GA nomination successful following prompt improvements to page
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Instead of "but" from "but also includes", a better term would be "and"
I'd specify that Bana voices Bruce here (don't assume every reader is familiar with the film's cast)
The use of "but" from "received mixed reviews from critics, but was commercially successful" gives a false impression that this defied some connection/correlation between critical reception and sales when in reality those are separate matters.
Since when is 21 levels a "short length"? (yes I've played this game before and fully beaten it)
Any particular reason you only have one citation here? While they don't appear to be needed for basic summary details per
Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Video games#Plot, this does seem rather odd.
It would help to specify which "neurodegenerative disease" Crawford has (my memory is fuzzy here but I do remember he used a wheelchair when not in the mutated Ravage form)
It's as much description as it got in the comics, and the game doesn't specify anything either. The fact that it's slowly paralyzing him makes it sound like ALS or something, but we'd just be getting into original research without the proper sources to clarify it.
Cat's Tuxedo (
talk)
23:17, 27 October 2021 (UTC)reply
Replace "being" from "the Hulk-like being Ravage" with "creature"
"tries and fails to create" → "unsuccessfully tries to recreate"
"was cited as a factor in the feeling of repetition" → "were both attributed to the feeling of repetition" (two reasons are given for this complaint, not just one)
"game's short length made recommendation beyond a rental difficult" comes off as treating opinions like facts. Let's go with something like "reviewers from X, Y, and Z only recommended renting the game when it did not take long to complete" (who obviously had an easier time than I did in 2005 as I took 3 or 4 months to beat this when I first got it, mostly due to my struggles with repeatedly failing level 7 as Bruce though I was able to get through it much quicker in subsequent playthroughs). Also, I only see a comment from
IGN on this being short, no details on any rental.
"Marriott and Ben Silverman of GameRevolution" makes it sound like both reviewers are for the same publication. I'd place the "Marriott" bit after GameRevolution to avoid such an impression.
Spell out
Artificial intelligence upon its first mention; not all viewers will know what "AI" stands for
Unless I'm missing something,
Eurogamer is the only one of four attributed refs that discusses AI or collision detection
EGM: "And avoiding detection is a crapshoot—I've been spotted from 20 yards by guards with their backs turned, but strolled right under others' noses."
GameSpy: "Sometimes guards see from far away, sometime they not notice when you in their face!"
IGN: "In the second Banner stage, for instance, there are several areas where the player has to pull and push boxes next to taller structures in order to climb over them. While it's a good idea on it's own, the sloppy Banner control scheme makes it difficult to climb the things you want to climb or grab the things you want to grab"
Cat's Tuxedo (
talk)
05:09, 8 November 2021 (UTC)reply
See my above comment on GameRevolution in regards to order for "Silverman and Benjamin Turner of GameSpy", and it surprisingly looks like the "green-hued Down's sufferer" description is found in the reviews GameSpy wrote for the
Xbox and
GameCube versions, but not
the PS2 edition that you've cited this part to. Same goes for the quotes on Bana's voice acting, and you should use single-line quotation marks for quotes-within-quotes per MOS:QWQ.
The use of "noted" from "noted the Dolby Digital feature's enhancement" feels as though it's treating this like a fact when the portion actually an opinion. I'd replace it with "praised the use of Dolby Digital" or something similar.
(Takes big sigh of exhaustion) You weren't kidding about the section being a doozy! It took me much longer than expected to assess. Thankfully the rest will be a breeze in comparison. Side note, this
pseduo-interview with Bruce and his alter ego amused as I read "their" comments on the gameplay that reflect a critic's views :P.
SNUGGUMS (
talk /
edits)
04:08, 8 November 2021 (UTC)reply
Sequel
"released in 2005 to positive reviews, but lower sales"..... I'm sure you can guess what's wrong here
Since you seem to have misunderstood me here, I'll now be more explicit: the "but" wrongfully makes it sound went against some connection/correlation between reviews and sales when they actually are different matters altogether.
SNUGGUMS (
talk /
edits)
01:25, 10 November 2021 (UTC)reply
References
Put "Notes" into their own section since those are a separate entity from what sources are cited within an article
Don't italicize "Xbox Support", Metacritic, or AllGame
You can avoid that by using "agency" field instead or maybe "via". It'll be ready for GA once you get this done and fix the dubious use of "but" in the sequel section.
SNUGGUMS (
talk /
edits)
01:25, 10 November 2021 (UTC)reply
Prose: Only minor changing is needed at this point. In addition to the "sequel" section, I'd scrap the "short length" bit from lead, maybe replacing it with how people can quickly beat it (though your mileage may vary on exactly how fast).
