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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk · contribs) 17:40, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
Hi @ Knightmare 3112:, I'll take this. Before I take a proper look at the article a decision needs to made on whether it's appropriate for this review to go forward based on the sources used. The following sources are to me not appropriate for a GA and should be either removed or replaced before a review should go ahead:
I will await your response on how you wish to tackle this. Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk) 17:40, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
I'm happy with your changes to those sources, although I would note that there is an updated edition of Commissioned Sea Officers: Syrett, David; DiNardo, R. L. (1994). The Commissioned Sea Officers of the Royal Navy. Aldershot, Hampshire: Scolar Press. ISBN 1 85928 122 2. Despite this progress, there is still a lot to do on this article. The most pressing part of this is copyright violation with the Australian Dictionary of Biography; paragraphs 4 and 6 of Colonial Service are near to verbatim ripped from this source. The single sentence sourced to the National Centre of Biography is also a straight copy and paste. I would also ask that you double check your print sources for similar violations.
The majority of ships mentioned in the article are linked to their SIA pages rather than to the individual ships in question, which provides little to no help to the casual reader. More importantly, the article gives little to no attention to Ball's later naval service. Seven years and three ship commands are dealt with in a single line, which is hardly enough for B-Class. For example, you completely ignore Ball's service at the Battle of the Basque Roads in Gibraltar. Other naval aspects that are not mentioned (and this is not an exhaustive list) include:
This article also has difficulties with its prose, with short sentences occasionally being slung in as their own paragraphs with little context. For example, "In 1808 he applied unsuccessfully for the governorship of New South Wales" comes in completely out of the blue! I would also note that the lede is too short for this length of article and should be expanded.
I am going to put this review on hold to give you time to look at my remarks and decide what you wish to do with this; there is more to discuss but I have attempted to provide an overview of some of the more pressing issues here as a start. It might be best for this to be failed so that you are not under a time constraint to complete what could be a considerable amount of editing. Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk) 17:14, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk · contribs) 17:40, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
Hi @ Knightmare 3112:, I'll take this. Before I take a proper look at the article a decision needs to made on whether it's appropriate for this review to go forward based on the sources used. The following sources are to me not appropriate for a GA and should be either removed or replaced before a review should go ahead:
I will await your response on how you wish to tackle this. Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk) 17:40, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
I'm happy with your changes to those sources, although I would note that there is an updated edition of Commissioned Sea Officers: Syrett, David; DiNardo, R. L. (1994). The Commissioned Sea Officers of the Royal Navy. Aldershot, Hampshire: Scolar Press. ISBN 1 85928 122 2. Despite this progress, there is still a lot to do on this article. The most pressing part of this is copyright violation with the Australian Dictionary of Biography; paragraphs 4 and 6 of Colonial Service are near to verbatim ripped from this source. The single sentence sourced to the National Centre of Biography is also a straight copy and paste. I would also ask that you double check your print sources for similar violations.
The majority of ships mentioned in the article are linked to their SIA pages rather than to the individual ships in question, which provides little to no help to the casual reader. More importantly, the article gives little to no attention to Ball's later naval service. Seven years and three ship commands are dealt with in a single line, which is hardly enough for B-Class. For example, you completely ignore Ball's service at the Battle of the Basque Roads in Gibraltar. Other naval aspects that are not mentioned (and this is not an exhaustive list) include:
This article also has difficulties with its prose, with short sentences occasionally being slung in as their own paragraphs with little context. For example, "In 1808 he applied unsuccessfully for the governorship of New South Wales" comes in completely out of the blue! I would also note that the lede is too short for this length of article and should be expanded.
I am going to put this review on hold to give you time to look at my remarks and decide what you wish to do with this; there is more to discuss but I have attempted to provide an overview of some of the more pressing issues here as a start. It might be best for this to be failed so that you are not under a time constraint to complete what could be a considerable amount of editing. Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk) 17:14, 2 January 2022 (UTC)