor issue and won't bias my review. There seems to have been a legal dispute involving images taken from the
National Portrait Gallery, London, including the
James Watt image used in this article, but that dispute seems to have fizzled out, and use of the image is within Wikimedia policy.--
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20:44, 3 January 2015 (UTC)reply
First off, this sentence is brilliant: "...the region geared up to become the 2nd industrial power in the world after Britain." Nice pun, that. Second, I'm slowly slogging through this one. It's a very large article, so it will take me quite a while (as the timestamps on my signatures suggest).--
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
The nominator contacted me on my talk page and asked for some time to work on this article, as they have a project they are working on. I have granted this request, as they have already edited some of this article based on my feedback, which indicates that they are serious about getting this review passed. As long as they are committed to working on this article, I do not mind granting them extra time to work on it.--
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16:21, 12 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"In half century following the invention of the fundamental machine tools the machine industry would become the largest segment of the economy, by value added, in the U.S." - a lone sentence, should be merged into another paragraph. Also, it needs a citation.--
3family6 (
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"Canals were the first technology to allow bulk materials to be easily transported across the country, coal being a common commodity. A single canal horse could pull a load dozens of times larger than a cart at a faster pace.[68][69]" - which country? Britain? This should be merged into the next paragraph as well. Actually, this sentence would be an excellent intro for the section: "Britain's canal network, together with its surviving mill buildings, is one of the most enduring features of the early Industrial Revolution to be seen in Britain."--
3family6 (
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
This sentence - "The Industrial Revolution led to a population increase but the chances of surviving childhood did not improve throughout the Industrial Revolution, although infant mortality rates were reduced markedly." - conflicts with this one in a later section: "During the Industrial Revolution, the life expectancy of children increased dramatically." The second sentence mentioned here should be changed to the life expectancy of infants, as that is what the paragraph bears out.--
3family6 (
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"But it is also pointed out by many researchers, with its Sillon industriel, 'Especially in the Haine, Sambre and Meuse valleys, between the Borinage and Liège, (...) there was a huge industrial development based on coal-mining and iron-making...'.[114]" - I found this confusing. There is a use of possessive phrase, but I don't know who did the possessing. What had Sillon industriel? The researchers?--
3family6 (
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
"There were two main values that really drove the industrial revolution in Britain. These values were self-interest and an entrepreneurial spirit." - Sloppy wording, and no source attributed to the statement. Perhaps something like "The values of self-interest and entrepreneurial spirit are considered the driving force of the industrial revolution in Britain." This also needs to be explained by providing examples.--
3family6 (
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
The lead section for this article should not need citations. Everything mentioned in the lead should be discussed in more detail in the article body. If there is anything in the lead which is not discussed in the article body, it needs to be elaborated within the article, all the citations provided there, and the lead will merely summarize that content.
Citation format is inconsistent in the citation list, and some are incomplete or otherwise incorrect. For instance: Ludwig Fritz Haber, The chemical industry during the nineteenth century (1958) (missing page numbers); "Industrial Revolution," New World Encyclopedia, <
http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Industrial_Revolution> (bare url); The Industrial Revolution by Pat Hudson, pg. 198. Books.google.com. 1992. (not consistent with format, missing info). There are many more instances like those which I just mentioned.--
3family6 (
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03:10, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
Licensing checks out. Some needed to be updated for US use, and I took that into my own hands as it is a minor issue and won't bias my review. There seems to have been a legal dispute involving images taken from the
National Portrait Gallery, London, including the
James Watt image used in this article, but that dispute seems to have fizzled out, and use of the image is within Wikimedia policy.--
3family6 (
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20:44, 3 January 2015 (UTC)reply
First off, this sentence is brilliant: "...the region geared up to become the 2nd industrial power in the world after Britain." Nice pun, that. Second, I'm slowly slogging through this one. It's a very large article, so it will take me quite a while (as the timestamps on my signatures suggest).--
3family6 (
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01:26, 8 January 2015 (UTC)reply
The nominator contacted me on my talk page and asked for some time to work on this article, as they have a project they are working on. I have granted this request, as they have already edited some of this article based on my feedback, which indicates that they are serious about getting this review passed. As long as they are committed to working on this article, I do not mind granting them extra time to work on it.--
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16:21, 12 January 2015 (UTC)reply