Referencing: Some references aren't properly formatted, and an unreliable link feels out-of-place here
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA nomination successful following prompt improvements to page
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Instead of "but" from "but also includes", a better term would be "and"
I'd specify that Bana voices Bruce here (don't assume every reader is familiar with the film's cast)
The use of "but" from "received mixed reviews from critics, but was commercially successful" gives a false impression that this defied some connection/correlation between critical reception and sales when in reality those are separate matters.
Since when is 21 levels a "short length"? (yes I've played this game before and fully beaten it)
Any particular reason you only have one citation here? While they don't appear to be needed for basic summary details per
Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Video games#Plot, this does seem rather odd.
It would help to specify which "neurodegenerative disease" Crawford has (my memory is fuzzy here but I do remember he used a wheelchair when not in the mutated Ravage form)
It's as much description as it got in the comics, and the game doesn't specify anything either. The fact that it's slowly paralyzing him makes it sound like ALS or something, but we'd just be getting into original research without the proper sources to clarify it.
Cat's Tuxedo (
talk)
23:17, 27 October 2021 (UTC)reply
Replace "being" from "the Hulk-like being Ravage" with "creature"
"tries and fails to create" → "unsuccessfully tries to recreate"
"was cited as a factor in the feeling of repetition" → "were both attributed to the feeling of repetition" (two reasons are given for this complaint, not just one)
"game's short length made recommendation beyond a rental difficult" comes off as treating opinions like facts. Let's go with something like "reviewers from X, Y, and Z only recommended renting the game when it did not take long to complete" (who obviously had an easier time than I did in 2005 as I took 3 or 4 months to beat this when I first got it, mostly due to my struggles with repeatedly failing level 7 as Bruce though I was able to get through it much quicker in subsequent playthroughs). Also, I only see a comment from
IGN on this being short, no details on any rental.
"Marriott and Ben Silverman of GameRevolution" makes it sound like both reviewers are for the same publication. I'd place the "Marriott" bit after GameRevolution to avoid such an impression.
Spell out
Artificial intelligence upon its first mention; not all viewers will know what "AI" stands for
Unless I'm missing something,
Eurogamer is the only one of four attributed refs that discusses AI or collision detection
EGM: "And avoiding detection is a crapshoot—I've been spotted from 20 yards by guards with their backs turned, but strolled right under others' noses."
GameSpy: "Sometimes guards see from far away, sometime they not notice when you in their face!"
IGN: "In the second Banner stage, for instance, there are several areas where the player has to pull and push boxes next to taller structures in order to climb over them. While it's a good idea on it's own, the sloppy Banner control scheme makes it difficult to climb the things you want to climb or grab the things you want to grab"
Cat's Tuxedo (
talk)
05:09, 8 November 2021 (UTC)reply
See my above comment on GameRevolution in regards to order for "Silverman and Benjamin Turner of GameSpy", and it surprisingly looks like the "green-hued Down's sufferer" description is found in the reviews GameSpy wrote for the
Xbox and
GameCube versions, but not
the PS2 edition that you've cited this part to. Same goes for the quotes on Bana's voice acting, and you should use single-line quotation marks for quotes-within-quotes per MOS:QWQ.
The use of "noted" from "noted the Dolby Digital feature's enhancement" feels as though it's treating this like a fact when the portion actually an opinion. I'd replace it with "praised the use of Dolby Digital" or something similar.
(Takes big sigh of exhaustion) You weren't kidding about the section being a doozy! It took me much longer than expected to assess. Thankfully the rest will be a breeze in comparison. Side note, this
pseduo-interview with Bruce and his alter ego amused as I read "their" comments on the gameplay that reflect a critic's views :P.
SNUGGUMS (
talk /
edits)
04:08, 8 November 2021 (UTC)reply
Sequel
"released in 2005 to positive reviews, but lower sales"..... I'm sure you can guess what's wrong here
Since you seem to have misunderstood me here, I'll now be more explicit: the "but" wrongfully makes it sound went against some connection/correlation between reviews and sales when they actually are different matters altogether.
SNUGGUMS (
talk /
edits)
01:25, 10 November 2021 (UTC)reply
References
Put "Notes" into their own section since those are a separate entity from what sources are cited within an article
Don't italicize "Xbox Support", Metacritic, or AllGame
You can avoid that by using "agency" field instead or maybe "via". It'll be ready for GA once you get this done and fix the dubious use of "but" in the sequel section.
SNUGGUMS (
talk /
edits)
01:25, 10 November 2021 (UTC)reply
Prose: Only minor changing is needed at this point. In addition to the "sequel" section, I'd scrap the "short length" bit from lead, maybe replacing it with how people can quickly beat it (though your mileage may vary on exactly how fast).
Referencing: Some references aren't properly formatted, and an unreliable link feels out-of-place here
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.