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Reviewer: The Rambling Man ( talk · contribs) 20:27, 7 July 2014 (UTC) reply

I'll take this review. The Rambling Man ( talk) 20:27, 7 July 2014 (UTC) reply

Comments

• No dab pages beside the required one at the top, a couple of redirects but no action required specifically (U.S. Army, Red Cross and "segregation of blacks in the armed forces" could be fixed if other fixes nearby are happening).
  • Changed links, Red Cross actually linked to the wrong target article.

• References, where online, check out, those with subscription needed are correctly marked.
  • OK.

• Image has adequate fair use rationale and is used exclusively in the article for which the rationale has been provided.
  • OK.

• Never keen on things "occuring", it seems so passive to me, would it not be better to say "took place"?
  • Changed.

• "release a woman " by now it's "the" woman.
  • Sure.

• "led to between $250,000–$5,000,000 in damages" possibly too detailed for the lead especially considering the 20-fold range. Perhaps a rephrase to suggest considerable costly damage was done.
  • I'd rather leave it in, it gives readers a range of the damages along with the specific mentions of the deaths and arrests.
    • I'd suggest the vast uncertain range is best left until the main article, not the lead, perhaps add "considerable monetary damage" or something to the lead instead? The Rambling Man ( talk) 17:12, 8 July 2014 (UTC) reply
      • Moved around the order a bit and changed to "monetary damage". Seattle ( talk) 19:57, 8 July 2014 (UTC) reply

• "in his c. 1943–1944 work," again, I think this is a little unncessary detailed for the lead.
  • OK.

• First sentence of the "Cause" section has seven commas. It reads rather stilted to me.
  • Moved things around a bit, how's that?

• "housing prostitutes" just to clarify, do you mean they lived there, offered their services there or something else?
  • Reworded.

• "the new accommodations did " maybe it's USEng, but I don't see why accomodation needs to be plural here.
  • Agreed, changed.

• "to loudly protest" I'm no expert but that looks like a split infinitive to me. Although, reading our own article, it seems that, these days, the split infinitive is just dandy...
  • Changed.

• "Polite to leave, Polite became ..." replace the second Polite with "she" to avoid repetition; there's no uncertainty here.
  • Yes, changed.

• Lead says "gathered around Bandy and the officer as they attempted to enter a hospital" but the Cause section seems to state that the crowds gathered outside the hospital as Bandy was being treated for his superficial wound.
  • Tried to clarify.

• "The crowd combined..." where?
  • Changed to "crowds", can't be sure, Capeci 1977 doesn't specify other than "combined" and Lawrence 1947 just mentions the rumors. Probably a loose combination of the crowds.

• "the crowd became violent after an individual threw a bottle off of a roof, into the crowd " reads awkwardly with the two mentions of the crowd.
  • Removed the comma, how's that?

• "disseminated " do you mean "dispersed"?
  • OK.

• Throughout, you capitalise PM, our MOS:TIME seems to imply it should be just pm.
  • Changed.

• "Go home– now!" in the message, a space before the en-dash would be nice.
  • Sure.

• " as his father's funeral and nineteenth birthday" his father was 19? Or " as his father's funeral and his nineteenth birthday"?
  • The latter.

That's it for my first pass. The Rambling Man ( talk) 07:25, 8 July 2014 (UTC) reply

@ The Rambling Man:, replied. Seattle ( talk) 15:21, 8 July 2014 (UTC) reply

All good here, not just a well-written article but an interesting one too. Thanks for allowing me to be involved. Promoting. The Rambling Man ( talk) 18:55, 9 July 2014 (UTC) reply