The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Nominator: Hurricanehink ( talk · contribs) 04:32, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Dylan620 ( talk · contribs) 22:09, 17 May 2024 (UTC)
I have this article watchlisted and have been noticing the nominator's work on it; looking forward to reviewing, which I should be able to begin within the next few days. Dylan620 (he/him • talk • edits) 22:09, 17 May 2024 (UTC)
In Mexico, the hurricane...)
The origins of Hilary was– either 'origin' or 'were'
By the time of its peak, Hilary commenced a 48 hour period of intensification following its development.– the phrasing here seems to imply that Hilary continued to intensify after it peaked in intensity. Maybe something like "by the time of its peak, Hilary had been rapidly intensifying for a continuous 48-hour period following its formation"?
The combined system, which included the remnants of Hilary continued moving through the western United States, eventually crossing into Canada.– this is a little clunky. I'd add a comma after 'Hilary', replace the one after 'States' with an 'and', and replace 'crossing' with 'crossed'.
The first issued a flood watch on August 17– the first what?
by President Joe Biden, and Biden urged– 'and Biden' -> 'who'
Local states of emergency were declared in Los Angeles, Palm Springs, and in Indio– I don't think the second 'in' is necessary.
strong enough to knock down a few treesappears twice a couple sentences apart.
beneficial with helping extinguish-> "beneficial, helping to extinguish"
|lang=es
added as parameters.|url-access=limited
added as parameters, since the sites hosting those sources allow visitors to access only a certain amount of content before requiring payment.Alright, with the latest changes, I am happy to pass this article. Excellent work again, HH. Dylan620 (he/him • talk • edits) 22:20, 21 May 2024 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Article (
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history) ·
Watch
Nominator: Hurricanehink ( talk · contribs) 04:32, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Dylan620 ( talk · contribs) 22:09, 17 May 2024 (UTC)
I have this article watchlisted and have been noticing the nominator's work on it; looking forward to reviewing, which I should be able to begin within the next few days. Dylan620 (he/him • talk • edits) 22:09, 17 May 2024 (UTC)
In Mexico, the hurricane...)
The origins of Hilary was– either 'origin' or 'were'
By the time of its peak, Hilary commenced a 48 hour period of intensification following its development.– the phrasing here seems to imply that Hilary continued to intensify after it peaked in intensity. Maybe something like "by the time of its peak, Hilary had been rapidly intensifying for a continuous 48-hour period following its formation"?
The combined system, which included the remnants of Hilary continued moving through the western United States, eventually crossing into Canada.– this is a little clunky. I'd add a comma after 'Hilary', replace the one after 'States' with an 'and', and replace 'crossing' with 'crossed'.
The first issued a flood watch on August 17– the first what?
by President Joe Biden, and Biden urged– 'and Biden' -> 'who'
Local states of emergency were declared in Los Angeles, Palm Springs, and in Indio– I don't think the second 'in' is necessary.
strong enough to knock down a few treesappears twice a couple sentences apart.
beneficial with helping extinguish-> "beneficial, helping to extinguish"
|lang=es
added as parameters.|url-access=limited
added as parameters, since the sites hosting those sources allow visitors to access only a certain amount of content before requiring payment.Alright, with the latest changes, I am happy to pass this article. Excellent work again, HH. Dylan620 (he/him • talk • edits) 22:20, 21 May 2024 (UTC)