Lenny formed on November 13 in the western Caribbean, and for its entire duration maintained an unprecedented west-to-east track – the ", and for its entire duration maintained" part doesn't flow well to me in relation to the rest of the sentence. You could add an "it" before "maintained," but why not simply ", and maintained an unprecedented west-to-east track for its entire duration"?
I mean that it flows poorly. Something like "It attained hurricane status to the south of Jamaica on November 15, and passed south of Hispaniola and Puerto Rico over the next few days" reads better.
Auree ★21:00, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
Lenny killed two people in northern Colombia from high surf – How does something kill someone "from" something else?
Impact - Comments about the MH and preparations sections have been given and addressed off-wiki, so I'll continue here:
One thing I noticed throughout is that on several occasions the article refers to the precipitation totals from Lenny as "record rainfall," but never does it clarify why they are in fact regarded as such.
across the nation the hurricane's impact was worse than from Hurricane Luis four years prior. – Maybe "[...] the hurricane's impact was worse than that from Hurricane Luis"?
In western Grenada, high waves affected much of the coastline, destroying 21 small boats, as well as causing significant beach erosion. → "[...] high waves affected much of the coastline, destroying 21 small boats and causing significant beach erosion."
Similar problem as above here "In Saint John Parish, the storm knocked out the water and power supply, as well as forcing several families to evacuate their damaged houses." Avoid using the "as well as + -ing" verb form for list-like fragments.
For an impact section as thorough and captivating as this one, a closing sentence like "Effects from the storm reached as far south as Tobago" feels inadequate. I want to know more! :( What were the effects in Tobago? Any info at all would be awesome.
Auree ★18:22, 13 October 2011 (UTC)reply
On November 23, U.S. President Bill Clinton declared the U.S. Virgin Islands as a disaster area, which allocated the territory for federal funding for loans to public and private entities, as well as providing 75% of the cost of debris removal. – I've read this sentence over and over, and each time I come up with a slightly different meaning. Clarification and some tightening would be great.
When I read "The Dominican government," I think of the Dominican Republic. How about "The government of Dominica" to avoid similar confusion among readers? Btw, the sentence it's in is a bit verbose.
Reference 44 contains a dead link. Moreover, I question the reliability of the website
Australian Severe Weather as a source, which has been used as such on at least one other occasion in the article (reference 43). I think it's best to remove both of these entirely and possibly find more reliable sources as replacements.
Ref 44 opens fine for me. I used that source because it contained useful information. Although I realize GP cited ReliefWeb, I could not find where he got the info. However, GP sources have been used for FA's, seeing as he has also been cited by the NOAA, so the source has been determined to be reliable. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
20:51, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
But I wasn't even talking about GP being reliable or not; I was talking about Australian Severe Weather. It looks like a forum/blog-esque site to me.
Auree ★21:00, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
Ooh, I gotcha. Yea, the AUS Severe Weather just has a reproduction of GP's summary. Several sites have it, and that is the one I typically use. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
02:46, 13 October 2011 (UTC)reply
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
This is probably the best quality the article has to offer. Excellent coverage!
One minor quibble though: Should it mention why the WMO retired Lenny? I'm not quite sure readers will understand why it was retired, or even what retirement is without the elaboration. I also think there's a wikilink for tropical cyclone name retirement, though I'm not too sure.
I didn't want to do too much original research, but adding "due to the damage" stuff I think should be sufficient. As for what retirement is, I think it's clear enough with "will never again be used for an Atlantic hurricane". That's all retirement. I added the link. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
20:51, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
Pass since it meets all of the criteria appreciably, aside from one that reference being a tad ambiguous qua reliability. I won't hold up the review because of it, since it's only one source for a very short sentence and the article would easily pass without it. Good work!
Auree ★23:24, 13 October 2011 (UTC)reply
Lenny formed on November 13 in the western Caribbean, and for its entire duration maintained an unprecedented west-to-east track – the ", and for its entire duration maintained" part doesn't flow well to me in relation to the rest of the sentence. You could add an "it" before "maintained," but why not simply ", and maintained an unprecedented west-to-east track for its entire duration"?
I mean that it flows poorly. Something like "It attained hurricane status to the south of Jamaica on November 15, and passed south of Hispaniola and Puerto Rico over the next few days" reads better.
Auree ★21:00, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
Lenny killed two people in northern Colombia from high surf – How does something kill someone "from" something else?
Impact - Comments about the MH and preparations sections have been given and addressed off-wiki, so I'll continue here:
One thing I noticed throughout is that on several occasions the article refers to the precipitation totals from Lenny as "record rainfall," but never does it clarify why they are in fact regarded as such.
across the nation the hurricane's impact was worse than from Hurricane Luis four years prior. – Maybe "[...] the hurricane's impact was worse than that from Hurricane Luis"?
In western Grenada, high waves affected much of the coastline, destroying 21 small boats, as well as causing significant beach erosion. → "[...] high waves affected much of the coastline, destroying 21 small boats and causing significant beach erosion."
Similar problem as above here "In Saint John Parish, the storm knocked out the water and power supply, as well as forcing several families to evacuate their damaged houses." Avoid using the "as well as + -ing" verb form for list-like fragments.
For an impact section as thorough and captivating as this one, a closing sentence like "Effects from the storm reached as far south as Tobago" feels inadequate. I want to know more! :( What were the effects in Tobago? Any info at all would be awesome.
Auree ★18:22, 13 October 2011 (UTC)reply
On November 23, U.S. President Bill Clinton declared the U.S. Virgin Islands as a disaster area, which allocated the territory for federal funding for loans to public and private entities, as well as providing 75% of the cost of debris removal. – I've read this sentence over and over, and each time I come up with a slightly different meaning. Clarification and some tightening would be great.
When I read "The Dominican government," I think of the Dominican Republic. How about "The government of Dominica" to avoid similar confusion among readers? Btw, the sentence it's in is a bit verbose.
Reference 44 contains a dead link. Moreover, I question the reliability of the website
Australian Severe Weather as a source, which has been used as such on at least one other occasion in the article (reference 43). I think it's best to remove both of these entirely and possibly find more reliable sources as replacements.
Ref 44 opens fine for me. I used that source because it contained useful information. Although I realize GP cited ReliefWeb, I could not find where he got the info. However, GP sources have been used for FA's, seeing as he has also been cited by the NOAA, so the source has been determined to be reliable. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
20:51, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
But I wasn't even talking about GP being reliable or not; I was talking about Australian Severe Weather. It looks like a forum/blog-esque site to me.
Auree ★21:00, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
Ooh, I gotcha. Yea, the AUS Severe Weather just has a reproduction of GP's summary. Several sites have it, and that is the one I typically use. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
02:46, 13 October 2011 (UTC)reply
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
This is probably the best quality the article has to offer. Excellent coverage!
One minor quibble though: Should it mention why the WMO retired Lenny? I'm not quite sure readers will understand why it was retired, or even what retirement is without the elaboration. I also think there's a wikilink for tropical cyclone name retirement, though I'm not too sure.
I didn't want to do too much original research, but adding "due to the damage" stuff I think should be sufficient. As for what retirement is, I think it's clear enough with "will never again be used for an Atlantic hurricane". That's all retirement. I added the link. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
20:51, 12 October 2011 (UTC)reply
Pass since it meets all of the criteria appreciably, aside from one that reference being a tad ambiguous qua reliability. I won't hold up the review because of it, since it's only one source for a very short sentence and the article would easily pass without it. Good work!
Auree ★23:24, 13 October 2011 (UTC)reply