"southwestern Caribbean on November 8 after two tropical waves enhanced convection around in area of disturbed weather." I'd change "in" to "an" since "around in" sounds weird.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Yea, I barely touched the lede, my bad. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
A few of the sentences in the lead could be better. " When Gordon affected Jamaica, it caused $11.8 million in damage and four deaths." to " Upon affecting Jamaica, it was responsible $11.8 million in damage and four deaths."
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
That works. Originally that sentence was longer, but I changed it due to using similar wording later on. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"There were 1,122 deaths in the country, partially due to deforested hills, and damage was estimated at $50 million. There were five deaths in neighboring Dominican Republic. In Cuba, Gordon caused $100 million in damage, and 5,906 houses were damaged or destroyed. " you start back to back sentences with there, kinda weird IMO.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"In Florida, the storm caused $400 million in damage, much of it agricultural, and there were eleven deaths, eight of them direct" infobox those not mention any indirect deaths.
YEPacificHurricane
"on November 10 it intensified into Tropical Storm Gordon after reaching open waters. " comma after 10.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"The circulation of the cyclone was initially very broad, covering much of the western Caribbean Sea," wikilink "circulation" to
atmospheric circulation.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"On November 19, the storm turned to the southwest and later to the west, and Gordon weakened into a tropical depression before striking Florida again near Cape Canaveral on November 20. " I'd break up this sentence; it is a little long IMO.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"n the mainland, two universities were also closed.[12]" which two?
Eh, is it that notable? They are included in the newspaper article, but I thought it was kinda trivial. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
I think so, universities I'd say are fairly important, there areas large as decent sized cities in some cases.
YEPacificHurricane 02:41, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"The high death toll from Gordon made it the deadliest hurricane since Hurricane David in 1979," mention it was the ATL. Also, just noticed the the EPAC had a near 3,00 dead storm during that time.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"At Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, a station recorded 69 mph (111 km/h) sustained winds, with gusts to 120 mph (190 km/h) during a microburst; the winds were not representative of the storm, and Gordon's landfall intensity was estimated at around 46 mph (74 km/h).[1] " I'd squeeze a "however" in here somewhere.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Meh, it's pretty long as it is. I split it. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Yea, I was going to suggest that, but I did not want to give you too many comments.
YEPacificHurricane 02:41, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"was halted after the engine failed, the anchor was ripped off, and the mainstay was torn.[44] " shouldn't there be a semicolon after "failed" not a comma.
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
No, it's a combination of events. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"Aftermath and lack of retirement". Why is the words "lack of retirement" in the section header?
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
That's a pretty significant thing that didn't happen, given the death toll. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
How come we have a 1 sentence aftermath in the lead?
YEPacificHurricane 22:45, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Agreed, thought we include it for retired storms. 02:41, 12 April 2013 (UTC)
" In response, agencies through the United Nations donated $735,000," wording just does not seem right here, I'd change it to " In response, agencies donated $735,000 via the United Nations".
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
What's the diference? Via versus through? Via implies something different. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"The World Meteorological Organization issued an official statement crediting Jamaica and Cuba's warning infrastructure for the low loss of life there from Gordon, and blaming Haiti's lack of such a system for the large number of deaths there.[49]" move this to the end of the paragraph. IMO just weird here, the next sentence is a good paragraph opener, just no this one.
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"southwestern Caribbean on November 8 after two tropical waves enhanced convection around in area of disturbed weather." I'd change "in" to "an" since "around in" sounds weird.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Yea, I barely touched the lede, my bad. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
A few of the sentences in the lead could be better. " When Gordon affected Jamaica, it caused $11.8 million in damage and four deaths." to " Upon affecting Jamaica, it was responsible $11.8 million in damage and four deaths."
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
That works. Originally that sentence was longer, but I changed it due to using similar wording later on. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"There were 1,122 deaths in the country, partially due to deforested hills, and damage was estimated at $50 million. There were five deaths in neighboring Dominican Republic. In Cuba, Gordon caused $100 million in damage, and 5,906 houses were damaged or destroyed. " you start back to back sentences with there, kinda weird IMO.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"In Florida, the storm caused $400 million in damage, much of it agricultural, and there were eleven deaths, eight of them direct" infobox those not mention any indirect deaths.
YEPacificHurricane
"on November 10 it intensified into Tropical Storm Gordon after reaching open waters. " comma after 10.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"The circulation of the cyclone was initially very broad, covering much of the western Caribbean Sea," wikilink "circulation" to
atmospheric circulation.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"On November 19, the storm turned to the southwest and later to the west, and Gordon weakened into a tropical depression before striking Florida again near Cape Canaveral on November 20. " I'd break up this sentence; it is a little long IMO.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"n the mainland, two universities were also closed.[12]" which two?
Eh, is it that notable? They are included in the newspaper article, but I thought it was kinda trivial. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
I think so, universities I'd say are fairly important, there areas large as decent sized cities in some cases.
YEPacificHurricane 02:41, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"The high death toll from Gordon made it the deadliest hurricane since Hurricane David in 1979," mention it was the ATL. Also, just noticed the the EPAC had a near 3,00 dead storm during that time.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"At Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, a station recorded 69 mph (111 km/h) sustained winds, with gusts to 120 mph (190 km/h) during a microburst; the winds were not representative of the storm, and Gordon's landfall intensity was estimated at around 46 mph (74 km/h).[1] " I'd squeeze a "however" in here somewhere.
YEPacificHurricane 16:54, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Meh, it's pretty long as it is. I split it. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Yea, I was going to suggest that, but I did not want to give you too many comments.
YEPacificHurricane 02:41, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"was halted after the engine failed, the anchor was ripped off, and the mainstay was torn.[44] " shouldn't there be a semicolon after "failed" not a comma.
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
No, it's a combination of events. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"Aftermath and lack of retirement". Why is the words "lack of retirement" in the section header?
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
That's a pretty significant thing that didn't happen, given the death toll. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
How come we have a 1 sentence aftermath in the lead?
YEPacificHurricane 22:45, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
Agreed, thought we include it for retired storms. 02:41, 12 April 2013 (UTC)
" In response, agencies through the United Nations donated $735,000," wording just does not seem right here, I'd change it to " In response, agencies donated $735,000 via the United Nations".
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply
What's the diference? Via versus through? Via implies something different. --♫
Hurricanehink (
talk) 02:02, 12 April 2013 (UTC)reply
"The World Meteorological Organization issued an official statement crediting Jamaica and Cuba's warning infrastructure for the low loss of life there from Gordon, and blaming Haiti's lack of such a system for the large number of deaths there.[49]" move this to the end of the paragraph. IMO just weird here, the next sentence is a good paragraph opener, just no this one.
YEPacificHurricane 21:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)reply