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Reviewer: Mike Christie ( talk · contribs) 13:20, 22 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:20, 22 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll copyedit as I go through; please feel free to revert any mistakes I make.
This charter for the Staten Island Railroad Company was signed on August 2, 1851: I don't understand "This" charter; is it just a typo for "The charter"? And what charter is this? The following sentence talks of a plan being presented to him, though no plan has been discussed. Or if this is a reference to the Tottenville-to-Stapleton line, then that needs to be clearer; and no charter has been mentioned there either.
Vanderbilt tried to stop competitors who had previously owned the railroad's lease; he appointed James R. Robinson to build a structure to block his competitors but on July 28, 1851, people tried to deconstruct the almost-finished structure and threatened to hurt Robinson if he tried to block them: I don't follow this. What could these competitors do without a railroad charter, and how? What was Robinson building a structure to stop -- another railroad?
More elaborate structures were put in place at Eltingville and Annadale—whose namesakes, the Eltings family and Anna Seguine, were influential in paying for the construction of the rail line: more elaborate than what? I think you mean something like "The stations built at Eltingville and Annadale—whose namesakes, the Eltings family and Anna Seguine, were influential in paying for the construction of the rail line—were the most elaborate".
Done
William Vanderbilt managed the receivership well enough to be discharged, having paid off the debt: the receivership was discharged, not William Vanderbilt, so I think you want "William Vanderbilt managed the receivership well enough for it to be discharged, with the debt paid off".
In March 1864, Vanderbilt bought Law's ferries: which Vanderbilt -- William or Jacob?
Done
the property of the company was sold to the attorney George Law in foreclosure: I take it this is the same George Law that ran the ferries? If so I'd mention that he's an attorney when you first give his name, and when it comes to this sentence, make it clear it's the same person.
Done
Law and Theall sold out to a company composed largely of shareholders; Law threatened to form a company of his own if they did not come to his terms promptly. Some of the smaller stockholders neglected to join in the purchase: I don't follow this; can you clarify?
split into separate rail companies to prevent one from leading to the demise of the other: better to spell it out: perhaps "to prevent problems with one from...".
Done
He operated it until it was taken over by the SIRT: we haven't mentioned the SIRT yet, so I would spell the name out in full here.
Done -- Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 01:19, 23 February 2018 (UTC)
he incorporated The Staten Island Rapid Transit Railroad Company on March 25, 1880. It was officially incorporated on April 14, 1880.Those two different dates look odd; do we know what the difference is between them?
Wiman's plan called for a belt system: what is a "belt system"?
At that time, his company neither owned nor controlled a railroad: does "his" refer to Wiman or Garrett?
however, Law refused to renew the option a second time: as written this implies Wiman obtained an option, then Law renewed it, then Law refused to renew it when it next expired. I suspect it was the first renewal that was difficult; if so, I'd make this "however, Law refused to renew the option when it expired".
Law was humored by the gesture and granted Wiman the option: odd phrase -- should this be "amused by"?
Based on the settling of the island's interior, additional spur lines would have been built: not sure what this means -- do you mean Wiman assumed, in his plans, that spur lines would be built as the population increased in the interior? If so, how about "Wiam assumed that additional spur lines would be built to serve population growth in the island's interior".
-- More to come. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 23:10, 23 February 2018 (UTC)
I have some comments above about the company names, but I am not convinced I have it all correct yet. Here's what I think I get from the article; can you tell me if this is right? I've made up some acronyms just to make it easier to refer to them.
If you can clarify the exact names and what refers to what that would be very helpful. I'll carry on with the review, probably later today, or else tomorrow. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 18:17, 24 February 2018 (UTC)
Grading work on the section between Clifton (previously Vanderbilt's Landing) and Tottenville began at this time, and during early 1884, construction continued with such energy that this section, which had been expected to open on September 1, opened on July 31 that year. This implies that no trains were running at the time the section opened, but you don't actually say that. Earlier you say the SIR was "barely operational"; did it actually cease operations completely, so the line went dead?
In 1910, the SIR withdrew its property at Main Street that has been the old ferry docks: what does "withdrew its property" mean?
The bridge's drawspan was 500 feet (150 m), the fixed spans were 150 feet (46 m), and there were 208 feet (63 m), making the bridge 800 feet (240 m) wide: what was 208 feet?
J.P. Morgan replaced the railroad's top management to refinance it: there's no causation here, surely, so this would be better as "and refinanced it".
Done
PRR control of the line decreased with a new PRR president: why does this follow?
On May 3, 1948, the United States House of Representatives approved a bill to permit the SIRT...: we don't need the separate details of the House, Senate, and presidential approvals.
