"a German and American" - I know this was the case with many physicists of that era, but did he ever identify himself as American over German? I would personally omit the American if that is not the case, as it is obvious that he worked there for much of his life.
Y In the quote in the article: "I am much more at home in America than I ever was in Germany. As if I was born in Germany only by mistake, and only came to my true homeland at 28." It appears that in America people identify themselves with an ethnic group. The articles get a fair bit of traffic related to this. No one has claimed that he was French... yet.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:08, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"For most of his career..." - this sentence seems a little abrupt and out of place. Perhaps it should be in the third paragraph of the lead?
"he was raised a Protestant in the religion of his father." could be abbreviated to "he was raised as a Protestant like his father." - not so precise, but more readable. Maybe.
"excellent mathematicians" - maybe "distinguished" or "first-class"
Y To me, "excellent" is myself and other students who get As on their undergraduate mathematics examinations; "distinguished" is notable professors.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:08, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"which presented mathematics without reference to the other sciences." - probably needs a ref.
"But the Germans wanted $250 to release her furniture." - could be abbreviated to "In need of $250 to release his mother's furniture..." which is rather less clumsy.
"Rose Ewald, the daughter of Paul Ewald," - is that important? It just seems a bit too much detail.
N I don't think so. It establishes a familial relationship with another notable person. And I've noticed a pattern of the daughters of professors marrying professors. Military historians call this
prosopography.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:50, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
I see he does identify as American here, so keeping the dual nationality makes sense.
Not everybody reading this article might be aware of that, but, I suppose, if they don't know that then a large proportion will be equally inaccessible. I'd just leave it, in that case.
This section is quite short on references - it should be close to one per sentence.
"Bethe believed that .... which have densities similar to those of nuclei." - This section isn't especially clear - it doesn't seem so well suited to a biographical article.
Y Repaired, with the help of the trusty Wayback machine. It was checked before being nominated, but some links broke in the last weeks. I had a sports article back in May 2013 that had been nominated in November 2012 - six months before - and it had broken links everywhere.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:50, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
Overall, very good, but in places short of citations. Since you have access to some sources, that won't take much. You clearly know vastly more about the GA process than me, so I am happy to take any criticisms of my criticisms you may have. Regards.
Jamesx12345
20:47, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
More points
"was not a religious person" - could be abbreviated to "was not religious" - equally clear
"as professor and director" - is a director not normally an elevated kind of professor?
I don't know about elevated. At some places it rotates amongst the professors. I can't vouch that a director is always a professor.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
22:46, 27 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"—his matriculation examinations—" - where something is linked, I think it is normally left unexplained (the meaning can be assumed from the context here anyway)
Y I'd like to think so, but a lot of editors feel it is a huge imposition on the reader to have to click on a link. Removed.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
22:46, 27 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"Bethe next chose to" - the "next" could be omitted - it sounds a bit like interrailing
"that the Russian reactor" - I'm not sure how best to describe it, but I don't think "Russian" is correct. (I believe the reactor was of Russian design, but I don't think that is what it implies.)
That's all I can find for now. I might come back for a third read through, but it looks very good as it is. Regards.
Success
I would say this definitely now meets the criteria. I would personally like more citations,
but I can't say that, and since they are mostly to books anyway, it doesn't matter so much. Good luck with the Wikicup - another Manhattan biography of great importance and close to GA status is
Richard Feynman, if you're looking for something. Well done.
Jamesx12345
09:12, 28 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"a German and American" - I know this was the case with many physicists of that era, but did he ever identify himself as American over German? I would personally omit the American if that is not the case, as it is obvious that he worked there for much of his life.
Y In the quote in the article: "I am much more at home in America than I ever was in Germany. As if I was born in Germany only by mistake, and only came to my true homeland at 28." It appears that in America people identify themselves with an ethnic group. The articles get a fair bit of traffic related to this. No one has claimed that he was French... yet.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:08, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"For most of his career..." - this sentence seems a little abrupt and out of place. Perhaps it should be in the third paragraph of the lead?
"he was raised a Protestant in the religion of his father." could be abbreviated to "he was raised as a Protestant like his father." - not so precise, but more readable. Maybe.
"excellent mathematicians" - maybe "distinguished" or "first-class"
Y To me, "excellent" is myself and other students who get As on their undergraduate mathematics examinations; "distinguished" is notable professors.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:08, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"which presented mathematics without reference to the other sciences." - probably needs a ref.
"But the Germans wanted $250 to release her furniture." - could be abbreviated to "In need of $250 to release his mother's furniture..." which is rather less clumsy.
"Rose Ewald, the daughter of Paul Ewald," - is that important? It just seems a bit too much detail.
N I don't think so. It establishes a familial relationship with another notable person. And I've noticed a pattern of the daughters of professors marrying professors. Military historians call this
prosopography.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:50, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
I see he does identify as American here, so keeping the dual nationality makes sense.
Not everybody reading this article might be aware of that, but, I suppose, if they don't know that then a large proportion will be equally inaccessible. I'd just leave it, in that case.
This section is quite short on references - it should be close to one per sentence.
"Bethe believed that .... which have densities similar to those of nuclei." - This section isn't especially clear - it doesn't seem so well suited to a biographical article.
Y Repaired, with the help of the trusty Wayback machine. It was checked before being nominated, but some links broke in the last weeks. I had a sports article back in May 2013 that had been nominated in November 2012 - six months before - and it had broken links everywhere.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
21:50, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
Overall, very good, but in places short of citations. Since you have access to some sources, that won't take much. You clearly know vastly more about the GA process than me, so I am happy to take any criticisms of my criticisms you may have. Regards.
Jamesx12345
20:47, 26 July 2013 (UTC)reply
More points
"was not a religious person" - could be abbreviated to "was not religious" - equally clear
"as professor and director" - is a director not normally an elevated kind of professor?
I don't know about elevated. At some places it rotates amongst the professors. I can't vouch that a director is always a professor.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
22:46, 27 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"—his matriculation examinations—" - where something is linked, I think it is normally left unexplained (the meaning can be assumed from the context here anyway)
Y I'd like to think so, but a lot of editors feel it is a huge imposition on the reader to have to click on a link. Removed.
Hawkeye7 (
talk)
22:46, 27 July 2013 (UTC)reply
"Bethe next chose to" - the "next" could be omitted - it sounds a bit like interrailing
"that the Russian reactor" - I'm not sure how best to describe it, but I don't think "Russian" is correct. (I believe the reactor was of Russian design, but I don't think that is what it implies.)
That's all I can find for now. I might come back for a third read through, but it looks very good as it is. Regards.
Success
I would say this definitely now meets the criteria. I would personally like more citations,
but I can't say that, and since they are mostly to books anyway, it doesn't matter so much. Good luck with the Wikicup - another Manhattan biography of great importance and close to GA status is
Richard Feynman, if you're looking for something. Well done.
Jamesx12345
09:12, 28 July 2013 (UTC)reply