"and he finished second in walks plus hits per inning pitched (WHIP) (1.051) and seventh in wins (16)." → "and he finished second with a 1.051
walks plus hits per inning pitched (WHIP) as well as seventh in wins (16)."
Since it's the only team he played for and he only played in one season, I think you can drop the (1955) in the header; that's more to serve as a guide for players who had 20-year careers for 8 different clubs or something like that
You don't need to mention "until 1958" in the first sentence, as that's mentioned later, and it's more logical to put at the end
Removed and merged with second sentence (since the opening sentence of just "Cohen went back to the minor leagues" would read awkwardly). —
Bloom6132 (
talk)
23:48, 29 August 2021 (UTC)reply
Awkward flow here – I would move everythingi up to "Hall of Fame" into the first paragraph, since that all concerns his educational experience, and drop the square dancing thing, which is tangential at best
"and had been diagnosed with COVID-19 during the COVID-19 pandemic in California several months before his death along with suffering physical issues." → "He had contracted the
COVID-19 virus months before his ultimate death, and had continued to suffer health issues from the virus even after his supposed recovery."
Only one image is present; it's public domain and obviously relevant to the article
No concerns with stability, the last edit was on May 6
Copyvio score looks good, the only reason one is at 11.5% is because of proper nouns
Some MOS stuff, as well as prose that I think can be tightened or moved around. Putting on hold to allow nominator to address comments. — GhostRiver21:42, 25 August 2021 (UTC)reply
"and he finished second in walks plus hits per inning pitched (WHIP) (1.051) and seventh in wins (16)." → "and he finished second with a 1.051
walks plus hits per inning pitched (WHIP) as well as seventh in wins (16)."
Since it's the only team he played for and he only played in one season, I think you can drop the (1955) in the header; that's more to serve as a guide for players who had 20-year careers for 8 different clubs or something like that
You don't need to mention "until 1958" in the first sentence, as that's mentioned later, and it's more logical to put at the end
Removed and merged with second sentence (since the opening sentence of just "Cohen went back to the minor leagues" would read awkwardly). —
Bloom6132 (
talk)
23:48, 29 August 2021 (UTC)reply
Awkward flow here – I would move everythingi up to "Hall of Fame" into the first paragraph, since that all concerns his educational experience, and drop the square dancing thing, which is tangential at best
"and had been diagnosed with COVID-19 during the COVID-19 pandemic in California several months before his death along with suffering physical issues." → "He had contracted the
COVID-19 virus months before his ultimate death, and had continued to suffer health issues from the virus even after his supposed recovery."
Only one image is present; it's public domain and obviously relevant to the article
No concerns with stability, the last edit was on May 6
Copyvio score looks good, the only reason one is at 11.5% is because of proper nouns
Some MOS stuff, as well as prose that I think can be tightened or moved around. Putting on hold to allow nominator to address comments. — GhostRiver21:42, 25 August 2021 (UTC)reply