Borough President Hall continued to rally against the SIRT's cuts: "rally" needs a direct object -- perhaps "rally the community"? Or do you mean something like "continued to oppose the SIRT's cuts"?
Hall suggested lowering the fare to 10 cents or a 20-cent round trip to make up the lost money: what lost money? And how would lowering a fare help recover lost money?
On December 19, 1952, by a unanimous decision...seems repetitive; isn't it giving the same information twice?
On December 19, 1952, by a unanimous decision, the PSC gave the SIRT permission to discontinue service on the North Shore Branch and South Beach Branch after March 31, 1953and
the SIRT discontinued passenger service on the North Shore Branch and the South Beach Branch at midnight on March 31, 1953in quick succession. I know the first sentence says they got permission, and the second one says they went ahead and did it, but it's very repetitive. Can the two sentences be combined in some way to eliminate the repetition? Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 11:34, 25 February 2018 (UTC)
Done-- Kew Gardens 613 ( talk) 12:14, 25 February 2018 (UTC)
The SIRT had sought permission to end service to Tottenville.This seems out of place here; it's covered in more detail in the next section. I'd either cut it from this paragraph, or give a few more details here in order to keep the whole in chronological order.
These cars were 11.7 percent larger than the cars then in service on the SIRT: three decimal places is surely too precise. Does the source give it this way?
Done
the line's 61 motormen and conductors went on strike, which once they voted to receive 14% wage increases: something wrong here.
making it the 50th station, New York City Subway and Staten Island Railway, to accept it: does this mean "50th subway or LIRR station"? If so I'd use that wording.
No issues.
The article is in excellent shape. Most of what's above is minor, but I would like to get a clearer understanding of the confusingly named companies, and make sure that the article reflects them correctly, before promoting this to GA. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 23:31, 24 February 2018 (UTC)
Reading through to look at the new abbreviations: On April 3, 1883, the Staten Island Rapid Transit Railroad Company gained control of the Staten Island Railway Company and its boats
: can we make this "the SIRTR gained control of the SIRW"? Once that's done, and the lead is lengthened to comply with
WP:LEADLENGTH, I'll promote the article to GA.
Mike Christie (
talk -
contribs -
library)
01:03, 27 February 2018 (UTC)
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Reviewer: Mike Christie ( talk · contribs) 13:20, 22 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 13:20, 22 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll copyedit as I go through; please feel free to revert any mistakes I make.
This charter for the Staten Island Railroad Company was signed on August 2, 1851: I don't understand "This" charter; is it just a typo for "The charter"? And what charter is this? The following sentence talks of a plan being presented to him, though no plan has been discussed. Or if this is a reference to the Tottenville-to-Stapleton line, then that needs to be clearer; and no charter has been mentioned there either.
Vanderbilt tried to stop competitors who had previously owned the railroad's lease; he appointed James R. Robinson to build a structure to block his competitors but on July 28, 1851, people tried to deconstruct the almost-finished structure and threatened to hurt Robinson if he tried to block them: I don't follow this. What could these competitors do without a railroad charter, and how? What was Robinson building a structure to stop -- another railroad?
More elaborate structures were put in place at Eltingville and Annadale—whose namesakes, the Eltings family and Anna Seguine, were influential in paying for the construction of the rail line: more elaborate than what? I think you mean something like "The stations built at Eltingville and Annadale—whose namesakes, the Eltings family and Anna Seguine, were influential in paying for the construction of the rail line—were the most elaborate".
Done
William Vanderbilt managed the receivership well enough to be discharged, having paid off the debt: the receivership was discharged, not William Vanderbilt, so I think you want "William Vanderbilt managed the receivership well enough for it to be discharged, with the debt paid off".
In March 1864, Vanderbilt bought Law's ferries: which Vanderbilt -- William or Jacob?
Done
the property of the company was sold to the attorney George Law in foreclosure: I take it this is the same George Law that ran the ferries? If so I'd mention that he's an attorney when you first give his name, and when it comes to this sentence, make it clear it's the same person.
Done
Law and Theall sold out to a company composed largely of shareholders; Law threatened to form a company of his own if they did not come to his terms promptly. Some of the smaller stockholders neglected to join in the purchase: I don't follow this; can you clarify?
split into separate rail companies to prevent one from leading to the demise of the other: better to spell it out: perhaps "to prevent problems with one from...".
Done
He operated it until it was taken over by the SIRT: we haven't mentioned the SIRT yet, so I would spell the name out in full here.
