The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Grabbing this for a review if that is okay wit you. Mulan is my absolute favorite Disney movie of all time, and I have always loved this song so it will be fun to read the production history and reception.
Aoba47 (
talk) 14:41, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Oh, by all means haha, thank you! I noticed that the review process has already been placed on hold; I'm assuming this is an error since the process just began and no changes have been suggested yet?--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 15:08, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
It was my mistake. I am just being silly today, and I keep adding "on hold" instead of "on review". Sorry for my mistake, but now it is really on hold since I have finished with my comments/review.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Lead and infobox
Everything in the infobox looks good.
In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I would avoid the repetition of the word "originally".
In the third paragraph, I would separate the part about the song being a parody (i.e. parodying traditional gender roles and cultural expectations of women) into its own sentence as it kind of blends in with the previous list (given the similar -ing structure of the verbs).
This part (which took the singer only thirty-two minutes to complete but approached it as though she was performing the entire score regardless) sounds a little odd and would benefit from revision, particularly the connection between the two ideas.
Revised, changed to "only thirty-two minutes to complete. However, she approached it as though"--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Add the year in which Mismatched Women: The Siren's Song Through the Machine was released to the sentence about it.
You use the song's title repeatedly in the first three sentences of the first paragraph. I would recommend changing this up to provide variation.
Fixed.
In the following phrase (prepare to the character to present her to the matchmaker,), should matchmaker be capitalized? Make sure that the capitalization regarding the Matchmaker is consistent throughout the entire article.
I believe it is supposed to be capitalized, since the Matchmaker is the only name the character is known (and credited) by. Fixed and looked for similar instances throughout the article.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
The second paragraph is rather long so I would suggest cutting it into two, with the third paragraph starting with the sentence on the line of girls in the marketplace as it shifts into focusing on them.
Good suggestion, done. Split it right before "Towards the end of the scene ..."--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
I would specify that the "Suite from Mulan" score was released as part of the soundtrack album.
I am a little confused by this part (It is performed at a "very quick" tempo of 80), as I am not sure what 80 is referencing. Is it 80 beats per minutes?
I simply removed "80"; originally I believed 80 was the BPM until I found a website that actually states the song's accurate BPM (168). Although the song's sheet music states "Metronome h=80", I'm not exactly sure what that means, nor do I believe it's necessary with the BPM already mentioned.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
For the phrase (lasting a total duration of 3:03 in length), I would recommend writing it out fully (i.e. three minutes and three seconds). And I am not sure the "in length" part is necessary as the "total duration" part covers that already.
This is more of a clarification question, but would an audio sample be helpful here, particularly to point out the use of the "ethnic instrumentation"?
Audio samples in song articles are always a matter of preference, in my opinion. I personally don't believe it's necessary in this case.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Makes sense to me. I agree that the use of non-free media should be kept to a minimal.
Aoba47 (
talk) 18:43, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Critical reception
I would add clear topic sentences to the paragraphs to provide a clear organization/structure to this section. This would help make the focus of each paragraph clearer (i.e. the first paragraph as a mixed reception on the song's message and the second paragraph as the mixed reception of the song's ranking compared to other Disney songs).
Got it, done. Added ""Honor to Us All" has received mixed reviews from music critics, who shared differing opinions about the song's intended message." The second paragraph pretty much already accomplishes that with its opening sentence, which is great because it is actually cited.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:30, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Otherwise, great job here. It is interesting to see different opinions about this.
Wonderful work with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will pass this. Hope you are having a great day so far.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
I think I've taken care of pretty much everything. Thoughts?--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:39, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Thank you for addressing my comments. I will ✓Pass this. I look forward to reading your future work on here.
Aoba47 (
talk) 18:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Grabbing this for a review if that is okay wit you. Mulan is my absolute favorite Disney movie of all time, and I have always loved this song so it will be fun to read the production history and reception.
Aoba47 (
talk) 14:41, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Oh, by all means haha, thank you! I noticed that the review process has already been placed on hold; I'm assuming this is an error since the process just began and no changes have been suggested yet?--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 15:08, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
It was my mistake. I am just being silly today, and I keep adding "on hold" instead of "on review". Sorry for my mistake, but now it is really on hold since I have finished with my comments/review.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Lead and infobox
Everything in the infobox looks good.
In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I would avoid the repetition of the word "originally".
In the third paragraph, I would separate the part about the song being a parody (i.e. parodying traditional gender roles and cultural expectations of women) into its own sentence as it kind of blends in with the previous list (given the similar -ing structure of the verbs).
This part (which took the singer only thirty-two minutes to complete but approached it as though she was performing the entire score regardless) sounds a little odd and would benefit from revision, particularly the connection between the two ideas.
Revised, changed to "only thirty-two minutes to complete. However, she approached it as though"--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Add the year in which Mismatched Women: The Siren's Song Through the Machine was released to the sentence about it.
You use the song's title repeatedly in the first three sentences of the first paragraph. I would recommend changing this up to provide variation.
Fixed.
In the following phrase (prepare to the character to present her to the matchmaker,), should matchmaker be capitalized? Make sure that the capitalization regarding the Matchmaker is consistent throughout the entire article.
I believe it is supposed to be capitalized, since the Matchmaker is the only name the character is known (and credited) by. Fixed and looked for similar instances throughout the article.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
The second paragraph is rather long so I would suggest cutting it into two, with the third paragraph starting with the sentence on the line of girls in the marketplace as it shifts into focusing on them.
Good suggestion, done. Split it right before "Towards the end of the scene ..."--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
I would specify that the "Suite from Mulan" score was released as part of the soundtrack album.
I am a little confused by this part (It is performed at a "very quick" tempo of 80), as I am not sure what 80 is referencing. Is it 80 beats per minutes?
I simply removed "80"; originally I believed 80 was the BPM until I found a website that actually states the song's accurate BPM (168). Although the song's sheet music states "Metronome h=80", I'm not exactly sure what that means, nor do I believe it's necessary with the BPM already mentioned.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
For the phrase (lasting a total duration of 3:03 in length), I would recommend writing it out fully (i.e. three minutes and three seconds). And I am not sure the "in length" part is necessary as the "total duration" part covers that already.
This is more of a clarification question, but would an audio sample be helpful here, particularly to point out the use of the "ethnic instrumentation"?
Audio samples in song articles are always a matter of preference, in my opinion. I personally don't believe it's necessary in this case.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Makes sense to me. I agree that the use of non-free media should be kept to a minimal.
Aoba47 (
talk) 18:43, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Critical reception
I would add clear topic sentences to the paragraphs to provide a clear organization/structure to this section. This would help make the focus of each paragraph clearer (i.e. the first paragraph as a mixed reception on the song's message and the second paragraph as the mixed reception of the song's ranking compared to other Disney songs).
Got it, done. Added ""Honor to Us All" has received mixed reviews from music critics, who shared differing opinions about the song's intended message." The second paragraph pretty much already accomplishes that with its opening sentence, which is great because it is actually cited.--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:30, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Otherwise, great job here. It is interesting to see different opinions about this.
Wonderful work with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will pass this. Hope you are having a great day so far.
Aoba47 (
talk) 15:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
I think I've taken care of pretty much everything. Thoughts?--
Changedforbetter (
talk) 18:39, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
Thank you for addressing my comments. I will ✓Pass this. I look forward to reading your future work on here.
Aoba47 (
talk) 18:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.