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Reviewer: Moswento ( talk · contribs) 17:29, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
Firstly, kudos for working on an under-represented GA topic area. Generally, a good article that covers the topic in appropriate depth. However, I have some queries and comments about the text and references, which I've put below.
*The second sentence is currently very long and would be easier to follow broken up rather than as one long list.
*"After the end of the Second World War, motorcycle engineer Norbert Riedel concluded " - this makes it sound like Riedel was prompted to build the bike because of something that happened in the Second World War. Perhaps give the Second World War less prominence in the sentence, and substitute "concluded", e.g. "Motorcycle engineer Norbert Riedel began to design the Imme R100 after the Second World War, realising the need for..." or similar
*"Riedel then developed the engine" - can you be more specific about the 'then'? Was this the same year?
*Sentence beginning "The power output of the engine" could be split, probably after "at the time"
*The citations in that sentence could be streamlined too - e.g. just to have FN2 & 5 at the end of "at the time", and not to include FN3 at that point (unless it's absolutely needed)
*Does the sentence "The engine and transmission were mounted..." really need 4 footnotes? It's not a particularly controversial statement, so choosing the one or two best refs would be fine. Same goes for two other sentences in the same paragraph
*"gave the appearance of a "power egg"" - this could be rephrased; currently sounds very odd as there is no such thing as a "power egg"
*This section contains a lot about production, as well as reception. I wouldn't necessarily suggest splitting the material, but perhaps rename to "Production and reception"?
*"It is widely believed that the name "Imme"" - sounds like original research, needs a cite for this sentence if not
*"or from the engine sounding like a buzzing bee" - I couldn't find this in the source. I may have missed it, of course.
"The Imme’s 98cc engine is a simple piston port two-stroke engine producing 4.5hp. Using a three-speed gearbox, the little machine can accelerate easily to a speed of 50mph. Under full load, the little engine hums like a feisty bee, hence the logo on the tank." – Kruger, Ralf (1/16/2012). "Outstanding German two-strokes we shouldn't forget: Part Four, the 1950s". Ed Youngblood's MotoHistory – Ed Youngblood's News & Views – January 2012 Archive. Inverness, FL USA. 5th article down, 5th paragraph down in the article (not including the Editor's Note). Retrieved 2012-02-26.
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*"made it popular in the marketplace." - this sounds like sales language, especially due to the repetition, which doesn't really add anything. Would be good to rephrase, possibly splitting the sentence into two.
*Just a suggestion, but I would personally switch the Fend Flitzer and the ZMG paragraphs so that the latter comes first.
*Again just a suggestion, but I think the quotation would have more impact inline, after the relevant text (i.e. Ultan Guilfoyle, curatorial adviser, said...)
*Ref 1 - As far as I can tell, this is a classified advert, which would not be a reliable source
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Reviewer: Moswento ( talk · contribs) 17:29, 23 January 2013 (UTC)
Firstly, kudos for working on an under-represented GA topic area. Generally, a good article that covers the topic in appropriate depth. However, I have some queries and comments about the text and references, which I've put below.
*The second sentence is currently very long and would be easier to follow broken up rather than as one long list.
*"After the end of the Second World War, motorcycle engineer Norbert Riedel concluded " - this makes it sound like Riedel was prompted to build the bike because of something that happened in the Second World War. Perhaps give the Second World War less prominence in the sentence, and substitute "concluded", e.g. "Motorcycle engineer Norbert Riedel began to design the Imme R100 after the Second World War, realising the need for..." or similar
*"Riedel then developed the engine" - can you be more specific about the 'then'? Was this the same year?
*Sentence beginning "The power output of the engine" could be split, probably after "at the time"
*The citations in that sentence could be streamlined too - e.g. just to have FN2 & 5 at the end of "at the time", and not to include FN3 at that point (unless it's absolutely needed)
*Does the sentence "The engine and transmission were mounted..." really need 4 footnotes? It's not a particularly controversial statement, so choosing the one or two best refs would be fine. Same goes for two other sentences in the same paragraph
*"gave the appearance of a "power egg"" - this could be rephrased; currently sounds very odd as there is no such thing as a "power egg"
*This section contains a lot about production, as well as reception. I wouldn't necessarily suggest splitting the material, but perhaps rename to "Production and reception"?
*"It is widely believed that the name "Imme"" - sounds like original research, needs a cite for this sentence if not
*"or from the engine sounding like a buzzing bee" - I couldn't find this in the source. I may have missed it, of course.
"The Imme’s 98cc engine is a simple piston port two-stroke engine producing 4.5hp. Using a three-speed gearbox, the little machine can accelerate easily to a speed of 50mph. Under full load, the little engine hums like a feisty bee, hence the logo on the tank." – Kruger, Ralf (1/16/2012). "Outstanding German two-strokes we shouldn't forget: Part Four, the 1950s". Ed Youngblood's MotoHistory – Ed Youngblood's News & Views – January 2012 Archive. Inverness, FL USA. 5th article down, 5th paragraph down in the article (not including the Editor's Note). Retrieved 2012-02-26.
{{ cite web}}
: Check date values in:|date=
( help); External link in( help)
|work=
*"made it popular in the marketplace." - this sounds like sales language, especially due to the repetition, which doesn't really add anything. Would be good to rephrase, possibly splitting the sentence into two.
*Just a suggestion, but I would personally switch the Fend Flitzer and the ZMG paragraphs so that the latter comes first.
*Again just a suggestion, but I think the quotation would have more impact inline, after the relevant text (i.e. Ultan Guilfoyle, curatorial adviser, said...)
*Ref 1 - As far as I can tell, this is a classified advert, which would not be a reliable source