Done -- Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 01:19, 23 February 2018 (UTC)
he incorporated The Staten Island Rapid Transit Railroad Company on March 25, 1880. It was officially incorporated on April 14, 1880.Those two different dates look odd; do we know what the difference is between them?
Wiman's plan called for a belt system: what is a "belt system"?
At that time, his company neither owned nor controlled a railroad: does "his" refer to Wiman or Garrett?
however, Law refused to renew the option a second time: as written this implies Wiman obtained an option, then Law renewed it, then Law refused to renew it when it next expired. I suspect it was the first renewal that was difficult; if so, I'd make this "however, Law refused to renew the option when it expired".
Law was humored by the gesture and granted Wiman the option: odd phrase -- should this be "amused by"?
Based on the settling of the island's interior, additional spur lines would have been built: not sure what this means -- do you mean Wiman assumed, in his plans, that spur lines would be built as the population increased in the interior? If so, how about "Wiam assumed that additional spur lines would be built to serve population growth in the island's interior".
-- More to come. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 23:10, 23 February 2018 (UTC)
I have some comments above about the company names, but I am not convinced I have it all correct yet. Here's what I think I get from the article; can you tell me if this is right? I've made up some acronyms just to make it easier to refer to them.
If you can clarify the exact names and what refers to what that would be very helpful. I'll carry on with the review, probably later today, or else tomorrow. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 18:17, 24 February 2018 (UTC)
Grading work on the section between Clifton (previously Vanderbilt's Landing) and Tottenville began at this time, and during early 1884, construction continued with such energy that this section, which had been expected to open on September 1, opened on July 31 that year. This implies that no trains were running at the time the section opened, but you don't actually say that. Earlier you say the SIR was "barely operational"; did it actually cease operations completely, so the line went dead?
In 1910, the SIR withdrew its property at Main Street that has been the old ferry docks: what does "withdrew its property" mean?
The bridge's drawspan was 500 feet (150 m), the fixed spans were 150 feet (46 m), and there were 208 feet (63 m), making the bridge 800 feet (240 m) wide: what was 208 feet?
J.P. Morgan replaced the railroad's top management to refinance it: there's no causation here, surely, so this would be better as "and refinanced it".
Done
PRR control of the line decreased with a new PRR president: why does this follow?
On May 3, 1948, the United States House of Representatives approved a bill to permit the SIRT...: we don't need the separate details of the House, Senate, and presidential approvals.
Borough President Hall continued to rally against the SIRT's cuts: "rally" needs a direct object -- perhaps "rally the community"? Or do you mean something like "continued to oppose the SIRT's cuts"?
Hall suggested lowering the fare to 10 cents or a 20-cent round trip to make up the lost money: what lost money? And how would lowering a fare help recover lost money?
On December 19, 1952, by a unanimous decision...seems repetitive; isn't it giving the same information twice?
On December 19, 1952, by a unanimous decision, the PSC gave the SIRT permission to discontinue service on the North Shore Branch and South Beach Branch after March 31, 1953and
the SIRT discontinued passenger service on the North Shore Branch and the South Beach Branch at midnight on March 31, 1953in quick succession. I know the first sentence says they got permission, and the second one says they went ahead and did it, but it's very repetitive. Can the two sentences be combined in some way to eliminate the repetition? Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 11:34, 25 February 2018 (UTC)
Done-- Kew Gardens 613 ( talk) 12:14, 25 February 2018 (UTC)
The SIRT had sought permission to end service to Tottenville.This seems out of place here; it's covered in more detail in the next section. I'd either cut it from this paragraph, or give a few more details here in order to keep the whole in chronological order.
These cars were 11.7 percent larger than the cars then in service on the SIRT: three decimal places is surely too precise. Does the source give it this way?
Done
the line's 61 motormen and conductors went on strike, which once they voted to receive 14% wage increases: something wrong here.
making it the 50th station, New York City Subway and Staten Island Railway, to accept it: does this mean "50th subway or LIRR station"? If so I'd use that wording.
No issues.
The article is in excellent shape. Most of what's above is minor, but I would like to get a clearer understanding of the confusingly named companies, and make sure that the article reflects them correctly, before promoting this to GA. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 23:31, 24 February 2018 (UTC)
Reading through to look at the new abbreviations: On April 3, 1883, the Staten Island Rapid Transit Railroad Company gained control of the Staten Island Railway Company and its boats
: can we make this "the SIRTR gained control of the SIRW"? Once that's done, and the lead is lengthened to comply with
WP:LEADLENGTH, I'll promote the article to GA.
Mike Christie (
talk -
contribs -
library)
01:03, 27 February 2018 (UTC)