"Hollywood Monsters began development at Pendulo in mid-1994" should be changed to "Development began in mid-1994" or "Pendulo began developing Hollywood Monsters in mid-1994" or something similar. Games, as inanimate objects, can't "begin development."
"The developer had announced plans..." I think you should say Pendulo instead of "the developer". IMO it sounds more natural and concise, and you want to avoid
elegant variation.
I wouldn't call "the developer" a misleading phrase there (the company is introduced as a "Spanish developer" in the previous sentence), but I changed it nonetheless. De-linked those instances as well.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 23:43, 23 July 2019 (UTC)reply
I didn't mean that it was misleading, just that it was unnecessary.
JOEBRO64 20:42, 25 July 2019 (UTC)reply
"Pendulo Studios began developing Hollywood Monsters on the same game engine..." Bin "Studios" since we've already introduced Pendulo. Also, I think "using the same game engine" would be better than "on the same game engine", as it'd be a bit clearer IMO.
Changed. Went with "with" instead of "on" for the second one, since "using" creates a noun plus -ing formulation that I still (even though Tony1 isn't as adamant about it anymore) try to avoid most of the time.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 21:31, 26 July 2019 (UTC)reply
You don't have to do this if you disagree, but I think you should remove the part about the canceled Igor remake. It doesn't seem to have any relevance or add anything to readers' understanding of this game.
IMO you should replace "utilized" with "use", as (from the vibe I've gotten around Wikipedia) it's preferred to avoid forms of "utilize" since there are usually simpler alternatives.
Did some rearranging and editing through there.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 21:31, 26 July 2019 (UTC)reply
"... the main theme for Hollywood Monsters, entitled 'Enigmas'."
I think the last two sentences of the third paragraph can be combined into one: "In 2002, La Unión similarly recalled that working on Hollywood Monsters had been "a very fun experience", and that it was pleased with the results of the collaboration."
@
JimmyBlackwing: just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about this. I've been a bit busy lately and my Wiki-time has been limited, but I plan to finish this by Saturday.
JOEBRO64 13:06, 31 July 2019 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the heads-up. I'll be looking forward to the rest of your review!
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 15:17, 31 July 2019 (UTC)reply
Distribution and sales
I think you should reposition "In the end, the game was published in Spain by Dinamic during December 1997" as the first sentence of this section instead of the last sentence of the development section. It's more relevant here, since it's not necessarily related to the development.
"In 2000, Latiegui explained that the game "was released in the WORST moment in time for adventure games..." I know this is a direct quote, but
MOS:CAPS still applies. I'd recommend using italics instead.
"The game was unreleased in English by 2003." Does this mean that the translation was complete, just not released? It's a bit confusing, and you've already mentioned that it wasn't localized.
"... including Hollywood Monsters, reached 1 million units."
MOS:NUMERALS
"as part of its budget-priced "Premium" line in the middle of mid-2002."
This is not necessary, but there seems to be a vibe at WPVG these days that you don't need to name-drop all the individual reviewers since they're usually not independently notable. Most of their comments can be attributed to the publication with no problems.
Not really familiar with this. I've been attributing quotes to writers rather than publications since the 2000s, after the old standard (attributing quotes to publications) fell out of fashion in WPVG because inanimate sites and magazines can't technically "write" or "say" anything. Maybe it's drifting back the other way, but until there's a broad new consensus or guideline, I think I'm just going to keep going the way I've been going here.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:27, 3 August 2019 (UTC)reply
"... and noted Hollywood Monsters' technical superiority..." "Noted" should only be used when critics talk about an objective fact; this is an opinion.
Can you go into detail why it was compared to Maniac Mansion (e.g. was it a good or bad thing)? For instance, Meristation apparently thought it was better.
The direct quote from citation 43 (the Game One broadcast) is: "it has been compared to Maniac Mansion." That's stated by the narrator. Then Latiegui is filmed saying, "I was often told that it was the Spanish Maniac Mansion." Based on this, I'm not sure there's enough to say whether it was broadly positively or negatively compared to the game. That it was compared at all is still certainly part of Hollywood Monsters' reception, so I felt that it was important to add, but I'm not sure how far I should push it.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:27, 3 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Meristation and Just Adventure should be italicized, per
Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Titles#Major works: "Online magazines, newspapers, and news sites with original content should generally be italicized"
"In 2001, GameLive PC declared Hollywood Monsters "without a doubt [one of] the two best graphic adventures" ever developed in Spain." Just curious—what was the other?
"... which started to form as an idea in summer 1998."
MOS:SEASONS
The direct quote is: "In the summer of 98. That is when we started to create the first sketches of what would end up becoming Runaway." I'm not sure there's another way to write the date without potentially getting into original research. If you have any suggestions, I'm open.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
"Most of Pendulo's staff was were..." for concision; "staff" can be used as a plural noun like this.
I really wanted this option while writing the article—but unfortunately I'm an American and the article is written in American English. Words like "staff" and "team" are frustratingly singular over here, so a staff is always an "it" rather than a "they," and a "was" rather than a "were."
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Took a shot at it. FURs have never been my specialty, but hopefully that's good enough.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Sorry I took so long on this. Once these are cleared up I'll pass.
JOEBRO64 16:37, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Thanks for your dedication! Responded inline above.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
No problem! Passing. Also, in response to "staff"—I'm American too, I just wasn't aware that was an AmEng quirk.JOEBRO64 19:36, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Understood! Many thanks for the review.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 19:44, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
"Hollywood Monsters began development at Pendulo in mid-1994" should be changed to "Development began in mid-1994" or "Pendulo began developing Hollywood Monsters in mid-1994" or something similar. Games, as inanimate objects, can't "begin development."
