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Clean up typos Currently working on it-----Completed!
Improve grammar
Add any additions if needed Still adding more information
Discuss desired additions -None
Late ACR comments
Hawkeye closed the review just as I was adding this so will put here... Performed quick copyedit of first half. Looks pretty good but I think the lead is too long -- there's detail and repetition of wording that could be cut, for instance how she was the first designed but not first commissioned carrier. At the very least I would lose (or move to main body if the citation is required there) The design of Hermes preceded and influenced that of Hōshō, and she was launched before Hōshō was laid down, but was commissioned more than six months later than Hōshō. As another example, at the end of the lead, you don't need ...that the Japanese did not attack. Cheers,
Ian Rose (
talk)
23:34, 15 November 2011 (UTC)reply
This article is within the scope of the Military history WikiProject. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the project and see a
list of open tasks. To use this banner, please see the
full instructions.Military historyWikipedia:WikiProject Military historyTemplate:WikiProject Military historymilitary history articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Ships, a project to improve all
Ship-related articles. If you would like to help improve this and other articles, please
join the project, or contribute to the
project discussion. All interested editors are welcome. To use this banner, please see the
full instructions.ShipsWikipedia:WikiProject ShipsTemplate:WikiProject ShipsShips articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Shipwrecks, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
shipwreck-related articles on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.ShipwrecksWikipedia:WikiProject ShipwrecksTemplate:WikiProject ShipwrecksShipwreck articles
Clean up typos Currently working on it-----Completed!
Improve grammar
Add any additions if needed Still adding more information
Discuss desired additions -None
Late ACR comments
Hawkeye closed the review just as I was adding this so will put here... Performed quick copyedit of first half. Looks pretty good but I think the lead is too long -- there's detail and repetition of wording that could be cut, for instance how she was the first designed but not first commissioned carrier. At the very least I would lose (or move to main body if the citation is required there) The design of Hermes preceded and influenced that of Hōshō, and she was launched before Hōshō was laid down, but was commissioned more than six months later than Hōshō. As another example, at the end of the lead, you don't need ...that the Japanese did not attack. Cheers,
Ian Rose (
talk)
23:34, 15 November 2011 (UTC)reply