"The developer had announced plans..." I think you should say Pendulo instead of "the developer". IMO it sounds more natural and concise, and you want to avoid
elegant variation.
I wouldn't call "the developer" a misleading phrase there (the company is introduced as a "Spanish developer" in the previous sentence), but I changed it nonetheless. De-linked those instances as well.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 23:43, 23 July 2019 (UTC)reply
I didn't mean that it was misleading, just that it was unnecessary.
JOEBRO64 20:42, 25 July 2019 (UTC)reply
"Pendulo Studios began developing Hollywood Monsters on the same game engine..." Bin "Studios" since we've already introduced Pendulo. Also, I think "using the same game engine" would be better than "on the same game engine", as it'd be a bit clearer IMO.
Changed. Went with "with" instead of "on" for the second one, since "using" creates a noun plus -ing formulation that I still (even though Tony1 isn't as adamant about it anymore) try to avoid most of the time.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 21:31, 26 July 2019 (UTC)reply
You don't have to do this if you disagree, but I think you should remove the part about the canceled Igor remake. It doesn't seem to have any relevance or add anything to readers' understanding of this game.
IMO you should replace "utilized" with "use", as (from the vibe I've gotten around Wikipedia) it's preferred to avoid forms of "utilize" since there are usually simpler alternatives.
Did some rearranging and editing through there.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 21:31, 26 July 2019 (UTC)reply
"... the main theme for Hollywood Monsters, entitled 'Enigmas'."
I think the last two sentences of the third paragraph can be combined into one: "In 2002, La Unión similarly recalled that working on Hollywood Monsters had been "a very fun experience", and that it was pleased with the results of the collaboration."
@
JimmyBlackwing: just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about this. I've been a bit busy lately and my Wiki-time has been limited, but I plan to finish this by Saturday.
JOEBRO64 13:06, 31 July 2019 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the heads-up. I'll be looking forward to the rest of your review!
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 15:17, 31 July 2019 (UTC)reply
Distribution and sales
I think you should reposition "In the end, the game was published in Spain by Dinamic during December 1997" as the first sentence of this section instead of the last sentence of the development section. It's more relevant here, since it's not necessarily related to the development.
"In 2000, Latiegui explained that the game "was released in the WORST moment in time for adventure games..." I know this is a direct quote, but
MOS:CAPS still applies. I'd recommend using italics instead.
"The game was unreleased in English by 2003." Does this mean that the translation was complete, just not released? It's a bit confusing, and you've already mentioned that it wasn't localized.
"... including Hollywood Monsters, reached 1 million units."
MOS:NUMERALS
"as part of its budget-priced "Premium" line in the middle of mid-2002."
This is not necessary, but there seems to be a vibe at WPVG these days that you don't need to name-drop all the individual reviewers since they're usually not independently notable. Most of their comments can be attributed to the publication with no problems.
Not really familiar with this. I've been attributing quotes to writers rather than publications since the 2000s, after the old standard (attributing quotes to publications) fell out of fashion in WPVG because inanimate sites and magazines can't technically "write" or "say" anything. Maybe it's drifting back the other way, but until there's a broad new consensus or guideline, I think I'm just going to keep going the way I've been going here.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:27, 3 August 2019 (UTC)reply
"... and noted Hollywood Monsters' technical superiority..." "Noted" should only be used when critics talk about an objective fact; this is an opinion.
Can you go into detail why it was compared to Maniac Mansion (e.g. was it a good or bad thing)? For instance, Meristation apparently thought it was better.
The direct quote from citation 43 (the Game One broadcast) is: "it has been compared to Maniac Mansion." That's stated by the narrator. Then Latiegui is filmed saying, "I was often told that it was the Spanish Maniac Mansion." Based on this, I'm not sure there's enough to say whether it was broadly positively or negatively compared to the game. That it was compared at all is still certainly part of Hollywood Monsters' reception, so I felt that it was important to add, but I'm not sure how far I should push it.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:27, 3 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Meristation and Just Adventure should be italicized, per
Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Titles#Major works: "Online magazines, newspapers, and news sites with original content should generally be italicized"
"In 2001, GameLive PC declared Hollywood Monsters "without a doubt [one of] the two best graphic adventures" ever developed in Spain." Just curious—what was the other?
"... which started to form as an idea in summer 1998."
MOS:SEASONS
The direct quote is: "In the summer of 98. That is when we started to create the first sketches of what would end up becoming Runaway." I'm not sure there's another way to write the date without potentially getting into original research. If you have any suggestions, I'm open.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
"Most of Pendulo's staff was were..." for concision; "staff" can be used as a plural noun like this.
I really wanted this option while writing the article—but unfortunately I'm an American and the article is written in American English. Words like "staff" and "team" are frustratingly singular over here, so a staff is always an "it" rather than a "they," and a "was" rather than a "were."
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Took a shot at it. FURs have never been my specialty, but hopefully that's good enough.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Sorry I took so long on this. Once these are cleared up I'll pass.
JOEBRO64 16:37, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Thanks for your dedication! Responded inline above.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 18:46, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
No problem! Passing. Also, in response to "staff"—I'm American too, I just wasn't aware that was an AmEng quirk.JOEBRO64 19:36, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply
Understood! Many thanks for the review.
JimmyBlackwing (
talk) 19:44, 4 August 2019 (UTC)reply